[Trigger] It's been over a week

[Cat Dancer]

I keep stopping and starting. I called my therapist yesterday and told him I hadn't cut for over a week. He was proud. He told me to do something nice for myself. So I did. I went shopping and bought myself a new shirt. Kind of silly I guess, but I did it anyway. I just keep struggling with these urges. It's constant. It's exhausting. I want to cry, but I don't know why. I really don't know what mental wellness is. I don't think I know anyone who is mentally well.

I wonder if anybody really is mentally ok. It seems like everyone struggles with something. Pain is pain and we all have it. I guess it just comes down to finding some kind of healthy way to deal with it and I haven't found that yet. Or I don't know quite how to apply it constantly.

Anyway, I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now and I don't quite know what to do.

 

[Jazzey]

It is really good that you haven't given in for this long CD.

I know the thoughts are exhausting. Can you try and distract yourself? Maybe take a bath or go for a walk or do something physical?

But again, I view this as very successful - So :2thumbs: Cat Dancer.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I've always really struggled with distracting myself. I think because I really can't get away from my mind. If that makes any sense. It's like it's always there in corner.

 

[Jazzey]

Yes, it makes sense Cat Dancer. But even while you're distracting yourself, can you just yell "Stop" so that you can enjoy the activity at hand? I don't know. I have a tendency of going back to the thought, and yes, it's tiresome. But, maybe with a little practice it gets easier?

 

[Into The Light]

i don't know much about self-injury, so i don't know if this is of any help. when you fight the urges, does this produce a lot of anxiety in you? if that is the case, maybe you could look up techniques to reduce the anxiety.

 

[NicNak]

I am proud of you again Cat Dancer!!! :cheerleader:

I am glad you baught a new shirt and treated yourself as your therapist suggested. I do that too, when I am "good". I make sure I always recognize my challenges and give myself a pat on the back when I do well with coping.

I relate so well as to how hard it is to fight those urges Cat Dancer. I know I always say it, but you are so strong Cat Dancer. Keep trying as you are and also remember how well you are doing, no matter what Cat Dancer!

I am so proud of you Cat Dancer! :friends: :support:

 

[ladylore]

It sounds like your brain is trying to go back to it's old comfortable ways. Your doing great for persevering CD :2thumbs:

 

[suewatters1]

This is very good news. Be very proud of yourself for all that you achieved.
Is there some that you really really enjoy like a certain kind of music or a certain kind of movies that is on video. It's hard but if you can find something you really enjoy try to do that as much as possible. It might put a smile on your face and make you forget those unpleasant thoughts even just for a while

Sue

 

[Always Changing]

Hi cat dancer,
I just want to echo what the others have said here. well done on achieving a full week of not si'ing. that is brilliant.

with reference to your sentence that "it is always in the corner", if you can think of it this way, You put it in the corner (which is only fantastic by the way), you can keep it in that corner as you have no further use for it,
a little bit like your favorite outfit, you keep wearing it and wearing until one day it is no longer in fashion, then you keep it some more just in case that fashion comes back in , but sooner or later you will get rid of it because it is just taking up space. Space that you can use for other more important things in your life.
for now, I think maybe you should not worry so much that it is in the corner.. having it there will not harm you, you can look at it from a distance and ... YEAH!!!! I put you there and that is where you are staying.!!



Congrats and Well done Cat dancer, :2thumbs:

 

[Cat Dancer]

Hey, thanks everybody. My thoughts are pretty scattered right now, but I am really going to try to come back to this and reply to what you all have said so that I make sense. I don't think I would make much sense right now. :hug:

I do have tons and tons of anxiety about this. I think anxiety is my main issue. I have always had it, but just really identified it a few years ago. It's really bad. It's crippling.

Anyway, thanks again. I really, really appreciate all of you.

 

[Trust]

I keep stopping and starting. I called my therapist yesterday and told him I hadn't cut for over a week. He was proud. He told me to do something nice for myself. So I did. I went shopping and bought myself a new shirt. Kind of silly I guess, but I did it anyway. I just keep struggling with these urges. It's constant. It's exhausting. I want to cry, but I don't know why. I really don't know what mental wellness is. I don't think I know anyone who is mentally well.

I wonder if anybody really is mentally ok. It seems like everyone struggles with something. Pain is pain and we all have it. I guess it just comes down to finding some kind of healthy way to deal with it and I haven't found that yet. Or I don't know quite how to apply it constantly.

Anyway, I'm in a lot of emotional pain right now and I don't quite know what to do.

Good morning CatDancer! Congratulations on your achievement!!:You have every reason to feel extremely proud of yourself!! :2thumbs:

When I read your post, what struck me immediately was your comment that I bolded above. IMO, you don't always need to know why you feel like crying, as you simply feel that way and that's perfectly okay! If it is possible to indulge in some cleansing tears, then I think it is a good and healthy alternative to harming oneself. Cry until you feel the release of the sad or angry or frustrating feelings and try not to worry about why you are experiencing the need to cry - it doesn't always matter, as it is simply your mind and body giving you a signal that something emotional inside of you is asking to be let go.

You've probably heard the old saying, "Have a good cry," - it's wise advice and it works. It can feel very empowering to get rid of the pressure and emotional tension that has been building inside by letting tears flow naturally without any need to analyse why the need is present - it is just a normal need sometimes and a part of being human. It is very hard to analyse feelings which are not always rational. While we may know the reasons why some feelings are present, sometimes it is complicated and our feelings are layered to such an extent, (especially if we bury or deny them for a long time), that we get to a point of feeling so much that it "feels" overwhelming and bigger than we can manage and that can cause anxiety.

I was thinking I don't know a lot about SI but I am a smoker, and in a way I guess, that it similar if not in the same family as other self-injurious behaviours - mine just takes a lot longer for the negative repercussions to become noticeable. For me, I think I smoke to repress feelings rather than face them and deal with them and release them in a healthy way. I have siphoned my feelings for a lifetime through the filter of a cigarette.

I know many many mentally healthy people, including myself! I have issues that bother me at times and some days I don't feel as strong as on others, but overall I feel capable of handling problems that may arise and I feel open to growing through those experiences. I also feel a great optimism about life and I am grateful for my past experiences, some of which have been challenging, because these things made me the person I am today and have helped me become more sensitive and aware of myself and others. I feel grateful for my life, my relationships, my work, my passions and dreams for the future.

Although there are times in life that are difficult, and some people do have mental illnesses and emotional issues that effect their lives for a long period of time, these same people can enjoy the same kind of happiness and meaning in their lives as the mentally healthiest people among us! It is a choice to a large degree, IMO. I have met here people whom are at times struggling or suffering or searching for answers to help them help themselves and others and IMO, that is what makes all the difference to claiming the title of mental health!

We just have to reach out and be open and willing to listen and learn when we feel weak and to advise and comfort when we feel strong. We may all be at different ages and stages of life and mental health, and some of us may be having some mental health issues of varying degrees, but everyone here is involved in our own recovery and we are taking responsibility for our own issues and illnesses and are commited to becoming educated, educating others, and making progress, so there is so much hope!

Unless someone is completely and totally and eternally consumed by mental illness and content to accept that fate without making an effort to change, there is an abundance of hope for everyone! Even my mom, whom never had any motivation to become involved in her illness insofar as trying to understand herself and the illness, has made great strides in her life simply by taking her medication. I sometimes wonder if she had been able to interest herself more in her own issues, if she would have had a better life, but I will never know the answer to that question. What I do know is that my mom has lived her life and managed to have much happiness among the difficulties and that is without all the effort I witness from the people I find here on this board - just like you - and me. Everyone here has the courage to confront themselves, to seek support, to learn how to create a more meaningful and joyous life!

In the end with so much honest communication about all the spectrums of mental health, all the personal accounts and sharing of experiences and encouragement and support, we are bound to find that comfortable state of acceptance of ourselves and the reality of life and embrace it exactly as it is - because we and life are simply wonderful just as we are and with so much commitment to attaining and maintaining good health, it can only get better!

Have a great week, Cat Dancer - I'm convinced you will find your own definition of mental health for yourself and you will be free to be - there is only one Cat Dancer (that I know of) so make sure you treat her with all the compassion and respect and love she deserves!:hug:

 

[ladylore]

You can do this CD. I see SI and addiction as the same. It take a bit for the great habits your learning to become almost automatic. One day you will wake up and it won't even occur to you anymore that that is an option for you because you will have some many healthy options open to you.

:friends:

 

[Always Changing]

How are you doing today Cat dancer?

Hope you ok

 

[Cat Dancer]

I'm hanging in there. Thanks. I keep meaning to come back and write more and I just haven't had a chance so far. :hug: