poohbear
Member
I have been waiting for this moment (I think) for almost three years. This divorce has dragged on, thank you very much my ex!, forEVER. I thought I would be really excited.
Instead, I find i am really anxious. Tomorrow, I enter into an agreement that I have to abide by (custody and financials) forever-- or until the boys are grown. I am leaving the marraige with next to nothing, and feel like I am giving up so much. It's out of necessity, really. He has all the money and has sworn he will drag it on forever. I can't afford another 13,000 dollars. Yes, folks-- it's cost that much, so far. And that's after I had legal aid for the first 8 months!
Also, right up til now, we have had split custody, half and half. I have agreed to change it (in fact, pushed for it...) to his having the boys during the school year, and my having them summers. We would alternate weekends all year long, Wednesdays, too. Holidays split and alternate. Very frustrating. I only did this so I can go back to school. He has a career. I don't.
I don't feel like it's fair. But I feel I have no choice. How am I supposed to finish school, if I have the boys on alternating weeks? Three different grades, two schools, one half way across town? All three are 4.5 to 5 years apart. They have had such a hard time, anyway. Two are in therapy. One, I am sure will go when he is older.
I feel like such a failure. I have done EVERYTHING, as best as I could. But, I feel like such a freak. I feel like everyone thinks of me as a lesser person for giving up so much of my children. *I* feel like a lesser person for doing it. I know rationally, that I have no choice, if I want to persue Nursing and get into a career path that will support me and the boys the rest of my life. I just feel like I have no choice.
And I feel liek the boys will resent me. They already do. They treat me differently than they do him. They blame me. They are rude, disrespectful and mean. My ex condones the behavior. Not outwardly, mind you, but by his silence, he shows his acceptance. I guess his telling them he is happy it's over and that he will throw a party doesnt help either. Or that he calls me names when talking about me, my middle child tells me.
He is a very controlling, condescending man. He always was. I don't know why I didn't see it before. But, I see it now. The eldest boy was abusive, even, towards me. The middle one, starting to be. I had to beg him to take them to therapy, or to even go with me when I took them. He wouldn't even go at first, but after several months, he started to come. So, that's good. But, he doesn't tell the whole truth in there. He sugar coats. He bends the truth.
I know he cares about the boys, just not me. He doesnt understand that what he does to me, they see. They learn how to treat me, by HIS example. How will they ever learn to respect me and forgive me (for all the hurt from the divorce, even tho it's not all my fault), if their father still treats me like an "underling"?
I'm just really anxious right now. Really anxious. The final hearing is at 11am tomorrow. 12 hours to go...
--Poohbear
Instead, I find i am really anxious. Tomorrow, I enter into an agreement that I have to abide by (custody and financials) forever-- or until the boys are grown. I am leaving the marraige with next to nothing, and feel like I am giving up so much. It's out of necessity, really. He has all the money and has sworn he will drag it on forever. I can't afford another 13,000 dollars. Yes, folks-- it's cost that much, so far. And that's after I had legal aid for the first 8 months!
Also, right up til now, we have had split custody, half and half. I have agreed to change it (in fact, pushed for it...) to his having the boys during the school year, and my having them summers. We would alternate weekends all year long, Wednesdays, too. Holidays split and alternate. Very frustrating. I only did this so I can go back to school. He has a career. I don't.
I don't feel like it's fair. But I feel I have no choice. How am I supposed to finish school, if I have the boys on alternating weeks? Three different grades, two schools, one half way across town? All three are 4.5 to 5 years apart. They have had such a hard time, anyway. Two are in therapy. One, I am sure will go when he is older.
I feel like such a failure. I have done EVERYTHING, as best as I could. But, I feel like such a freak. I feel like everyone thinks of me as a lesser person for giving up so much of my children. *I* feel like a lesser person for doing it. I know rationally, that I have no choice, if I want to persue Nursing and get into a career path that will support me and the boys the rest of my life. I just feel like I have no choice.
And I feel liek the boys will resent me. They already do. They treat me differently than they do him. They blame me. They are rude, disrespectful and mean. My ex condones the behavior. Not outwardly, mind you, but by his silence, he shows his acceptance. I guess his telling them he is happy it's over and that he will throw a party doesnt help either. Or that he calls me names when talking about me, my middle child tells me.
He is a very controlling, condescending man. He always was. I don't know why I didn't see it before. But, I see it now. The eldest boy was abusive, even, towards me. The middle one, starting to be. I had to beg him to take them to therapy, or to even go with me when I took them. He wouldn't even go at first, but after several months, he started to come. So, that's good. But, he doesn't tell the whole truth in there. He sugar coats. He bends the truth.
I know he cares about the boys, just not me. He doesnt understand that what he does to me, they see. They learn how to treat me, by HIS example. How will they ever learn to respect me and forgive me (for all the hurt from the divorce, even tho it's not all my fault), if their father still treats me like an "underling"?
I'm just really anxious right now. Really anxious. The final hearing is at 11am tomorrow. 12 hours to go...
--Poohbear
ooh bear, 
