Losing your loved one, meeting someone else

[zak]

what do people find the best way to deal with this?

my imagination runs away with itself in my head and i find it hard to cope when we talk about splitting up. i dont no what im going to do if we do finish cause the thought of her not been with me no more and her been with someone else is just to much to handle.

 

[ThatLady]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

what do people find the best way to deal with this?

my imagination runs away with itself in my head and i find it hard to cope when we talk about splitting up. i dont no what im going to do if we do finish cause the thought of her not been with me no more and her been with someone else is just to much to handle.

I guess the best way to deal with an issue like this is to realize that we don't own anyone else; nor, do we control anyone else's emotions. You can't make someone love you, Zak. Love doesn't work that way.

When we care about someone else, all we can do is to let them know we care about them, and do the best we can to make them happy. If they want to be with us, they will be. If they don't, they'll move on. There's an old saying that goes something like: "If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever."

 

[zak]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

i understand what your saying and she does love me. shes just having doubts. but i no if we do end and i do see her with another lad my anger will take over and i wont be able to stop myself from hurting the lad.

 

[ThatLady]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

Well, if you stop and think about it, Zak, that other lad hasn't done anything to you to warrant your attempts to hurt him. He may not even know you exist. He's just living his life, like anyone else.

If you have anger issues that cause you to want to hurt other people, you have to deal with those issues. They're not the other lad's issues; nor, or they the issues of the girl in question. They're yours, and you must own them and take responsibility for them. That means, you don't hurt others because you are disappointed. You deal with your problems in a productive way.

If she loves you as you say, she'll work out her doubts and come back to the relationship more committed than before. If she doesn't do that, she's made another decision for her life. That's her right, just as it's your right to make decisions for your life.

 

[zak]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

i know its none of their problems but i wouldn't be able to hold myself back.

i love her so much and the thought of me loosing her kills me.

 

[Into The Light]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

zak, hurting the other lad will land you in a lot of trouble. not only do you hurt an innocent person, you will certainly frighten the girl you love. you won't get her back that way. to top it off police may be involved. is this really what you want? it will not make your life any better.

 

[zak]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

i know this but if i did see her with someone else i couldnt stop it. iv had it before its like i cant control what im doing like im watching it happen but cant stop it.

 

[Into The Light]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

then right now you need to seek some help with this to prevent it from happening. be pro-active, don't wait for something bad to happen. take control of this problem. it can only benefit you and improve your life.

 

[zak]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

that is why i signed onto this forum for help. i know im not the only person so encounter this problem im sure of it but when i think about things and stuff what could happen etc it used to really agrevate me and drive me insane. iv recently got off bail for section 13 violent disorder. this was due to a problem of people telling me things about my girlfriend and where she was who she was with and i tried to ring her and she wouldn't answer her phone then a lad who had caused me some shit a while back i seen and we got into a fight and he was left with a broken jaw. im off bail now and me and the lad are mates. but why do i get so angry and why dus it channel into rage and agresion?

 

[ThatLady]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

These are questions that can be answered only through intensive anger therapy, Zak. Each person is an individual, with individual triggers. You have to find yours, and find a way to diffuse them before they cause you more grief. If you get into another altercation that results in someone getting hurt, you may end up locked up for a long time. What will that do to your relationship?

If I were you, I'd start immediately to find out what is available in your community to deal with these issues of uncontrolable outbursts of anger and violence. Start with your doctor, if necessary, but start somewhere!

 

[zak]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

she is sayin she still isnt sure about us and its killing me slowly i dont no what to do any more

 

[ThatLady]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

What is it about the two of you, exactly, that she's not sure about?

 

[zak]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

she is sick of arguin and doesnt want to carry on that way

 

[ThatLady]

Re: loosing your loved one and them meeting new people.

Are these arguments the result of your difficulties with anger management, or do the two of you have profound differences in your basic take on life? What do you argue about?

 

[zak]

silly stupid shit really like people saying hes done that shes done this like everyone is out to hurt me or her. met her again today walked her home baught her dinner was nice seems like we are making a bit of progress but then itll turn bad agen when the doubts take over her mind. argh! i dont no what to do!?!?