More threads by iam*who*iam


we lost my uncle almost 3 months ago.

every once in a while, i'll think about him and get sad.

i didn't get to say my last goodbye, because i was away in treatment for anorexia.

everyone says it was better that way, but i never really got that closure, or to be there with the rest of my family for the funeral.

i kind of feel like i let my uncle down, even though i know he wanted me to be in treatment, and not to go back home for that.

i actually had a dream about him just after i was out of treatment.

i was staying in his room, and it was very strange, yet comforting.

i am very thankful that he managed to be at peace when he died.

he had struggled with himself, not knowing if he was going to heaven..if god would accept him..

he also didn't know if he was a good person..or do enough for his children/grandchildren.

when he passed away though, he had come to terms with all of that..which made it easier on us, in a way, to be able to know that he felt okay and ready.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I'm sorry to hear of your loss, Iam.

I expect that your uncle knew how you felt and knew that you would have been there if it had been possible.

I wasn't even in the same country when my mother died and I wasn't able to attend her funeral - but she knew I loved her and I know she understood and accepted the circumstances.


I'm very sorry for your loss, Iam. One thing you can do to help you feel that you've achieved the closure you seek is to write your uncle a letter. Put into the letter all the things you feel you'd have liked to say and didn't have the chance to say.

Once the letter is written, people do different things with them. I've known people to put the letter away in a special place. They may take it out and re-read it once in awhile - even add to it. Other people have a special ceremony with the letter. Some bury it. One person I know made a little paper boat and put the letter in the boat out of paper sacks. She put the boat into the pond behind her home and set the boat afire. That was her way of saying goodbye. You may come up with a special way that's right for you. The letter, and saying what you need to say, is what's really important. :hug:


I'm sorry to hear about your loss too. My great uncle John died in August. He was in his seventies and died of a stomach illness. He was the husband of my great aunt Pam, the sister of my maternal grandfather. When I stayed overnight at my grandad's house in October, I went across the road to Pam's house with my mother to give her my condolences.
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