More threads by laughatlifelover

I recently came out of a three year relationship, hurt, angry and sad. I vowed that I would never find anyone again. I felt worthless and loveless. But not 3 months down the track, I have met the most fantastic, wonderful, loving caring person ever. I cannot believe it. Whatever I thought I had before does not compare to this in the slightest!
Can I feel this good so soon after my last relationship? At the same time I am scared to get any closer in the current relationship for fear of being hurt...Should I be? I feel like I should have got out of there a long time ago!! This person is everything that I have ever ever wanted in another human being, and he feels the same way! How fast is too fast, how soon is to soon? Am I on the rebound without realising it???
thanks for your help.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
There is no timetable or schedule for love and my observation has been that you don't find love -- love finds you. It happens when it happens.

Are you just "on the rebound"? Possibly but not necessarily. I don't think that the fact that you feel this way three months after ending an unsatisfactory relationship can answer that question for you - after all, you were probably at certain levels ending the previous relationship well before that three month mark.

My advice would be to be aware that the "rebound effect" does exist, and so does the "honeymoon effect": Sometimes we want so much for a relationship or our partners to be a certain way that we may overlook certain details and "create a fiction" -- wanting a person to be the perfect partner, we may create her or him in that image in our minds, simply discarding evidence that doesn't fit the image.

None of this should stop you from enjoying and exploring the potential of this new relationship. It just means that you should perhaps be cautious as you learn more about this person, how you feel about him, and how he feels about you.


I am no expert...and I wonder if such thing exists...but if you feel this way, might as well go for it, be cautious if you wish! The only thing, don`t regret not taking the chance of seeing if this was worth your while ;)

Daniel E.
This reminds me of a Seinfeld episode where Elaine feels madly in love with someone. When she asks her boyfriend what he thinks about a controversial topic (abortion), the honeymoon is over. Of course, Seinfeld is a pretty unromantic show.
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