Major Inferiority Complex

[bookstar]

Hi,

I have had issues with viewing myself as not good enough or attractive enough for the type of women I want to date, and when I see other guys with them, I feel inferior to them and not as attractive.

Now, I have never been rejected by what I am attracted to because I never had the self-confidence to go after what I am attracted to. Yet, I have this fear that I will be rejected because I may not be "cool" enough etc... I'm a very good looking guy, but I have had inferiority complexes all my life.

I just want to know if I am indeed attractive enough and good enough for what I am looking for.
What I am looking for in a woman is the type that is outwardly very physically attractive and in shape, and inwardly she has very high self-esteem, very outgoing, and seems to have a lot of friends and is very successful with whatever she persues.

I just want to get over this feeling inferior to other guys, feeling I am less attractive and not good enough, and that the type of guys that have attracted what I want are better then I am.

Am I correct and accurate in the way I perceive myself? Or do I have just as good of a chance as any guy out there? If I do, what affirmations and things do I need to do in order to get rid of this complex?

Thanks!!!

 

[white page]

Hi Bookstar ,
I hear what you are saying , reading your post , it could sound as if you are looking for a lady almost as an accessory , which would enhance your image , which is not in fact what you are meaning . You would like to be with a lovely lady who is outgoing
which would be a delightful way to travel through life .

Self esteem is often mistakenly based by peer pressure , it is said that 90% of women have a sudden drop in self esteem just after reading a fashion magazine , if we base our esteem of ourselves by the yardstick of comparison to others , we will always find a reason to fall short .
There are many self help publications which will help you to focus on your own unique qualities , and will help you to be proud of who you are for yourself first and foremost , when you accept yourself for the unique and great person that you are , this will automaticaly change your personnal aura , which will in turn ease the pressure of being attractive to others , as you will be attractive to yourself and thus attractive to others .
good luck WP
P.S. Have a look in the section on self esteem in the forum there maybe useful information in there for you .

Hi again Bookstar ,
I had a look at your previous posts , which are all more or less about self esteem and self image , as this seems to be something which is really bothering you , wouldn't it be a good idea to go to see a therapist who would help you once and for all to work through this , thus freeing you from these obssesive thoughts which must be parasiting your day to day dealings with folk .
I know how harsh this sounds , but you would really be helping yourself if you do this .
best wishes and good luck WP

 

[Meg]

Bookstar, it seems to me that you're trying to live up to what you perceive to be the perfect standards of the world around you instead of trying to figure out what is right for you.

If there was a woman out there who was everything that you've said you want and she was attracted to you, there is no reason that any other guy should stand more of a chance than you. I'll tell you this, though: women may attract men with their outward appearance, but they want to be loved for who they are. In my opinion, if you want a functional, healthy relationship that will last a long time, you need to re-assess your selection criteria. A relationship with substance isn't about being 'cool'. It's about being genuine, interested, generous, and loving.

Do you know any couples you consider to be attractive who have been together for a while? If you do, and you know them well enough, perhaps you could ask them what it is about each other that made them interested in dating? You might also ask what they consider the most important factor in their relationship to be? I'd be willing to bet that the most important factor is not each other's appearance.

When the right woman comes along, you will be good enough for her just as you are. Maybe you could try that as your affirmation