Married and Unfaithful: What do I do?

[Stuck]

Sorry for the confusion. The facts are as follows:

- No my wife does not know about the affair and I denied it in couples counciling

- Yes my girlfriend does know about my wife and children

Also I'd like to add that the affair was not anticipated, but rather happened and both my girlfriend and I knew that it wasn't right, but found ourselves continuing it anyways - the connection was strong. We are at a point now where we have very strong feelings for one another and although she would like me to be with her, she has left the decision to stay or leave with me as she understands that there are a lot of consequences behind my actions.

With respect to the councilling, it isn't real as I'm lying about the real reason that I'm acting the way I am. Some of my reasons are obviously real, but the main one, the affair, is not being exposed. I fear the councillor will see through it eventually.

 

[white page]

I don't want to sound cruel Stuck, just wouldn't it be better If you now told the truth to your wife, whatever the consequences.
The longer you leave it the messier it will be.

If you don't want to tell your wife the truth then break with your mistress and build your marriage back up with no further lies.

I tell you one thing, your wife does know, she is perhaps hoping her intuition is wrong, parteners who live together for a number of years always know subliminaly before they really know.

One way or another your girlfriend needs a descision too, she has her life
to live as well.

This is not a fun situation for anybody, the sooner you make a decision the sooner everyone can get on with their lives, Okay, if you want to be with your girlfiend, then do it properly, this will free your wife to find another partner who will love and cherish her, something you are not doing at the moment. by your infidelity. Sorry to be so blunt.

I hope you sort this out very soon, best wishes wp

 

[HBas]

Wow stuck, You do understand that the result is going to come whether you stretch it out or not? No matter how long you wait - the desicion is not going to get easier. Are you waiting for your wife to go into so much trauma that she tells you to leave to make it easier on yourself?

Sorry, that may seem cruel but I was there and I waited and waited and it never became any easier - it just became harder every day. Everyone was hurting more, the guy on the side was pushing - my husband was a mess and I was loosing my mind.

You cannot expect from your wife to say "Yes" I love you and want to move forward if you cannot commit. You cannot expect anything from her to deny her intuition like White pages said - you know she feels it. My husband did. I came out and told him - he always said he could never forgive something like that but yet, when I tod him, he said we could work through it. I was too far gone to stay - I was a mess and don't think for a second leaving takes away the guilt and anger at yourself for hurting the one that you will eventually realize you really loved. Running away does not solve anything. I have run for so long and now, 3 years later I am working through it and experiencing all those emotions all over again. Sure wish I stood up and faced my deamons back then and did not waste so much of my time.

Whatever you do - do it now. There is no better time. Know that there is going to be conseqeunces no matter what. You are not a bad person but you have done a very bad thing. You have to be brave now and stand up and face it. Work through it and be less - don't expect the best for the terrible thing you have done. Take what comes with it and get your life back. You deserve it.

HB

 

[Jazzey]

:goodpost: Very well said HBas. Stuck, sending positive vibes your way to give you the strength you need right now to sort all of it out. You're currently carrying a very heavy burden. I hope that you can alleviate some of that load very shortly. :support:

 

[Losttommy]

Stuck... You need to, as a human being, admit to your wif about the affair. Please, do not let her find out about it on her own. You need to man-up and be honest with her.

I found out my partner's affair back in October. He and I were together over 6 years. You can not imagine the devastation and heartache you will cause her by telling the truth. It's even worse if she has to confront you about it. Don't think about yourself, because it's not about you anymore. You made your bed, now lay in it. Don't hurt her any more than you already have.

Please, as much as I can urge you to do so, tell her. Be honest.