MissStress
Member
I was abused by 5 adult males between the ages of >5 - 12 years old. I don't remember the first one which is why I am not sure what age it started at.
1) Maternal grandfather - no recollection, only what my Grandmother and Aunt have told me. According to them, my mother would drop me off so she could go partying even though my Grandmother would beg her not to because my grandfather had been drinking. My Grandmother was a victim of spousal abuse and unable to intervene. My mother and her two sisters were also abused by their father. He died of prostate cancer around 1993.
2) Mother's second husband's father - My mother and her husband went out for the evening and left me and my brother (1.5 yrs my senior) with 'step-grandfather' and his son who is 5 years older than me. I think I was 7? 8?. Us kids were in the basement and the boys were giving me a hard time, teasing me so I went up to the living room where he was sleeping on the couch. He asked me to lay beside him and proceeded to fondle me, including my vagina. He left abruptly to go to the bathroom, I think I now know what he was doing. While he was in there I ran back downstairs and hid under my brother's bed. When I told him and his son what happened, the son yelled and cursed at me. My mother and step-father did nothing when I told them. Years later I pressed charges. Found out he had also molested one of his nieces, he served less than 2 years for the both of us and was a school teacher. He died of prostate cancer.
3) Mother's second husband's brother (the son mentioned above). I was 12, he was 18. It was at my house in my bedroom. He has been drinking, came to my room and forced himself on and in to me. Somebody came up and he barricaded the door, wouldn't let them in. Nothing ever became of that.
4) I grew up on a very small island, probably 20 houses and about 50 people. There were a couple of 'village drunks'. One in particular lured me in to his shack and fondled me (can't recall where) and made me fondle him. I remember leaving with one shoe. Nothing ever became of that, not sure if I told anyone or not.
5) The same 'village drunk' and his drunk buddy at his buddy's shack. Don't recall much other than being forced to touch them.
Very promiscuous teenage years. Pregnant at 13, had my son (now 21) at age 14. I have a lot of guilt because I can see now that I have continued the stupid cycle of abuse by often yelling at him when he'd upset me. I don't know what would come over me but this rage would rise up within me and I would say stupid, hurtful things. (I didn't have to have you.. Could have given you up for adoption.. I and so remorseful for that). When he was 7, he was sodomized by a child a couple years older than him who lived down the street from us. I was always so protective with him around adults.. I feel like I failed to protect him. He did go to some therapy sessions after the incident but now has big time anger issues and would benefit from more if I could talk him in to going.
I am now in my mid-30's and have just been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I suspect I have PTSD. Had a really rough last 8 months. Lost my Grandmother (my protector..) in October due to Alzheimer's. Got really ill in January and so far they've found tumors n my parotid glands, a 6cm 'cystic lesion' on my right ovary, polycythemia (too many red blood cells), uterine fibroid. Have had blood in my stool and they are small and thin - waiting full diagnosis. I have abdominal cramps and feel nauseous all the time.
June 1st, on my 6 month mark of being sick in bed (on disability now..) my husband of 8 years whom I have always completely trusted (my rock.. the good guy) told me he was attracted to his coworker. Honesty is good, timing was bad. I can't say I blame him, he was/is searching for something I have been unable to give him.. a happy, positive relationship and a child. We're in couples therapy and starting individual therapy afterwards. We have both stopped drinking and I have stopped smoking marijuana.
I had been in therapy years ago and thought I had dealt with everything (used substances to turn off feelings) until he told me this. My world crumbled and I lost it. Started to have very dark thoughts (eg: everyone would be better off without me) and went to ER. Was on watch for a few days but things started to look up after our first therapy session. I was on a high for a few days (sleeping aids helped I think as I had not slept throughout the night in years). Last night I tired no pill and was able to fall asleep but had weird nightmares. Reliving the abuse, dreaming I lost my other Grandmother (still with us..) and dreaming we had a baby and all of a sudden I couldn't find it. Today we were in the grocery store and a baby started crying.. I left in tears.
I experience sadness, hopelessness, numbness, anxiety, inappropriate anger (lashing out over small things), social phobia, cognitive issues, insomnia, waking throughout the night, oversleeping, physical pain (muscles/joints/bones), OCD (trichotillomania, 'picking' at my face).
Have - elevated BP (181/115!), elevated cortisol (a.m. 855 - p.m. 381 suppressed w/ dexamethasone), elevated prolactin, elevated testosterone, LDL off the charts, B12 deficiency, polcythemia, PCOS, parotid tumors, 6cm 'cystic lesion' on R ovary, blood in stool, H.Pylori +
Meds - Wellbutrin (just started today), water pill (just started today), lipitor, zopiclone (did not take today due to new meds), B12
Anyone want to take a shot at possible diagnosis?
1) Maternal grandfather - no recollection, only what my Grandmother and Aunt have told me. According to them, my mother would drop me off so she could go partying even though my Grandmother would beg her not to because my grandfather had been drinking. My Grandmother was a victim of spousal abuse and unable to intervene. My mother and her two sisters were also abused by their father. He died of prostate cancer around 1993.
2) Mother's second husband's father - My mother and her husband went out for the evening and left me and my brother (1.5 yrs my senior) with 'step-grandfather' and his son who is 5 years older than me. I think I was 7? 8?. Us kids were in the basement and the boys were giving me a hard time, teasing me so I went up to the living room where he was sleeping on the couch. He asked me to lay beside him and proceeded to fondle me, including my vagina. He left abruptly to go to the bathroom, I think I now know what he was doing. While he was in there I ran back downstairs and hid under my brother's bed. When I told him and his son what happened, the son yelled and cursed at me. My mother and step-father did nothing when I told them. Years later I pressed charges. Found out he had also molested one of his nieces, he served less than 2 years for the both of us and was a school teacher. He died of prostate cancer.
3) Mother's second husband's brother (the son mentioned above). I was 12, he was 18. It was at my house in my bedroom. He has been drinking, came to my room and forced himself on and in to me. Somebody came up and he barricaded the door, wouldn't let them in. Nothing ever became of that.
4) I grew up on a very small island, probably 20 houses and about 50 people. There were a couple of 'village drunks'. One in particular lured me in to his shack and fondled me (can't recall where) and made me fondle him. I remember leaving with one shoe. Nothing ever became of that, not sure if I told anyone or not.
5) The same 'village drunk' and his drunk buddy at his buddy's shack. Don't recall much other than being forced to touch them.
Very promiscuous teenage years. Pregnant at 13, had my son (now 21) at age 14. I have a lot of guilt because I can see now that I have continued the stupid cycle of abuse by often yelling at him when he'd upset me. I don't know what would come over me but this rage would rise up within me and I would say stupid, hurtful things. (I didn't have to have you.. Could have given you up for adoption.. I and so remorseful for that). When he was 7, he was sodomized by a child a couple years older than him who lived down the street from us. I was always so protective with him around adults.. I feel like I failed to protect him. He did go to some therapy sessions after the incident but now has big time anger issues and would benefit from more if I could talk him in to going.
I am now in my mid-30's and have just been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder and I suspect I have PTSD. Had a really rough last 8 months. Lost my Grandmother (my protector..) in October due to Alzheimer's. Got really ill in January and so far they've found tumors n my parotid glands, a 6cm 'cystic lesion' on my right ovary, polycythemia (too many red blood cells), uterine fibroid. Have had blood in my stool and they are small and thin - waiting full diagnosis. I have abdominal cramps and feel nauseous all the time.
June 1st, on my 6 month mark of being sick in bed (on disability now..) my husband of 8 years whom I have always completely trusted (my rock.. the good guy) told me he was attracted to his coworker. Honesty is good, timing was bad. I can't say I blame him, he was/is searching for something I have been unable to give him.. a happy, positive relationship and a child. We're in couples therapy and starting individual therapy afterwards. We have both stopped drinking and I have stopped smoking marijuana.
I had been in therapy years ago and thought I had dealt with everything (used substances to turn off feelings) until he told me this. My world crumbled and I lost it. Started to have very dark thoughts (eg: everyone would be better off without me) and went to ER. Was on watch for a few days but things started to look up after our first therapy session. I was on a high for a few days (sleeping aids helped I think as I had not slept throughout the night in years). Last night I tired no pill and was able to fall asleep but had weird nightmares. Reliving the abuse, dreaming I lost my other Grandmother (still with us..) and dreaming we had a baby and all of a sudden I couldn't find it. Today we were in the grocery store and a baby started crying.. I left in tears.
I experience sadness, hopelessness, numbness, anxiety, inappropriate anger (lashing out over small things), social phobia, cognitive issues, insomnia, waking throughout the night, oversleeping, physical pain (muscles/joints/bones), OCD (trichotillomania, 'picking' at my face).
Have - elevated BP (181/115!), elevated cortisol (a.m. 855 - p.m. 381 suppressed w/ dexamethasone), elevated prolactin, elevated testosterone, LDL off the charts, B12 deficiency, polcythemia, PCOS, parotid tumors, 6cm 'cystic lesion' on R ovary, blood in stool, H.Pylori +
Meds - Wellbutrin (just started today), water pill (just started today), lipitor, zopiclone (did not take today due to new meds), B12
Anyone want to take a shot at possible diagnosis?
Last edited:
