Onlythisusernamewasleft
Member
I Sometime think I'm very weird...or odd....or am not sure really what to make off myself.
lets jus say that though not necessarily diagnosed, or even full fledged, mother shows traits which lead me to believe she's narcicistic....
I've felt somewhat different lately....though i couldn't explain to you what was different to things before. For one two negative forces are pretty much 80% non-existent in my day to day life....it could be said I'm happier or things are clearer...but right now i don't feel like that.
Lets get some weirdness out of the way and I'll just give you some tid bits on what goes on with me:
I'm pretty sure i suffer from anxiety/depression. Though it doesn't exactly feel like I'm sad. I might describe it, unless I'm having a happy period (minutes, hours....or finding something funny), as feeling somewhat blank and neutral.
The more and more i describe this the more and more this will probably sound like depression.
Hobbies. I have so many things going on in my head. I want to draw. I want to photoshop. I want to sew etc etc. For a period of time, maybe a week I'll be pretty gun ho about pursuing these things but i never end up really starting....and if i do start and never really pursue. I want to do these things. I want to get good at them.....but i just don't, and i find it hard to translate what i have an idea of in my head into something good on the outside. Like i don't have the skills (which i mostly don't) I sometimes think it's the old 'don't try don't fail' philosophy. When i think about what i want to gain from pursuing these things? I think recognition - people liking what i create....probably selling these things. I think i give up and write myself off to much to quickly.
I'm 20 and i don't remember lots of my childhood. Mostly bits and seemingly insignificant pieces here and there.When i say childhood i mean both young and teenage years.
I sometime start to feel...like a have a sore/dry throat and i feel like i want to vomit...i've come mostly to recognise this as anxiety. Sometime....i just get bummed, and i find it hard to think about or do anything as opposed to just feeling bummed. Anything, any small thing can trigger this.
I'm unemployed but a student. I often feel as though i don't want to get a job. I don't particularly want to do anything except some small hobbies maybe. But then again when i have free time to do things i know i enjoy, i don't do them. I used to do them alot....i like to read for one thing. But mostly i just find myself tired lately. More so since the school holidays. It seems I've switched back into my normal preference: Be wide awake and alert at night, and sleeping (or at least wanting to) during the day.
I seem to notice the small things and analyze things a lot. Like I'll notice the small things in how a person acts, even the small slights....it'll hurt me a lot.
I procrastinate on my school work a lot. Even though i know i have deadlines and even have worked out schedules. I have no great idea with what i want to do with my life...i seem to, in general, fail at life. I only picked my course of study because it seemed 'doable' and i had a slight interest in it.
If i had the money...i think I'd wear a different style of 'extreme' dress (goth/normal/punk etc) everyday, but i fear being ridiculed to much to do that. Though if dressed properly i think it'd be nice.
Hmmm that's about it for now.
lets jus say that though not necessarily diagnosed, or even full fledged, mother shows traits which lead me to believe she's narcicistic....
I've felt somewhat different lately....though i couldn't explain to you what was different to things before. For one two negative forces are pretty much 80% non-existent in my day to day life....it could be said I'm happier or things are clearer...but right now i don't feel like that.
Lets get some weirdness out of the way and I'll just give you some tid bits on what goes on with me:
I'm pretty sure i suffer from anxiety/depression. Though it doesn't exactly feel like I'm sad. I might describe it, unless I'm having a happy period (minutes, hours....or finding something funny), as feeling somewhat blank and neutral.
The more and more i describe this the more and more this will probably sound like depression.
Hobbies. I have so many things going on in my head. I want to draw. I want to photoshop. I want to sew etc etc. For a period of time, maybe a week I'll be pretty gun ho about pursuing these things but i never end up really starting....and if i do start and never really pursue. I want to do these things. I want to get good at them.....but i just don't, and i find it hard to translate what i have an idea of in my head into something good on the outside. Like i don't have the skills (which i mostly don't) I sometimes think it's the old 'don't try don't fail' philosophy. When i think about what i want to gain from pursuing these things? I think recognition - people liking what i create....probably selling these things. I think i give up and write myself off to much to quickly.
I'm 20 and i don't remember lots of my childhood. Mostly bits and seemingly insignificant pieces here and there.When i say childhood i mean both young and teenage years.
I sometime start to feel...like a have a sore/dry throat and i feel like i want to vomit...i've come mostly to recognise this as anxiety. Sometime....i just get bummed, and i find it hard to think about or do anything as opposed to just feeling bummed. Anything, any small thing can trigger this.
I'm unemployed but a student. I often feel as though i don't want to get a job. I don't particularly want to do anything except some small hobbies maybe. But then again when i have free time to do things i know i enjoy, i don't do them. I used to do them alot....i like to read for one thing. But mostly i just find myself tired lately. More so since the school holidays. It seems I've switched back into my normal preference: Be wide awake and alert at night, and sleeping (or at least wanting to) during the day.
I seem to notice the small things and analyze things a lot. Like I'll notice the small things in how a person acts, even the small slights....it'll hurt me a lot.
I procrastinate on my school work a lot. Even though i know i have deadlines and even have worked out schedules. I have no great idea with what i want to do with my life...i seem to, in general, fail at life. I only picked my course of study because it seemed 'doable' and i had a slight interest in it.
If i had the money...i think I'd wear a different style of 'extreme' dress (goth/normal/punk etc) everyday, but i fear being ridiculed to much to do that. Though if dressed properly i think it'd be nice.
Hmmm that's about it for now.
