More threads by bandarm

bandarm

Member
PLEASE KEEP in mind she only said the nasty thing about online advice websites when we were fighting. Three days ago my mom was cranky and kept snapping at me to the point we had a a tiff. During the course of the fight she said; I know you ask questions about weight and other things on the computer, these people are not experts, I see what you do; (But she really does not see because I log out when she comes near my computer) And of course she and I went back and forth saying nasty things
to one another. (But I like asking and getting advice on online advice websites the advice makes me feel better.) SO MY QUESTION: If you were me (or even it happened to you) and someone criticizes the people that you get advice from online how would you handle it? I mean would you ignore, defend it or other (and tell me what the other is) and why. She is 81 and I am 52
 

Daniel

admin@psychlinks.org
Administrator
I wouldn't make an issue out of it, esp. since I don't see any payoff. So if she brought the issue up again in conversation, I would try to change the subject of conversation.

"I know you ask questions about weight and other things on the computer, these people are not experts..."

This is a valid point, of course. Furthermore, even if we all had PhDs and MDs, we still would be limited in our ability to help since a therapist can do much more in person.
 

sunset

Member
Given her age, I would let it go. Maybe she is feeling left out and wondering why you arent asking HER advice.. She sounds a bit lonely to me..
 

stargazer

Member
Given her age, I would let it go. Maybe she is feeling left out and wondering why you arent asking HER advice.. She sounds a bit lonely to me..

I've agreed with what Daniel & Nancy said also, and I want to add the sunset's theory has some merit. I would definitely let it go. My mother lived into her 80's as I was approaching 50, and even during my 50th year (the year when she died) I had to stop short of challenging certain statements, knowing there was, as Daniel said, "no payoff." Mothers are mothers, and will likely remain so.
 

ThatLady

Member
I think, perhaps, I'd thank her for her concern and explain that I'm not necessarily asking for advice, but often simply sharing experiences with others. I'd also endeavor to spend more time with her talking about what I've learned, or shared, and what she might have to share on various subjects. Maybe, if you include her in what's going on it will give her more of a feeling of connection. :)
 

stargazer

Member
I think what ThatLady just wrote makes sense. That way your Mom is not excluded; plus, she knows that you're just "chatting" and not necessarily putting all your stock in "online advice."
 
I agree with what your previous posters have written.

You may not be seeking advice from experts in their field but from real people who have experienced the same kind of thing. Those very people can give an amazing amount of support.

My guess is that your mother feels left out of the loop. Do you seek support from online communities because if you were to approach your mother, she wouldn't know what to suggest or simply dismiss you?
 

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