My boyfriend needs help and I am helpless!

[sonnarose]

Hi,
I really dont know what to do anymore. I have been with him for a year and knew he was struggling with panic attacks when we started going out. He had also lost his father about 2 months before and seemed somehow lost and in need of love and care, which I am happy to give. He has been referred to a psychologist about 1 year ago but we live in England and the health system is very slow. He has just been told that it is not considered as a high priority and he will have to wait another 2-3 months. He lost his job due to the whole thing and this is a big strain on the relationship. I have the impression he is trying to self-medicate through drinking and it gets worse then the next day, I guess due to the stimulating effect.He calls it "phasey" and it feels like he was not really there. He has just been on a three-day bender and we have had a major row.
I would so like to help him but it feels I cannot get anywhere. I have read about CBT and believe it could help but then again, I am no professional.
can you give me some advice, please?!
Thanks

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

CBT can definitely help. So can medication.

If the waiting list for psychotherapy or CBT is extensive, at the very least he should be encouraged to talk to his family doctor about getting on some medication. Alcohol is only going to make it worse. This book may also be useful while he is waiting to see a therapist:

Burns, David. When Panic Attacks: The New, Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. Morgan Road Books, 2006.

Additionally, encourage him to look into meditation and yoga - these can be very beneficial for some people.

Finally, have him look at nutrition: Adding in additional omega-3 foods to his diet and/or omega-3 supplements like salmon oil capsules can help. Reduce caffeine (coffee, tea, chocolate, many soft drinks) will also help - switch to decaffeinated drinks instead. Limit alcohol intake. If he is a pot smoker, encourage him to cut down or eliminate that as well (and of course any other recreational drugs, many of which will exacerbate panic disorder).

 

[sister-ray]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

Hi Sonnarose,

I live in England too and fully understand the problems with waiting and our health system, Im posting a link to PALS, it might be worth contacting your local one as they may be able to advise you, I've used them a couple of times and and found them really helpful, there is a search facility to find your local area office , under OFFICE DIRECTORY at the top of the page, it might be quicker to search under Explore by SHA/trust. Hope this is helpful.

http://www.pals.nhs.uk/default.aspx

 

[sonnarose]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

Hi you two and thanks for your support.
I have already read quite a bit about the triggers and am aware of the importance of reducing stimulants.
From my point of view his nutrition is catastrophic and he never eats regularly. He has gone off coffee and tea completely, doesnt smoke weed but occasionally takes MDMA and coke, always ending up with anxiety.
I will pass on the advice on Omega oils.
I guess he will have to make major changes to his lifestyle as he lives in a large houseshare, where drinking is a regular thing and it is difficult to find peace and quiet for meditation.
@through-these- eyes, i have already emailed PALS and hope they will get back to me.
Thanks again and take care,
sonnarose

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

doesnt smoke weed but occasionally takes MDMA and coke

No kidding! I cannot imagine a worse combination for someone with a vulnerability to panic disorder.

 

[sonnarose]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

Yes I do agree but these occasions are very rare.
I am more concerned about the likelihood to go with the flow and to consume alcohol to overcome shyness and be part of the lads culture.
I suppose there is only so much you can do as a partner without coming across as patronising. I hope he will realise that he will have to be the one making conscious changes and that its not only down to the NHS.
Thanks again, you have already helped me quite a lot by responding to my query.:dimples:

 

[sister-ray]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

Sonnarose

heres a link that has organisations that help with drink and drug issues, even if your boyfriend doesnt want to go for help at the moment they may be able to offer you some advice/support

http://www.aquarius.org.uk/Wrapper/Repository/versionone/links.htm

 

[sonnarose]

Re: My boyfriend needs help and i am helpless!

Thanks through-these-eyes,
I guess thats a touchy subject at the mo. But I will keep this in mind.
I will see for now if PALS can help, have ordered the self-help book and feel that there are actually things I might be able to do.
Thank you!