My Boyfriend

[Incubus9083]

My boyfriend is Bi. He loves me, but he says he has to have a girl once in awhile. I am somewhat jealous and upset because of this. He is amazing and I wouldnt have anyone else. He also doesnt want his friends to know we are bfs. In fear that it will get back to his parents, and he is afraid of what his friends will say. My friends are fine with it. They know about me, and I told them about my bf and I. My friends are all cool with it. However, I am not sure his friends will be fine with it. I am his first bf, and I am helping him cope with any changes. I understand how he feels. I'm just not sure I am ok with it. I asked him if I could change him, to be completely gay, and he said no. I want to keep him. I need him. How can I talk to him about this? I want him to just be with me, and not have sex with girls or other guys. I would appreciate any input and advice.

 

[marieduard]

hi there. I'm no expert in giving advice (usually I'm the one who needs one). Yet, in the spirit of this community i decided to give a word whenever I can. Forgive me if you feel my answer's totally silly...

He loves me, but he says he has to have a girl once in awhile.

Well, is he really bi or is he with girls just to hide the fact he's gay? As you said yourself he is afraid of his family and friends' reactions.. and I believe it's natural. As you are his first boyfriend he may feel a bit pressure and confused about it.. You sure need to be supportive. However, in my opinion, if his friends are real friends they will accept him as he is. Struggling against one's nature isn't good.. and trying to conceal it may only lead to more confusion in one's mind.

I asked him if I could change him, to be completely gay, and he said no.

I don't think you should try to change him at all. Perhaps he is not totally sure who he is (can anyone really?) and you could help him to find that out.... I can also understand you feeling jealous.. just talk to him about it. Honestly tell how you feel and how you'd be happier if it was just the two of you.. and no one else in the zone

Marie

 

[Superiority Tails]

There's nothing wrong with being gay. Love in any form is beautiful. Friends are supportive with anything you do. Not all time but I'm sure that if his friends are true then it shouldn't change the relationship of his friends. I would be afraid of people finding out if I was gay because friends come first and you don't want to hurt them with a girl or a boy because a boy or a girl can betray you and brake your heart but a friend stays true. Just him want I said.

 

[Incubus9083]

Well, this evening, I went over to my bfs house. Me and 2 other friends. So we were there for a good while talking and stuff, hanging out. I stepped outside to take a phone call. When I came back in, my friends told me what he was saying while I was out. And my bf had told them that he was just using me to take him places and for money. We all confronted it with eachother. And he admitted to it. He says that all our relationship was, just about money, and him wanting to take advantage of me and my money. I am sooooo devistated. I cannot believe this has happened. I prayed and prayed, and I cried.....wanting for a good bf to be sent my way. And I thought he was the one, I was sooo happy. But the truth has come out. I thanked my friends who alerted me of this. So.....what next? What, and how do I go about my own way? What if he calls, or tried to talk to me? Do I answer......or just totally ignore him? Dont know...............

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It's hard to see how talking to this guy or being with him is going to do anything except hurt you more, Incubus.

As painful as this must be right now, you are probably better off turning your back on this guy and moving on. There is someone out there who will treat you with respect and courtesy and affectionate - this guy isn't it.

 

[Eunoia]

I agree, why spend more time and energy on someone who had no other intentions than to use you for $ etc... he doesn't deserve your attention and can't honestly expect after using you and being so dumb to admit it to friends, that you would still be willing to talk. what's there to talk about? it wasn't your fault, and maybe it's better to have found out now and not later after more time, enegery, and money was invested what his true intentions are- but it's definitely a hurtful situation, no question about that. and you were actually trying to support him in every way and trying to understand where he was coming from- it sounds to me like he is the one who loses in this situation, b/c even though you're hurt you only lost someone who wasn't worth your time where as he lost someone who cared about him a whole bunch and was supportive and genuine.

 

[Superiority Tails]

I too have to agree to that.

 

[marieduard]

I totally agree with the previous posts. Either this guy is just too messed up about the whole thing or he is just kind of stupid. Still, nothing excuses his attitude. You'll find someone who deserves you, don't waste your precious time on someone who doesn't.

Marie

 

[Lana]

So.....what next? What, and how do I go about my own way? What if he calls, or tried to talk to me? Do I answer......or just totally ignore him? Dont know...............

Hi Incubus;

I'm sorry that the relationship didn't work out for you. What may happen next is that you will go trough a period of grief, then possibly anger, then healing. Eventually, you'll come out the other side stronger and richer for having this experience, ready and open for the next one. Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself and let your friends help you along the way (it sounds like you have wonderful friends) and us, here at this forum. You are surrounded by many that care

If he tries to contact you again just tell him that you can't talk to him right then. When you're healed (and you will be, I promise) if he tries again, you'll know exactly what to say or do.

Take good care of you, Incubus *hugs*

Lana.