My job is overwhelming and I need help to keep it.

[Jesse910]

Last week and yesterday, I made mistakes in my work. I am being written up. The mistakes are mine. I work in a law firm and I am interacting with people who are cut throats. There are four people I am working for. I strongly dislike my inability to proofread/correct my mistakes. I am not ready to retire. Additionally, I was yelled at by the CFO and when I tried to defend myself, I was told to "Shut up" and to "Stop talking." One of my goals this weekend was to update my resume and discreetly send it out. Secondly, I have created a list to help me recall what needs to be done to produce an excellent work product.

To add to my plate, my husband and I have a 21 year old son who has not been in school for over a year and had to leave his summer job because he was behaving inappropriately. He saw a therapist one time and stated that he was not going back. He has an appt to see a PCP this week in order to get a referral for behavioral health. He is self-medicating with marijuana. He sleeps while we at work and is up half the night. The stress has been awful.

I want to keep my job. It is challenging and stimulating. I need to be able to compartmentalize so that I can give 100 percent. This is very long and I am sorry.

 

[Daniel E.]

My initial impression is your job is overwhelming since your employers are bozos (e.g. toddler bosses):





The way they are treating you, why not work for a large corporation?

Regarding proofreading and avoiding mistakes, it's obviously a lot easier to do with more time. But these days, employees are doing the job of two people already.

Your idea of a checklist is great. I have found it helpful in the past, and there is whole book promoting checklists:

The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right: Atul Gawande: 9780312430009: Amazon.com: Books

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It may well be time to see what other employment opportunities may be out there for you. Stressful and/or abusive employment environments are not worth the damage to your mental and physical health.

As for your son, you say he is self-medicating... self-medicating for what?

 

[Jesse910]

Daniel, thank you for helping me feel that I am not going bonkers and for validating my sentiments. I truly want to leave this job on my terms. It is still an employer's market.

 

[Jesse910]

Hi David. I am updating my resume and plan to send it out next week.

A few years ago, our son had an ACL tear and instead of opting for surgery, he chose physical therapy. And, we discovered that he was using marijuana. He was failing in school because he was not going to class, studying, purchasing the book, and not utilizing the services of the disability office for people with ADHD. More to the point, our son was in a brief relationship with s woman who he forced himself upon sexually. We asked who she was and why he did this. We confirmed that she was an adult and told him not to have further contact with her. And, we told him that he needed to see a therapist.HIPPA does not help parents who want to help their newly adult children. When his behavior started going sideways this summer, I noticed a drastic change in his behavior. He became hostile towards me and I was afraid of him. Once he quit his job, he calmed down. He has not friends. And we have no family to talk to about this. We adopted our son when he was a month old. We had no real problems with him until after high school - 3 yrs ago. My husband and I are accompanying our son to his new internist this coming week. He needs to be evaluated.

 

[GaryQ]

Even if you were bonkers, yelling at employees and telling them to shut up is abusive and “bozo” I’m guessing was a polite way of putting it in Daniel’s description.
il omit using the term I find appropriate for an employer or anyone that talks to someone like that.

Job hunting does seem like a good idea.

regarding your son I don’t know what to say. It’s a huge and difficult task dealing with adult children at the best of times. Hope a helpful solution can come soon and that he can turn his life around.

 

[Jesse910]

Thanks Gary. Working for this law firm for close to 9 yrs has been challenging. Yet, I do understand the ethics of the business and when a mistake is made, lawsuits prevail. I am going to do two things: re-tool how I to perform my work and react to anxiety and stress and update my resume.

As for my son, our parental actions are to help him learn to live his life so that we can live and enjoy our life.mg:

 

[forgetmenot]

I hope all goes well Jessie you getting a new position with less abuse and stress and for your son I know you will do all that is possible to get him the support he needs to move forward. Hugs to you.

 

[GaryQ]

I totally understand the severity and consequences of even minor mistakes but that still does not justify lack of respect and considering lawyers master the art of communication it's not like you're working in a construction site trailer office where in appropriate behavior like that would probably be considered normal day to day communications.

Sure it's important to do everything in your power to ensure accuracy as much as humanly possible as in in many other critical fields of employment but that doesn't give anyone the right to treat someone like a piece of Sh*t.

But this is just my personal opinion because I'm a little "touchy" on certain subjects. And have a severe allergy to "I can do what I want because I'm your "superior in every way" "colon exit points"

 

[Daniel E.]

BTW:

Future Lawyers Should Be Screened and Trained for Empathy | HuffPost Life

Those who tend to be attracted to law school in the first place tend to be logical thinkers (rule oriented) and have low EQ levels. Moreover, the research indicates that the training students receive in law school also causes an "erosion of empathy." Furthermore, the more empathic students tend to drop out of law school at a much higher rate. Moreover, "lawyers with 'higher levels of resilience, empathy, initiative and sociability' are more likely to leave law practice than those with lower levels of those traits." In fact, "some US law firms have used this assessment metric (a scale to measure sociopaths on a scale of 0 to 40, with higher levels being extreme behaviour) in their hiring practice, preferring to employ lawyers with sociopathic index close to 29.

 

[Jesse910]

Thank you so much FMN. My husband and this community have helped me get my bearings this weekend. And, I am grateful.

 

[Jesse910]

I am exhausted but humbled by the past few weeks. Our son was seen by an internist who referred him to the addiction clinic at a university hospital near home. He will be evaluated next week. He is still smoking weed, but we are not giving him money. We don't know if he's pawning stuff.

I responded to my written warning at work after speaking with an attorney friend. I am tired but in weekly contact with my therapist. The stress is eating at me. I am not sleeping through the night.

 

[Daniel E.]

Seems like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances on all fronts

Regarding sleep, I have benefited in the past from Benadryl in the short term or up to 10 mg of melatonin. I also have benefited from benzos or trazodone, but they require a prescription.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Gravol can help as a short term sleep remedy too.

 

[Jesse910]

Trazodone is already a part of my nightly cocktail. I will try breathing slowly.

 

[gooblax]

It does sound like a bunch of stressful stuff going on at once @Jesse910.
In addition to medication and relaxation stuff, how have your physical activity and meals been lately?

 

[Jesse910]

Hi Gooblax:

The one meal I eat with consistency is dinner. And, physical activity is limited to walking to and from my car to catch my train which is closely 8 blocks roundtrip. This something I can change. Thanks for the reminder.

 

[Jesse910]

I had forgotten what anxiety can do when you are the subject. Gooblax, I did do some walking today. Yet, I can not bring myself to eat much because I have no desire to chew. And, this is one of the ways I punish myself. I told my truth in my rebuttal. Yet, it is not my truth that matters. I did not sleep well last night because I caused my own fiasco by not staying focused on the job. My resume is coming along, but it is not finished. I can handle this. I just need to remain strong.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Seems like you are doing the best you can under the circumstances on all fronts

I agree with Daniel. All you can do is take it one day at a time and cope as best you can.

 

[Jesse910]

Understood.