More threads by gingerale


Hi Guys

I havent been on here for ages because I have done really well, though I have referred friends to your site to get info and advice and also two roommates, one of which is my sister. :)Hopefully they cant crack my password though they are not that kind of people, nor would I try to crack their passwords.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble I tend to do that.

I have been a generalised anxiety case for a long time but I have been doing really well. I havent had any major freak outs about my health or worries about my life until recently. I totally think its because of my job that I am having anxiety attacks and crying all the time, even in front of people at work with is very embarassing and inappropriate. I work in a high stress job and get paid very well for what i am doing. I am a production manager in a manufacturing company. I am expected to do all the hiring and firing for my area and lately I have been asked to fire people without a good reason, like they missed three days of work in six months and that didnt meet company standards. My bosses are raising their voices to me all the time and there is so much pressure and deadlines and stress that I am starting to crack.

I guess I need to get out but I cant find another job yet and I have to pay my share of the rent so I cant up and quit. Do you have any suggestions on how I can keep it together in front of my bosses and not cry at work? I look like an emotional basketcase which is what they think of me but I dont want to give them any reason to fire me, they would be emoional basketcases too if they were yelled at and degraded all the time.

I feel sick about firing people for no reason too, it just isnt right, I cant do this, its making me revert back to my anxiety ways and I cant even function at the moment with this stress. Am I over reacting?
i don't think you are overreacting. anyone who was being yelled at all the time, put under pressure and especially expected to do things they do not support would have a hard time. it is something to take seriously and to try to find a solution for.

is it an option to look for work elsewhere without quitting right away?

what kind of support do you have from friends and family?

are you on any medication for your anxiety?

it might be a good idea to visit your doctor and talk about your stress-levels. this kind of stress in the long run can hurt your physical health too. self-care is important.


It doesn't sound to me like you're over-reacting. The more likely scenario is that your bosses are taking advantage of your good nature. I would start looking for another job, and in the meantime take heart & blow them off, insofar as is possible. Don't expect perfection out of yourself, but take it one step at a time. When dealing with your bosses, consider the source.


Thanks for your answer, sorry I didnt answer, I have been busy turning back into a depressed anxiety case again like I was two years ago when I first joined the forum. On the positive side, I am now ready to move out of my house which is nice because I wont have room mates anymore. Housing is so expensive, thats why I had room mates but i couldnt take that or my job anymore (i am moving to another city now for a new job that does not pay as much) and I am much too old to be living with room mates that are alot younger than me. It was more financial necessity and then I got to lazy to move and its a pain to share a computer and house with two others.

I dont know what is happening to me though, I must be going through some kind of depression, if its not one thing with me its another. Now I am crying all the time and this time because I am single and dont have kids. Why do I do this to myself? I cry even looking at kids now, and I dont feel like I will ever have them, why am I doing this? I didnt care about this awhile ago and now I am moving on my own and I cant stop crying all the time. Why do I constantly need something to worry about? My job, my health, my future, my friends my family, everything. Maybe I like being depressed, I dont know.

I am 38 and I guess its possible I could still have kids but there is no one in my horizon. Why is it so important to me now, I am sorry if I am being self pitying or pathetic, I am so pathetic that I had to drive home to see my parents in Saskatoon and I cried all the way driving there and it takes hours to drive there. I bet lots of you are happy without kids, but I feel like my life is over for some reason and I should be happy about starting a new chapter. Maybe I am just scared to be on my own and I want someone to validate me, I am getting back to my old obsessive worrying ways which havent been a problem for years up until recently. I wish I wasnt such a sobbing hysterical loser, thats how I feel, I am not fit to raise a hamster let alone a kid anyway.:mad:
gingerale, are you taking any medication and are you seeing a therapist? i think the combination of the two would make a huge difference in your life. depression is awful to live through and why suffer through it when there is help available and that will make your life so much better?

for now, i don't know how "real" the issue of not having kids is for you. i am not sure if it's just another thing you are focusing on to be depressed about or if it's a real regret that will still be there once you recover. either way you're hurting right now and i highly recommend finding a professional to talk to. you deserve to feel so much better about yourself than you do right now.


Gingerale, you are definitely not a hysterical loser however you do sound like you are under a lot of stress at the moment with the changing jobs and impending move. I don't know how immediate this move is but do you currently have a therapist that you are seeing that could help you with all these overwhelming feelings that you are having? I really think that it would be a good idea to talk to a therapist about the obsessive worrying as well as the crying all the time because you feel that your life is over because you don't have children. You have a lot going on right now and stress can definitely make the obssessive thoughts worse.

Please do think about going or finding a therapist that you can talk to. At least take the first step of talking to your doctor about these feelings.

Take care


Thanks for the reply, I dont know how real these issues are for me either, its hard to sort it out because I get so confused by my feelings, I have done this in the past where I start becoming obsessive about things but in the past few years I have been working so much it wasnt as much of a problem. I think I have too much time on my hands for one thing which is likely not a good thing and I am overwhelmed at the start of starting over at 38 by myself where I dont really know anyone and I am not as outgoing as I could be. Maybe I am just looking for something to be depressed about, I mean I could always adopt if I a really want kids, so I really doubt this is at the heart of my depression, Into the Light is probably right about that. i think I am just looking for something to be depressed about, but I dont know if it is deliberate that I am doing it or if I am really depressed. I know I cant stop crying all the time.

I will try and find a therapist once I move in a few weeks. I dont know if I need medication, its hard to know for sure.


I will try and find a therapist once I move in a few weeks.

I really think that this would be a good idea if for nothing else to have contact with someone once you move. It may take a while to get adjusted to your new surroundings and your depression may seem to get worse for a while being that you are not going to know anyone etc. and to have a therapist to talk to would defintely be helpful while you get adjusted.

Good luck with the move and let us know how it goes.
i think I am just looking for something to be depressed about, but I dont know if it is deliberate that I am doing it or if I am really depressed. I know I cant stop crying all the time.
i don't think it's deliberate, it's just a manifestation of the depression. i know i used to have the feeling too that maybe i just wanted to be depressed but i think it's just the depression itself that takes hold of us and we get used to it, as miserable as we feel. it becomes our brain's default mode. as you get treatment though and work at it, in time the "wanting to be depressed" feeling will pass. i don't feel that way anymore and when i have times now that i start to feel depressed, the second i recognize it, it's as if a switch in my brain gets flicked and the feeling goes away, because i know it's depressive thinking and i see it for what it is, and i know that it's distorted thinking. it's really quite amazing.

I will try and find a therapist once I move in a few weeks. I dont know if I need medication, its hard to know for sure.
that is definitely where you need an expert's opinion and if they do recommend it i would say take the recommendation. at the very least you do need a therapist to help you feel better.

moving will indeed increase your feelings of depression as it is a major change in your life, so i would definitely try to expect it and not be surprised by it.

keep in touch with us here as you go through all these changes, i've found it very helpful here and at least this would be a constant in your life until you get back on your feet.
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