Onlythisusernamewasleft
Member
Well.
Let me start off with one of the major factors that ruins my life: My Mother.
My mother isn't a very nice person, at the very least to me. I can't remember much of my childhood or her in it though until she and our dad got divorced when i was about 7. I don't remember it ever really being discussed...the divorce....i do remember her coming into me and my younger sisters room one night upset and crying asking if she could sleep here tonight. and the last memory i have before we moved interstate and away from my dad was when i was dozing of in a friend of the families lap and she was stroking me hair, and it was warm and sunny. I then went to get up either realizing it wasn't my mum or i think because my mum i had back from somewhere, and she no it was fine (that i was falling asleep in her lap). I'm still a fan of dozing off on warm sunny days:cat3:
Well now a days practically the only interaction i have with her is her commanding me to do things, that she going out or to work or that i should stop studying anf get a job or i need to get a job. I'm 20.
My mother i don't remember as ever being affectionate, loving, or caring. She might talk to us but i don't remember much of that ever going on. I still live at home study, used to work fulltime until i got made redundant. Understand that there's only so much information i can give over the internet.
My mothers is always commanding things get done. It's always been 'do what i say because i said' that sort of thing. It's always been the dishes now or she'll give some vague threat. It used to be 'i'll take away your welfare money back into my name' nowadays it's 'i'll raise your boared everytime you don't do something (like the dishes or clean the whole kitchen) or 'i'll kick you out'. A few years ago me and my younger sister lent her some money when she needed it (like we could say no) and the amount she borrowed from us young teens got somewhat high - some hundreds or $ each. I lost count at some stage and slashed it down to $300 with she still owing my sister $150. She did pay back some of the money she owed...but when we - mainly me brought it up every couple of months maybe she'd say 'well if you that worried about money i'll just take you welfare back into my name' or 'fine i'll raise your board because you don't pay enough for the food electricity gas rent'. Every time - so i preety much stopped asking. Now i think she says that she paid it back....though i'm sure ^^all that would start up again if i asked her.
I'm the scapegoat in the family i believe. It's always me that get told to clean and whatnot. At one stage i was getting yelled at every day after school when my mother came home about an hour and a half after i got home from school and the house wasn't spotless....there was always something i didn't do. I didn't do the dishes (which is donw at night unless she randomly commands they be done in the afternoon any time i'm home), i could have vaccuumed etc. One time my brother (younger) even said the house looked cleana and that she did clean to which she said 'she could have vacuumed'. These are my mothers favourite sayings as far as i'm concerned: 'So what have you done today?' , if i tell her what i did or list the chores i did she'll respond 'yeah right' i now when things have been done' 'well you didnt do a very good job then did you' and most of the time she redo the little things like tidying up a room or wiping the kitchen bench again.
I am the only one yelled at and expected to keep the house clean. My younger brother does nothing. My mother expects him to do nothing 'because he a boy'. He's also in trouble with the cops and has had two court dates and may be going to juvie. My younger brother is a manipulator too. He is always manipulating conversations so i get yelled at, and brings up something that i did or didn't do. He's always threatening me to manipulate her to have a go at me. I tell her all the things he does, how he manipulates her and what not, but she doesn't believe me, just ignore what i say. I think as far as my brothers concerned she just doesn't want to know.
Practically everyone in my family hates my mother to a degree weather they openly dwell on it or not. I get the brunt of dealing with her....i can't help it. I'm constantly feeling down, have trouble concentrating, entertaining killing myself for revenge just so somebody would notice. Lately i’ve been alternating between not being able to sleep and sleeping too much. Most of the time i’ll be wide awake and alert at night and want to sleep in the day – though even though i’m awake i procrastinate and can’t seem to get things done that i need and want to do. And this is me on holidays, how bad is it gonna be when i go back to school in a few days? I do have a friend that i talk to often on msn and he’s cool, he had autism and is hot wired to be a know it all about computers buts thats cool. He’s only 16 (met him at school) but he’s good company, not too demanding really and easy to talk to. We go to this club and watch Anime Fridays nights. It’s fun, i talk a bit to people (mainly because i feel as though there not judging me and have similar interests) and the shows are funny and good. It’s a good time.
I was going preety good at the beginning of the new year. I had set out goals, and things i wanted to do, planned out ways to manage my time. Then it’s been getting closer and closer to the beginning of the school year and i think my interactions with my mother have gotten worse.I failed my last semester because i didn’t study and use my time properly....i think it was all downhill from day one. I think it’s because i’ve started fighting back a bit lately. She says i’m argumentative. She’s called my a bitch and selfish bitch before too when i didn’t want to lend my brother my DVDs. She also had a go at my recently because because apparently i never do anything, don’t eat well and need to get a job. I do do things and at the very least want to do things. She always having a go at me because i’m always on the computer. It used to be that i was on the computer in the lounge room and now its that i’m always in my room on my computer doing nothing. I do do things (like i said, at least attempt to) on the computer and my school work is IT so of course i’m going to study and recreation wise spend most of my time on the computer....which is met with pretty much a ‘yeah right’ from my mother. She always of the opinion that i don’t study, and apparently i shouldn’t be studying IT because someone at her work told her i didn’t need to go to school to learn IT (who do i have beat the shit out for that one....). She doesn’t approve of my studying IT. And has said that i should be studying social work or library services or something if i want to do something she approves of. When i was younger i used to talk with some friends mother who was a social worker and said to me, and then to my mother that i would make a good one. For a while i just decided that’s what i wanted to do. I’m not bad at it. But it’s what my mother wrapped her head around that i should do. And then i just decided on IT. It’s just something. I don’t what i want to do i like the idea of a lot of different things but have found i’m not really good at anything and i don’t like having to deal with people or take initiative in social interaction. I avoid it. Except for the anime club. She was also like this when i teacher suggested what my younger sister should do, though she hasn’t bugged her as much about that one. I genuinely felt up to getting a job at the beginning of this year but now i just don’t want to. I felt kinda sick in the stomach these last few days.....unsure wether its hunger or just pains....it doesn’t feel normal. My sleeping and eating pattern is all out of wack. These last two days i’ve just mostly slept, knowing i had these i wanted to do but didn’t really feel up to doing.
And no i’m not going to talk to my mother about any of this. Talking to my mother is just opening up communication for to yell at me or tell me to get a job, and give her ammunition to hurt me. I learnt early on not to talk to my mother, though i suppose i want to though i shouldn’t. When i was in 8th grade i once broke down crying when she asked me if i had made any friends and i said no and she yelled at saying something like ‘why is it always this way with you’. I’ve always had problems making and keeping friends. Yeah she’s great. I think i made the mental note to shut down after that, not like we were close or anything at.
As my younger brother says my younger sister is a freak of nature. Always succeeds, always liked, never really needed any encouragement. Though she got it and my mother’s quite proud she her daughter. Like it’s a testament that she not a bad mother. It always ‘your younger sister has three jobs and was working when she was in high school’. I’m expected to do my sisters chores because she’s not home because she apparently works when majority of the time she at or sleeping at her boyfriends. I remember when i used to work part time during high school and get home late and not want to do the dishes i’d be told that if i couldn’t work and do chores at the same time i should quite my job.
My older sister also hates my mother and avoids having any interaction with despite them working for the same company. My sister is always apparently having to correct people or apologise when my mother lies, or insults someone (ie those clothes are looking a little tight). Such as her saying that she and my older sister talk all the time and are closer then they appear. Which they are not. Also having to correct people when my mother tells people about how she proud of her kids and this and that. When it’s really about appearances. She brought this up to us kids at home once when she said about a family member coming to visit ‘she better not lie to him and make me look bad like she does to people t work or otherwise she’s going to get’
Well i’m sure there’s more i could remember but i think that’s enough for now.
At some stage i think i’m going to delete this post, you never know who’ll find it as some stage.
Let me start off with one of the major factors that ruins my life: My Mother.
My mother isn't a very nice person, at the very least to me. I can't remember much of my childhood or her in it though until she and our dad got divorced when i was about 7. I don't remember it ever really being discussed...the divorce....i do remember her coming into me and my younger sisters room one night upset and crying asking if she could sleep here tonight. and the last memory i have before we moved interstate and away from my dad was when i was dozing of in a friend of the families lap and she was stroking me hair, and it was warm and sunny. I then went to get up either realizing it wasn't my mum or i think because my mum i had back from somewhere, and she no it was fine (that i was falling asleep in her lap). I'm still a fan of dozing off on warm sunny days:cat3:
Well now a days practically the only interaction i have with her is her commanding me to do things, that she going out or to work or that i should stop studying anf get a job or i need to get a job. I'm 20.
My mother i don't remember as ever being affectionate, loving, or caring. She might talk to us but i don't remember much of that ever going on. I still live at home study, used to work fulltime until i got made redundant. Understand that there's only so much information i can give over the internet.
My mothers is always commanding things get done. It's always been 'do what i say because i said' that sort of thing. It's always been the dishes now or she'll give some vague threat. It used to be 'i'll take away your welfare money back into my name' nowadays it's 'i'll raise your boared everytime you don't do something (like the dishes or clean the whole kitchen) or 'i'll kick you out'. A few years ago me and my younger sister lent her some money when she needed it (like we could say no) and the amount she borrowed from us young teens got somewhat high - some hundreds or $ each. I lost count at some stage and slashed it down to $300 with she still owing my sister $150. She did pay back some of the money she owed...but when we - mainly me brought it up every couple of months maybe she'd say 'well if you that worried about money i'll just take you welfare back into my name' or 'fine i'll raise your board because you don't pay enough for the food electricity gas rent'. Every time - so i preety much stopped asking. Now i think she says that she paid it back....though i'm sure ^^all that would start up again if i asked her.
I'm the scapegoat in the family i believe. It's always me that get told to clean and whatnot. At one stage i was getting yelled at every day after school when my mother came home about an hour and a half after i got home from school and the house wasn't spotless....there was always something i didn't do. I didn't do the dishes (which is donw at night unless she randomly commands they be done in the afternoon any time i'm home), i could have vaccuumed etc. One time my brother (younger) even said the house looked cleana and that she did clean to which she said 'she could have vacuumed'. These are my mothers favourite sayings as far as i'm concerned: 'So what have you done today?' , if i tell her what i did or list the chores i did she'll respond 'yeah right' i now when things have been done' 'well you didnt do a very good job then did you' and most of the time she redo the little things like tidying up a room or wiping the kitchen bench again.
I am the only one yelled at and expected to keep the house clean. My younger brother does nothing. My mother expects him to do nothing 'because he a boy'. He's also in trouble with the cops and has had two court dates and may be going to juvie. My younger brother is a manipulator too. He is always manipulating conversations so i get yelled at, and brings up something that i did or didn't do. He's always threatening me to manipulate her to have a go at me. I tell her all the things he does, how he manipulates her and what not, but she doesn't believe me, just ignore what i say. I think as far as my brothers concerned she just doesn't want to know.
Practically everyone in my family hates my mother to a degree weather they openly dwell on it or not. I get the brunt of dealing with her....i can't help it. I'm constantly feeling down, have trouble concentrating, entertaining killing myself for revenge just so somebody would notice. Lately i’ve been alternating between not being able to sleep and sleeping too much. Most of the time i’ll be wide awake and alert at night and want to sleep in the day – though even though i’m awake i procrastinate and can’t seem to get things done that i need and want to do. And this is me on holidays, how bad is it gonna be when i go back to school in a few days? I do have a friend that i talk to often on msn and he’s cool, he had autism and is hot wired to be a know it all about computers buts thats cool. He’s only 16 (met him at school) but he’s good company, not too demanding really and easy to talk to. We go to this club and watch Anime Fridays nights. It’s fun, i talk a bit to people (mainly because i feel as though there not judging me and have similar interests) and the shows are funny and good. It’s a good time.
I was going preety good at the beginning of the new year. I had set out goals, and things i wanted to do, planned out ways to manage my time. Then it’s been getting closer and closer to the beginning of the school year and i think my interactions with my mother have gotten worse.I failed my last semester because i didn’t study and use my time properly....i think it was all downhill from day one. I think it’s because i’ve started fighting back a bit lately. She says i’m argumentative. She’s called my a bitch and selfish bitch before too when i didn’t want to lend my brother my DVDs. She also had a go at my recently because because apparently i never do anything, don’t eat well and need to get a job. I do do things and at the very least want to do things. She always having a go at me because i’m always on the computer. It used to be that i was on the computer in the lounge room and now its that i’m always in my room on my computer doing nothing. I do do things (like i said, at least attempt to) on the computer and my school work is IT so of course i’m going to study and recreation wise spend most of my time on the computer....which is met with pretty much a ‘yeah right’ from my mother. She always of the opinion that i don’t study, and apparently i shouldn’t be studying IT because someone at her work told her i didn’t need to go to school to learn IT (who do i have beat the shit out for that one....). She doesn’t approve of my studying IT. And has said that i should be studying social work or library services or something if i want to do something she approves of. When i was younger i used to talk with some friends mother who was a social worker and said to me, and then to my mother that i would make a good one. For a while i just decided that’s what i wanted to do. I’m not bad at it. But it’s what my mother wrapped her head around that i should do. And then i just decided on IT. It’s just something. I don’t what i want to do i like the idea of a lot of different things but have found i’m not really good at anything and i don’t like having to deal with people or take initiative in social interaction. I avoid it. Except for the anime club. She was also like this when i teacher suggested what my younger sister should do, though she hasn’t bugged her as much about that one. I genuinely felt up to getting a job at the beginning of this year but now i just don’t want to. I felt kinda sick in the stomach these last few days.....unsure wether its hunger or just pains....it doesn’t feel normal. My sleeping and eating pattern is all out of wack. These last two days i’ve just mostly slept, knowing i had these i wanted to do but didn’t really feel up to doing.
And no i’m not going to talk to my mother about any of this. Talking to my mother is just opening up communication for to yell at me or tell me to get a job, and give her ammunition to hurt me. I learnt early on not to talk to my mother, though i suppose i want to though i shouldn’t. When i was in 8th grade i once broke down crying when she asked me if i had made any friends and i said no and she yelled at saying something like ‘why is it always this way with you’. I’ve always had problems making and keeping friends. Yeah she’s great. I think i made the mental note to shut down after that, not like we were close or anything at.
As my younger brother says my younger sister is a freak of nature. Always succeeds, always liked, never really needed any encouragement. Though she got it and my mother’s quite proud she her daughter. Like it’s a testament that she not a bad mother. It always ‘your younger sister has three jobs and was working when she was in high school’. I’m expected to do my sisters chores because she’s not home because she apparently works when majority of the time she at or sleeping at her boyfriends. I remember when i used to work part time during high school and get home late and not want to do the dishes i’d be told that if i couldn’t work and do chores at the same time i should quite my job.
My older sister also hates my mother and avoids having any interaction with despite them working for the same company. My sister is always apparently having to correct people or apologise when my mother lies, or insults someone (ie those clothes are looking a little tight). Such as her saying that she and my older sister talk all the time and are closer then they appear. Which they are not. Also having to correct people when my mother tells people about how she proud of her kids and this and that. When it’s really about appearances. She brought this up to us kids at home once when she said about a family member coming to visit ‘she better not lie to him and make me look bad like she does to people t work or otherwise she’s going to get’
Well i’m sure there’s more i could remember but i think that’s enough for now.
At some stage i think i’m going to delete this post, you never know who’ll find it as some stage.
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