AmZ
Member
My sister has decided to email our mother to let her know that she gave birth 2 months ago. Our mum didn’t even know about the pregnancy, let alone the birth.
Hello,
After some time and thought, I decided it was best that you at least knew about our second baby girl that was born on the 31st January, two months ago.
Her name is A–, which means ‘jewel’ in English. The birth was fine and A– is healthy.
S—– is now a year and nine months and is very good with her little sister.
Here are two pictures for you.
E.
I haven’t spoken to our mum for a year and nine months, exactly since my first niece was born. It’s such a shame that whenever someone asks me how long ago or when my breakdown happened, it’s the same date (give or take a week) of my niece’s day of birth. It was my decision to cut off contact with her on my side. I’d had enough of the broken promises of her saying that she’ll reply to my emails shortly, or will call me. So, I thought, if she’ll make an effort to be in touch with me, then I will reply and will just tread carefully.
I can now imagine that I will receive an email from my mum, as my sister has sent her that email and my mum will somehow be interested enough to email me and ask me how I’m doing. At least, that’s what I think will happen.
I need to plan for this and decide how I wish to reply to her. She doesn’t need to know about all of my personal details of my breakdown and what’s been going on with me. 14 months in hospital and a year and nine months in depression and anxiety and my other two diagnoses. But I think I’d want to tell her. I don’t know why. Maybe that’s me craving getting a response from her like one would normally get from a mother, a caring, kind and concerning response. But she’s so unpredictable you never know how she may react. I can imagine that she will say something like “oh darling, why didn’t you tell me!?”. And as she has done in the past, she has acted like everything is totally normal. Weird. When it is so far from being a normal relationship and situation.
Kinda makes me anxious thinking about it. But what I would fear more is speaking to her on the phone. If I get an email from her, I can process it longer and take my time to collect my thoughts and reply to her. I doubt that she’d call me up upon getting back in touch with me for the first time. She’s an email kinda lady.
I then do not know what to expect how our relationship will continue after that. I should probably just take each step at a time and not think about it because I’m just going to make myself more nervous and anxious about it. I always (am gullible and) think that somehow, we will build our relationship again. But my sister and dad say that she doesn’t have the potential to do that. Maybe it will last for a couple of months and it’ll fizzle out again and she’ll disappear.
My mum seems to have black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking. Me and my sister live abroad and for our mum, that means basically, that it’s impossible to have a relationship with us because we live in different countries. She doesn't think about Skype calls, emails, visits, etc. Our dad and his wife come here (also) from England two to three times a year. Not that we expect that from our mum, as neither we have the money to travel there, neither does she really have the money to travel here. If she’d stop smoking for a few months, she could save up some money though!
It’s a pity that things got like this between us and our mum. It all started when I just turned 16 years old and my sister was 17 years old. Our mum was ‘caught’ (enough said) with a family friend, having an affair. He had all that she has ever wanted, a cosy cottage in the countryside, a red sports car (literally), money and other material possessions.
She decided that she wanted to live with this man and first of all said that she will live nearby me and my sister so we can see her on a daily-or-two-three basis. That didn’t end up happening. She was so blind to everything that she thought that maybe even I or my sister would move with her to live with this guy. Hah. We were asked who we wanted to live with and we both chose our dad. Our mum took this as total rejection and took it that far that she thought that we didn’t want a relationship with her whatsoever.
Now, ten years later, the relationship has been gradually dwindling into nothingness. For the first few years, things with me and her were OK. I would go and stay at her and her partners cottage overnight. She’d try to buy my love with money and material things and we’d act like nothing bad ever happened. All was ‘forgiven’.
Anyway, whether I am being silly and gullible, I can imagine that this is the time she will get back in touch with me. We’ll see if that happens or not.
Hello,
After some time and thought, I decided it was best that you at least knew about our second baby girl that was born on the 31st January, two months ago.
Her name is A–, which means ‘jewel’ in English. The birth was fine and A– is healthy.
S—– is now a year and nine months and is very good with her little sister.
Here are two pictures for you.
E.
I can now imagine that I will receive an email from my mum, as my sister has sent her that email and my mum will somehow be interested enough to email me and ask me how I’m doing. At least, that’s what I think will happen.
I need to plan for this and decide how I wish to reply to her. She doesn’t need to know about all of my personal details of my breakdown and what’s been going on with me. 14 months in hospital and a year and nine months in depression and anxiety and my other two diagnoses. But I think I’d want to tell her. I don’t know why. Maybe that’s me craving getting a response from her like one would normally get from a mother, a caring, kind and concerning response. But she’s so unpredictable you never know how she may react. I can imagine that she will say something like “oh darling, why didn’t you tell me!?”. And as she has done in the past, she has acted like everything is totally normal. Weird. When it is so far from being a normal relationship and situation.
Kinda makes me anxious thinking about it. But what I would fear more is speaking to her on the phone. If I get an email from her, I can process it longer and take my time to collect my thoughts and reply to her. I doubt that she’d call me up upon getting back in touch with me for the first time. She’s an email kinda lady.
I then do not know what to expect how our relationship will continue after that. I should probably just take each step at a time and not think about it because I’m just going to make myself more nervous and anxious about it. I always (am gullible and) think that somehow, we will build our relationship again. But my sister and dad say that she doesn’t have the potential to do that. Maybe it will last for a couple of months and it’ll fizzle out again and she’ll disappear.
My mum seems to have black and white thinking, all or nothing thinking. Me and my sister live abroad and for our mum, that means basically, that it’s impossible to have a relationship with us because we live in different countries. She doesn't think about Skype calls, emails, visits, etc. Our dad and his wife come here (also) from England two to three times a year. Not that we expect that from our mum, as neither we have the money to travel there, neither does she really have the money to travel here. If she’d stop smoking for a few months, she could save up some money though!
It’s a pity that things got like this between us and our mum. It all started when I just turned 16 years old and my sister was 17 years old. Our mum was ‘caught’ (enough said) with a family friend, having an affair. He had all that she has ever wanted, a cosy cottage in the countryside, a red sports car (literally), money and other material possessions.
She decided that she wanted to live with this man and first of all said that she will live nearby me and my sister so we can see her on a daily-or-two-three basis. That didn’t end up happening. She was so blind to everything that she thought that maybe even I or my sister would move with her to live with this guy. Hah. We were asked who we wanted to live with and we both chose our dad. Our mum took this as total rejection and took it that far that she thought that we didn’t want a relationship with her whatsoever.
Now, ten years later, the relationship has been gradually dwindling into nothingness. For the first few years, things with me and her were OK. I would go and stay at her and her partners cottage overnight. She’d try to buy my love with money and material things and we’d act like nothing bad ever happened. All was ‘forgiven’.
Anyway, whether I am being silly and gullible, I can imagine that this is the time she will get back in touch with me. We’ll see if that happens or not.
