My therapist is moving and I can't cope. This is the worst pain ever!!!

[poss]

Hi all,

I am feeling absolutely devastated that my wonderful therapist of 6 years is moving away. I can't believe how painful this is. I had been taking a short break from therapy as things had been very hectic but was planning to go back next month. Now my therapist has told me she is moving early in the New Year. I am heartbroken. She has been like a mother to me and I can't cope without her in my life. I am terrified. She has offered to still support my via phone conversations or Skype which is really nice of her but I am so upset about not being able to see her. She has got me through so much and I just need her. I can't stand the thought of her being miles away. I have BPD and so am of course feeling abandonned right now even though that isn't her intention. I was very insecure a few months ago about her leaving me at some point and she told me it would be okay and to trust the process and try and go further with it. I did that and now she is leaving. She didn't plan it but it feels awful to have got even more attached and involved and now for this to happen. I don't understand how this process can be good for anyone with BPD. I love my therapist so much that I would never choose to leave her. So that means that at some point, whether it be retirement, moving, illness etc. she will leave me. And that is devastating and so traumatic, something I don't think I can ever get over. Please someone help me to understand how this can turn out well for anyone with BPD. I have tried to ask my therapist this and she has told me to put my trust in her and the process. Which I did. But she always said she couldn't promise to be there forever. It's just breaking my heart.

Poss

 

[MHealthJo]

I am so sorry this is happening!

Because I am not a sufferer of BPD I cannot empathise with the same feelings. I can hear the distress in your post though. I'm sorry!

Hopefully someone with more similar experience will post. But I can say that my thoughts are that the goal of therapy is to gradually help a person cope better and differently with these things... to heal and progress... and that is deemed to be worth undertaking? Even though the process isnt perfect and it doesnt come with a guarantee of the person always being there... When you find a wonderful and helpful therapist, if only that could be the case!

So sorry for your distress.

 

[forgetmenot]

It is good your therapist will continue to help you in the process of her leaving hun. She will help you now on skype or the phone she is not going away totally just physically
It is hard those feelings of abandonment i know it hurts hun but she is not abandoning you she is staying with you the best way she knows how . hugs to you

 

[Cat Dancer]

I think you should definitely take her up on the Skype conversations. If you feel you have a good relationship, then that could continue through Skype. I am sorry this is happening.

 

[poss]

Thanks so much everyone for your support. It really means alot that you have taken the time to write.

My therapist is going to be around for a few more weeks, then taking a month off and then around again for a few more weeks. She has asked me if I want to see her for the next few weeks so she can support me in this. But I am so scared to see her now. Scared I will have a major breakdown or completely lose it. I can't think about her without crying my eyes out and seeing her could just make the pain so much worse. She is moving two hours away. My husband says I could still go and see her once a month maybe. But I don't know. She might find that a bit much or not want me to do it. Skype would be different but I guess at least it's something. I'm just hurting so much right now. It's like something just hit me and took away all my motivation, all my energy and has just put me right back into depression and hopelessness. I can't see past it at the moment.

Poss

 

[forgetmenot]

I think you should go see her in next few weeks so she can help calm your anxiety and your pain that is what she wants to do is help you not feel so anxious hun so go see her.

 

[Banned]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, poss. Definitely a difficult situation. It sounds like you have some options - Skype and even in person visits even though she will be a bit further away.

Only you can decide what will ultimately be right for you going forward but I wish you peace in your decisions. The termination process is important regardless of the reason for the termination, so as difficult as it is you may find it to be of value over the next few weeks.

 

[poss]

Thanks ForgetMeNot and Turtle.

I am trying to pluck up the courage to go and see her. I just fear I will do nothing but cry my eyes out or that it will trigger a major episode or mood swing because it will be just too much to deal with. I know I really need to do it though. I go from thinking rationally about it to never wanting to face it or see her. Today I am really panicking because I am not 100% sure that my therapist will still be available to see me when she moves. I have assumed that since she said she would still be working. But she offered phone or Skype sessions and didn't actually say she is starting a new practice. Maybe she is just working with her current clients unti, they are finished. I am now so scared to ask her the question incase I have got it wrong and infact I may never see her again once she moves. That would be 100 times worse than it is now. I don't think I have ever been in so much pain and hurting so much...

Poss

 

[forgetmenot]

Having the answers hun is better then sitting on the what if ok So go to your therapist get all the questions out there and with her help you will get through this h ugs

 

[poss]

Hi guys,

Just thought I would post a little update. I did go and see my therapist today. I didn't do much other than cry. I had been on a short break from therapy and my therapist said she didn't think I was going to come back. I was really surprised and wondered if she had even missed me. But she said that it's a two way process and that she has become very attached to me too. She said that there have been times that she wanted to reach out to me as a mother and adopt me but that she knows she can't offer me that. That is so hard to hear. But lovely at the same time. I just wish she could adopt me . All me attachment feelings have been stirred up again now and it's hard. Sometimes today it hurt, like when she said that therapy is a finite process and that's the nature of it and it has to end at some point. I don't ever want my relationship with her to end. Never. I know it's just the truth but I hate it and don't want to hear it. The good news is that I asked if i could still come and see her when she moves and she said yes and that she will be starting a new practice. That was a HUGE relief. It means I can keep things how I want them, weekly, monthly or whatever I need.

Thanks for the support guys.

Poss

 

[Jesse910]

Hi Poss:

I hope you can take a deep breathe and relax a bit. I have been where you were though not with a female therapist but with a male therapist. He was the "good dad." Life does throw us some curve balls here and there. One aspect of therapy is learning how to cope on our own so that we can continue with our lives. My current therapist is a woman and at times, when I allow her to, she is the "mother" I did not have. At times, I hold back in therapy because I don't want to become joined at the hip with her. Yet, at times, it happens. I take the things she has to offer me which enable me to focus, grow, and live and I apply them to my daily life when I do not see her. You mention your husband who is your life partner. This would be a wonderful time for you maybe share those intimate aspects of your life with him and gain some support. Your husband can be a great benefit. As you continue to close out with this current therapist, do Skye sessions with her for as long as possible. If you are still having issues, you may ask her for a referral to see someone else. This doesn't mean that you have to. However, it's good to have someone in wings should the need arise.

Please be kind to yourself in this process and know that you are not alone. Take care.