Need some serious advice

[JainaMac]

I'm new to this forum. I felt like I needed somewhere to ask for help or advice. I have an addiction to painkillers. Oxycontin, Oxycodone, and Valium specifically. I actually think the worst part of this is that I steal them from my mother. She's not an addict, she's actually very sick and in a tremendous amount of pain so the amount of pills they give her is a lot. I don't know what to do. About six months ago I had a breakdown and told my mother that I thought I was addicted and that I had been stealing them from her. I wasn't living at home at the time and I told her this over the phone. She believed me but then I told her I went through a mild withdraw(which I did) but then I told her that it was over and that I didn't want them anymore. I also happen to be a very good liar. I told her I was fine and when I came back home I started stealing the drugs again. I'm so conflicted and disgusted with myself. I do not believe that I have progessed far enough to have a physical addiction, at least not so far that if I stopped taking them I wouldn't be able to stand it or go through major withdraw. I think I am mentally addicted. I know what the obvious solutions are to my problem...but how do I go about telling my mother all of this? Do I have to tell her? You all sound very nice and understanding on these boards...I just...could use a little advice...support...anything. I feel pretty lost.

 

[ThatLady]

I can imagine how you feel, hon. It's embarrassing to realize you're taking pain killers and anti-anxiety/muscle relaxant medication from someone you love, and who really needs them. Doing so can't make you feel very proud of yourself.

In answer to your question, if you can't stop taking your mother's medications you have to tell her the truth and get help for your problem. If you're able to stop (completely stop!) doing so, there's no need to discuss it. If you're able to make up your mind to stop doing what you're doing and succeed, it's a non-issue as I see it.

Good luck to you, luv. It wasn't easy, I'm sure, to come here and admit to what you're doing. There's a strength to hold on to in the fact that you could do so. Perhaps, you can use that strength to help you stop the behavior that's bringing you down.

 

[kelsischanging]

Hi JainaMac
I can understand some of what you are going through...I am in out patient rehab for drug/alcohol addiction...amoung other drugs I was also abusing pain killers...I know the guilt/shame/embarressment that goes along with an addiction...I can also tell you that although I know you love your mother when you are an addict a person becomes very selfish...it's all about getting that next fix... i would encourage you to get help if you need help with stopping...if you get professional help they will be able to better decide whether it is neccessary to tell your mom...also, if you feel like you do need they will be able to help you tell her...I wish you the best of luck...I understand your mental/physical feelings of needing these meds but trust me I am learning slowly that life sober 100% is not bad... not bad at all ...send me a private message if you want to talk fruther!
Kels

 

[David Baxter PhD]

One of the classic books on addictions is titled The Selfish Brain:

Dupont, Robert L.
The Selfish Brain: Learning From Addiction. American Psychiatric Press, 1997