chooseLife
Member
so, I am new and was told I should maybe come here and say something. I only talk about my diagnosis now more because I have a PTSD service dog. People ask so much about him, I'm getting used to saying out loud that I have ptsd. (while visiting my parents this fall, my mom said I should just say I have seizures. interesting huh?) My parents did not do the kind of abuse that led to ptsd but she is a survivor also so I am guessing saying it in her face is hard for her to be reminded of. maybe it's her guilt for not protecting me enough? don't know.
Ok, so I am older. 56 right now at the end of 2011. You do the math as I age I guess. (OR check my profile?) I've had a not very easy life as so many of us here probably. My psych admission history is really really nuts/long and that was BEFORE my abuse diagnosis.
I just got out of the hospital 4 days ago. I was only in 3 days and it was the first time in 14 + years I have been in of my own accord. Fortunately it was quick and not terribly traumatizing. Meds and inpt is good when you need them, but for me, the system has been painful so I don't do inpt unless I really need to admit out loud that I have lost control over my life. I do see a T once a week and feel like I would fall apart without her. I am about to restart EMDR although the first time with this person and feels like she will do it right according to what I have read. my past experiences have just led to dissociation.
btw, I do have epilepsy, Temporal lobe but have been seizure free and anti convulsant free for more than 10 years. I've been very lucky with that one. It was really hard thru my whole 30's where I couldn't drive for a few years etc. I wonder sometimes if my past "fails" with emdr was more seizure related than dissociation. they can look the same sometimes.
those of you who are on another forum might know me as BeBold. say hi if you want.
glad to be here esp now that I seem to be kind of reactivated psych-wise. I was just started on a very low dose of respiradol (1/2 mg am and 1 mg hs). I was on a high dose a couple of decades ago and I hate that I need it again, but it's helping tons so well, helping is good! my thoughts feel so much clearer and life feels way less overwhelming. I hated being put back on it because I was afraid that meant I was psychotic and didn't feel it. The inpt doc said that low doses can be good for flashbacks, visions, memories etc. and OVERWHELM. I was sooooo overwhelmed with my entire life. I felt like I couldn't breathe!
say hi if you want. I decided on chooseLife when I signed up because I was new out of the hospital and needed the affirmation. and basically, I know when I am not so much wanting to live, I am overwhelmed and need to get help. I know deep down that sui is never the answer for me. it's not my choice. it means get help. so, I chooseLife whenever I can and remind myself that's my option when it's harder. Luca my service dog, my icon, says woof.
be.
Ok, so I am older. 56 right now at the end of 2011. You do the math as I age I guess. (OR check my profile?) I've had a not very easy life as so many of us here probably. My psych admission history is really really nuts/long and that was BEFORE my abuse diagnosis.
I just got out of the hospital 4 days ago. I was only in 3 days and it was the first time in 14 + years I have been in of my own accord. Fortunately it was quick and not terribly traumatizing. Meds and inpt is good when you need them, but for me, the system has been painful so I don't do inpt unless I really need to admit out loud that I have lost control over my life. I do see a T once a week and feel like I would fall apart without her. I am about to restart EMDR although the first time with this person and feels like she will do it right according to what I have read. my past experiences have just led to dissociation.
btw, I do have epilepsy, Temporal lobe but have been seizure free and anti convulsant free for more than 10 years. I've been very lucky with that one. It was really hard thru my whole 30's where I couldn't drive for a few years etc. I wonder sometimes if my past "fails" with emdr was more seizure related than dissociation. they can look the same sometimes.
those of you who are on another forum might know me as BeBold. say hi if you want.
glad to be here esp now that I seem to be kind of reactivated psych-wise. I was just started on a very low dose of respiradol (1/2 mg am and 1 mg hs). I was on a high dose a couple of decades ago and I hate that I need it again, but it's helping tons so well, helping is good! my thoughts feel so much clearer and life feels way less overwhelming. I hated being put back on it because I was afraid that meant I was psychotic and didn't feel it. The inpt doc said that low doses can be good for flashbacks, visions, memories etc. and OVERWHELM. I was sooooo overwhelmed with my entire life. I felt like I couldn't breathe!
say hi if you want. I decided on chooseLife when I signed up because I was new out of the hospital and needed the affirmation. and basically, I know when I am not so much wanting to live, I am overwhelmed and need to get help. I know deep down that sui is never the answer for me. it's not my choice. it means get help. so, I chooseLife whenever I can and remind myself that's my option when it's harder. Luca my service dog, my icon, says woof.
be.
