New to therapy

[ecshoho]

I am relatively new to therapy (have been going for about 7 months now). I have noticed since I started therapy that some things have happened and I am not sure if these are normal or how to handle them. To start, I started therapy in crisis mode. I sought therapy following a loss in my life. Now though, I am finding so many other things to talk about. I suffer with anxiety, OCD and I am a people pleaser. Here is what has happened over the last couple of months (and I appreciate any guidance/advice I can get).

1. I find myself worrying about my T's feelings and I am catching myself trying to be her most perfect client. In my session yesterday I made a comment that I now worry may have hurt her feelings. I feel as though I should email her and apologize or something. I have tried to bring it up with her that I am thinking of her more like a rent a friend or something, but she didn't seem to worried about it. I am catching myself doing extra homework outside of sessions to try and impress or please her in some way. I am doing everything she asks and then some to be better than her other clients or something. This leads to concern number two.

2. I can't stop thinking about my therapy. My sessions have been intense, yet when I go home I journal, re-evaluate what was said. I find myself questioning what I said, thinking I should have said something differently or wishing I hadn't brought something up at all. I have my nose buried in journals and websites trying to find ways to help myself, like I need to fix myself faster or something. It is exhausting.

Has anyone else gone through anything like this?

Thanks

 

[Into The Light]

ecshoho, i think these are good subjects to bring up with your therapist. i think to a degree it is normal to want to learn everything you can about helping yourself when you are in therapy, i certainly have experienced that. for me it was a coping mechanism. it sounds though that for you it's beyond just coping, it's about being the perfect client and pleasing your therapist. that is something that would be valuable to explore with her, to see what the roots of that are, and how you can change this people pleasing tendency. i am a people pleaser too so i know how it can really get in the way of getting your own needs met when interacting with others. anyway those are my initial thoughts on your post... it sounds like it's completely taking over your thoughts and that of course gets in the way of living your life.

 

[ecshoho]

ITL, thanks for the reply. I agree, it is getting in the way and quite frankly I don't know how much longer I can keep up this pace.

 

[boi]

hi ecshoho
i agree with ITL. They are good topics to bring up. I have been going to a new therapist for a few months and I also worried about that as well. For me, I am getting used to not censoring myself which comes over time and trust. I worried as well whether I offended my T at one point but then I thought well, she must me healthier than me so she can really handle it. I am not saying she is immune but has the skills or should have to skills to deal with stuff like that. Also, I clarify the next session that I didn't mean to mean it like this that etc...and also my T doesnt seem to bothered about it at all.

 

[Daniel E.]

I have my nose buried in journals and websites trying to find ways to help myself, like I need to fix myself faster or something. It is exhausting.

Maybe your therapist could recommend a book for you. For OCD, a typical recommendation is the book Brain Lock.

Has anyone else gone through anything like this?

Yes. Though I have OCD, too, other people without OCD can have similar issues with therapy, not to mention the correlation between mood disorders and rumination.

On the positive side, as others have suggested, bringing this issue up in therapy can be another way of addressing one's tendency to obsess or feel overly responsible for the welfare of others.

For example:

Treating obsessing about obsessing or neutral obsession is not a matter of getting rid of the thoughts or images. It is getting to the point where you don’t care whether or not they are present...

The ultimate goal of treatment is to be able to enjoy the present for what it is...

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/obsessiv...lest-obsession-obsessing-about-obsessing.html

Some people report that they have difficulty distinguishing between spikes and "legitimate important thoughts." A fool proof litmus test for telling the difference is to ask yourself did the thought or question come with an associated anxiety or feeling of guilt. Ultimately all such thoughts can be placed in the realm of OCD. When asked "What if it's not OCD," I say "Take the risk and live with the uncertainty."

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-ocd/16992-ocd-thinking-the-unthinkable.html

Holding this belief when faced with adversity tends to contribute to feelings of anxiety, panic, depression, despair, and worthlessness:

"I absolutely MUST, under practically all conditions and at all times, perform well (or outstandingly well) and win the approval (or complete love) of significant others. If I fail in these important—and sacred—respects, that is awful and I am a bad, incompetent, unworthy person, who will probably always fail and deserves to suffer."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy