No memory

[forgetmenot]

I have been trying to remember more of my past. In doing so i have been trying to remember someone anyone that i would have looked up to. I think the only ones were my mother because she kept all of us even though it was hell for her. My aunt who took us all in when no one else would, but i don't remember too much just how they both struggled with so much sadness and pain yet survived.

I don't remember having any heros or other people I wish there wasn't so much sadness in my past but in a way they taught me hardship unhappiness it is a part of life just deal with it.

 

[Murray]

Hi Violet,
You sound so sad tonight, I am sorry. I wish that I knew what to say.

It sounds like your mom and aunt were strong women who had more than their share of burdens and were survivors. There seem to be some people who are dealt an inordinate amount of adversity in their lives and yet somehow they manage to keep going. I think that there are times when just getting out of bed in the morning is a heroic act.

You are right unfortunately, that hardship and unhappiness are part of life, but hopefully sometimes there are periods of happiness and contentment as well. I am truly sorry that so much of your past was full of sadness and suffering, hopefully you will experience much more joy and happiness in the future.

 

[forgetmenot]

I did not mean to sound so sad Murray i am okay really. I am just trying to remember more thats all.
I saw strength in them both amongst all the pain and anger. My aunt was my mothers rock she helped her to survive. I think i was being too hard on both of them as although there was turmoil they had alot to deal with. Their anger and pain was there for a reason but they tried at least, There were times when they tried to bring happiness like picnics at the beach i remember those times were happy. My anger inside me did not help matters I wish i could have helped more.

 

[Pheonix]

Hi Violet. I can understand not having real life role models in your early life. I had no influencing relatives nearby, only an abandoning mother, a neglecting cold step mother and a violent abusive father. As a little girl, when most of my friends were drooling over pop stars I had infatuations and crushes and hero worshiped characters on the TV. Ones who were kind, protective or just 'not crazy', like the caring Hawkeye from MASH, powerful yet gentle Kung Fu and the logical Mr Spock. Characters who had traits I longed for in the grown ups in my life but didn't find. Thank God for the power of social icons. If it were not for that I would of give up hope such things existed in the world and I might of faired a lot worse.

 

[forgetmenot]

Yeh it is hard because you think kids are suppose to have some kind role model right. I don't remember any im trying too funny how things bother me like this. TV characters i guess would instill some normality on how things were to be like but then i would question that as i knew these role models weren't real. Reality was what existed around me and i guess i have wiped that out now most of it, In the end i guess i turned out like my aunt mother in a way as they were the people who raised me.

 

[Murray]

Isn't it frustrating how so much can be wiped out from your memory? I agree that positive role models are so essential for kids. Did you maybe have any teachers or anyone like that, that you looked up to?

I was lucky enough to have a very kind babysitter who treated me very well almost like I was her grandchild. She showed me a great deal of kindness and provided a lot of stability.

Pheonix, I have to say that I really admired those same tv characters growing up. Of course, I also liked the dad on Little House on the Prairie.

 

[Pheonix]

I would of liked "little house on the prairie" Dad but anything Dad'ish or father'ish gave me the creeps, too close to home to be trustworthy or even believable, I might of been religious except for the fact I couldnt get past the "our father that art in heaven" line, all I could think of was "oh no, I hope not!" if you know what I mean.
Violet, the TV characters were real. They were real as TV characters. I mean in a way that many of these characters have been portrayed from books or historical accounts about real people whose traits and actions were held in high regard, Mr Spock excluded, he was not real of course. Not that it mattered to me as a kid, but looking back my hero worship of TV characters was justified. I still do this today, but its more admiration than infatuation. We are never to old to fall in love with heroes on TV or film.