Normal Memory?

[darkly_divided_dork]

Hi all!

So I'm new here and have been reading around but can't really nail the answer to the question I've had for a really long time.

I always thought I was just really stupid, slow or had a horrible memory. But when the idea that I have DID came up... it just makes so much sense on so many different levels. After being in denial about it for awhile (and still am to some degree), I've really been thinking about my past, and memories.

I'm confused about what might be normal memory. This is sort of how I've been thinking of types of memory (super simple example here):

1. I forget something like a homework assignment and as soon as something/someone reminds me, my reaction is, "Oh yeah, that's right! It must have slipped my mind."

vs

2. I forget a homework assignment and something/someone reminds me about it and my reaction is "WTF, I don't remember -anything- to do about this assignment," while there is no evidence saying, for example, I was absent that day so I wasn't told.

vs

3. Same situation as above with the homework, same reaction but then it's followed up by a slow sort of catching-up on the details, "Oh yeeeah... I kinda remember that... yeah... this and that... and that. Oookay. Rings a bell."

If someone I know mentions an event or person from 2003ish to earlier (I'm 29) there is a lot of #2 and a little #3. There's large chunks... months at a time, that I can't really pin down. I remember a few little things there and there. I remember some abuse. I remember doing horribly in school. I used to find stuff I wrote in those years, or drew, that I didn't remember doing but it was in my handwriting (or, one of my handwriting). But that's mostly it.

My ex often tells me of things that I don't remember saying/doing. I was with him when I was in my early 20s and I can't recall much that those years. That feels mostly #2 to me. The other day he said that right before I left him I was a different person and I was learning programming (C and Perl). I'm adamant that I went nowhere near programming because I didn't think I was smart enough but he swears I was proficient with Perl and learning rudimentary programs in C.

So assuming my ex is not lying and he has his information correct, would those times have been spent as someone else (in me) being out? Or is it completely normal to have big blank periods of time in one's past, or to what degree would it be normal?

I keep thinking about the possibility that I was "someone else" and that brings me to more thinking and more topics but I better stop my rambling now that I'm ahead.

Any thoughts, articles on normal memory would be very much appreciated!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

There are many, many reasons for the sorts of "lapses" you describe, including simple ones like stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation, ADHD, etc. Often, it's not really a memory problem at all, really, but rather an attention problem or a problem of focus. If you are distracted when something is going on, a conversation for example, you're not fully focused on what you are hearing or seeing so only part of the information gets into immediate memory - and thus it can not be accurately encoded into longer term memory later on. If it never gets into memory, or if it only partially gets encoded into memory, then retrieval will obviously be difficult or impossible.

There are several other factors involved in memory lapses. The likelihood that whay you describe has anything to do with dissociation is quite small.

 

[darkly_divided_dork]

Very interesting. That certainly can apply in some cases. That makes sense. Especially when it comes to the simple things like forgetting to do a homework assignment.

But what about learning a programming language? That takes time and skill. I can see forgetting -how- to do it and forgetting all the nuances, yes. But I certainly don't see how I could forget that I ever -did- it. If I had a skill level enough to write programs, I would have been proud of that. That is no easy task. That would have been a useful skill. If I had kept at it, my life would be different today. I could have gotten a job. I'm in school -now- for programming now so I can get a job. I'm teaching myself Java from a book and forgetting everything almost as soon as I do it and I chaulk that up to horrible attention span. But how could I have possibly have forgotten about something that would have taken months to learn to do? I can't call that normal memory loss or anything do to stress or insomnia. I don't know much about attention problems but really, ADHD could make me completely forget about something that monumental?

To me, forgetting that I learned how to program in C (and then forgetting how to DO it, apparently) would be kind of like... I don't know. I can't even think of a comparison. I was going to say it would be like forgetting that I learned to tie my shoes and then later on forgetting how to do it but that isn't quite right.

Our brains... very awesome things, aren't they?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Well, there is of course the maxim of "use it or lose it". People do forget things. Relearning is usually faster than learning the first time, though.

And there are some things, like statistics and programming languages, that I don't think one ever really learns ubntil you have a need to apply it. If you don't apply it, I think it is forgotten mo0re quickly.

I have taught myself several programming languages over the years but always because I needed to do something with it. Even at that, when months or years go by without using it, I find that I've forgotten a lot if not most of it. I first learned Fortran on a mainframe, years ago, and after that taught myself Algol, Pascal, Compiler Basic, Visual Basic, some Assembler, and some C++ and Visual C, as well as dBase programming. But I haven't used any of those in quite a while - some of those languages don't even exist any more - and I'd be hardpressed to do anything with any of them without going back to the books and relearning a whole lot.