Nothing's ever simple, is it?

[Charity]

If you remember from a while back, I had finally made up my mind to continue with the therapist I'd started seeing, despite my uncertainties... Well, since making that decision, I haven't laid eyes on the guy! Normally, due to our unique arrangement, I knew only to expect a phone call sometime during the day on Fridays. He would call me up to his office when he could fit me in, and I'd have to drop what I was doing and go up for an hour. I was never exactly thrilled with the setup, but I sort of need to take what I can get-- major financial and geographical limitations. But no, after I had talked about it with him, and with you guys, and decided to go ahead and stick it out for a while longer to see how things went, I've never heard back from him. It's been three Fridays now. The first Friday, I waited and waited, and he didn't call. I finally went upstairs to see if I could find him and ask if he could give me at least a general estimate of what time he'd be calling, and it turned out that he was never in the building at all that day. The second Friday, I waited and waited again, and finally gave up and went home for lunch. When I returned to work, I had a typical voicemail from him-- "Hello, this is Dr. K., I'm upstairs." I tried to call that extension back and got no answer, so once again I went searching for him... and he'd already left the building. The third Friday-- a repeat of the first. Not a peep-- he never even came in that day.

Because of all this, I'm pretty sure I don't want anything more to do with this guy, if for no other reason than that it stresses me out not knowing what the hell to expect. People like us have enough to worry about, don't you think, without being left in the dark by the therapist that's supposed to be helping? I still really do want there to be someone I can talk to about things, but I don't know if I'll be able to find someone else who's both close enough for me to physically get to AND that I can afford. I'm thinking that even if I can't find anyone else right now, I want to be finished with Dr. K.

I want to know what you guys think, though!! Am I being stubborn and just insisting on having things my way? Or is it really as I suspect, that I was being treated a bit discourteously? I don't want to jump the gun, as I know that he did have to go to a bit of extra trouble initially to get things set up with my insurance and everything... I don't know what to think. Am I getting jerked around, or am I being overly judgmental?

Advice please!?!?!?!? I'm just little me, surrounded by hordes of sane people, and it's so hard for me to know sometimes if I'm thinking correctly or not!!!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't think it's just you or that you're overreacting, Charity. I'm not sure how this arrangement came to be made but I think most people would find it unsatisfactory. You can't count on an appointment for any given Friday and yet you aren't free to make any other plans either.

If it's a financial agreement where he fits you in when he has an opening on a Friday, surely he must know some time in advance whether that's going to be the case. If it can be arranged that he will let you know even the night before or first thing in the morning whether he has an opening that day, it might be worth trying to continue and see how it works. Otherwise, it seems to me that this is simply one more source of stress... find another therapist.

 

[white page]

Hi Charity ,

I felt growing anger as I read of the lack respect with which Dr. K treated you recently , okay giving him the benefit of the doubt first , he's been busy ,
but in that case he should have left a polite message saying that he was unavailable for a couple of weeks , he calls you for a session , and then leaves the building for an 'emergency maybe' leaving you high and dry , okay that happens , but again a little message apologizing would have been in order .

Or is it really as I suspect, that I was being treated a bit discourteously?

Follow your gut feeling Charity , this arrangement is causing you distress and is having a negative effect on you .
If possible try to find another therapist with whom there can be a clearer and more professional relationship and treatment .

Yes you are right to feel that there has been a lack of respect and courtesy.

I don't know what other members might think , but I have an urge to call him some rude names , and this doesn't happen to me often .

big hugs WP

 

[Charity]

Thanks for your responses, guys. I've been getting increasingly irritated with the situation, but I tend to get irritated with an awful lot of things!

I'm pretty certain that I don't want to continue this any longer. Even if it were to turn out that he's the best therapist ever, it doesn't seem worth it to me if he's going to be so unpredictable. I'm going to start looking around to see if I can find anything else around here. If nothing else, I need that little time slot to look forward to where I can say the things that I can't say out loud anywhere else. My husband is great, but he's only one man and can only take so much! I can't keep laying it all on him, expecially since he's still coming to terms with his own recent diagnosis of depression.

I just want there to be some sense of structure, as there should be with any medical professional. I want to set an appointment for a certain day at a certain time, and know that that's when I'm to go. But as I said, I think I'm going to cut it off with Dr. K., whether I find someone else or not. I just don't like the way he makes me feel unimportant enough to be carelessly shuffled aside.

:cat3: My kitties are better for me than he is!

 

[white page]

hi again Charity ,

I just want there to be some sense of structure, as there should be with any medical professional. I want to set an appointment for a certain day at a certain time, and know that that's when I'm to go. But as I said, I think I'm going to cut it off with Dr. K., whether I find someone else or not. I just don't like the way he makes me feel unimportant enough to be carelessly shuffled aside.

this is being kind to yourself and I'm glad that our posts helped you to define what you want and need .:hug::flowers:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You may be right:

Cats Protection: Owning a Cat Helps Beat the Winter Blues - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

 

[Charity]

I know it's true. Cats have brought more comfort into my life than I could ever repay... though I do try my best with treats and petting and all.

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Charity,

I've never heard of such an arrangement. I agree with what Dr. Baxter and WP have already told you. That kind of arrangement, for me, would be another stressor and I would not be a happy camper - not to mention that with my work, it would not be feasible, at all. Instinctively, when I read your post, I felt he was being extremely discourteous...

As they've suggested, any way to get him to commit to giving you at least some warning or even a fixed time? If he can do this then great. If he can't it may be time to find someone else if you can (I get that finances and geography may be limiting...)

Let us know how it goes Charity. :crossfingers: (for you)

 

[NicNak]

Hi Charity.

I don't think you are over reacting either.

My Psychiatrist took me on, even though he is extremely busy, cause I had an open schedule for him. I have never been hung out to dry by him, even with his schedule.

He books my next appointment at the end of my regular appointment and we go from there.

I personally would be stressed out in your situation as well. With everything else going on and having this added distress isn't good in my opinion.

I hope you can find another therapist. It is important we have health professionals who are reliable.

Ofcouse there are situations where the doctor goes on holidays, has a home emergency etc, where that is understandable, for sure, but your reaching out to your therapist and he doesn't seem to be meeting you half way.

I found this link for a Mental Health America of Illinois. I found a page for their information and resources.

Welcome to Mental Health America of Illinois (MHAI)


I hope it is helpful. Maybe if you give them a call, they might be able to find you a therapist in your area.

 

[amastie]

...:cat3: My kitties are better for me than he is!

Sound very true. I agree with WP, go with your gut. Above all, keep close to you the feeling that you *deserve" to be treated with more respect than he showing you.

Sending strenght to you :support:

 

[Charity]

Thanks to all of you for your replies :thankyou2:

I hate the fact that this has turned out like this, just when I finally decided to try any sort of talk therapy for the first time. I don't know how much luck I'm going to have finding someone else who a) is close enough for me to get to in my decrepit old vehicle, b) accepts my insurance plan so I can afford to go, and c) is someone I can feel comfortable talking to... I don't know. Don't know, don't know. Seems to be my story.
I'll let you guys know what happens, regardless.

 

[Jazzey]

:hug: (kind've in that place myself Charity - I know it isn't much of a consolation but, I really do understand...)

 

[amastie]

Thanks to all of you for your replies :thankyou2:

I hate the fact that this has turned out like this, just when I finally decided to try any sort of talk therapy for the first time. I don't know how much luck I'm going to have finding someone else who a) is close enough for me to get to in my decrepit old vehicle, b) accepts my insurance plan so I can afford to go, and c) is someone I can feel comfortable talking to... I don't know. Don't know, don't know. Seems to be my story.
I'll let you guys know what happens, regardless.

Seems to me, Charity, that the first step in knowing anything, and feeling in charge of your own life, is to tell *him* what you are willing to do. You can reach that by mutual agreement, but by not letting him know that you're not willing to be disregarded as you have been, you open the door to settle things with him one way or the other. If he's any kind of therapist, he will be willing to recognize his shortcomings and be prepared to structure a time that is constant and considerate of you.

Or, if as you say, it doesn't matter what he would say now, cut your losses and move on. Make the necessary research to find someone who can offer what you need - however long that takes.

To do either - require a commitment by him, or commit to finding a new therapist, as hard as that will be for you - is to take charge of your life back into your own hands.

:hug: :support:

Strength to you

 

[Charity]

Funny you should say that... I've been turning the situation over in my head, and the thought kept popping up that maybe I ought to talk to him about this, and see what he has to say, and if he'd be wiling to try going about things differently. I didn't even consider that an option initially, because I was mad at him for acting as he did. But hey, what do I have to lose by talking, right? I admit that part of my softening-up has to do with convenience, because it was awfully handy to have him right here in the same building where I work... I just have to find the line between being totally firm and being a doormat, and I generally have a hard time finding that middle ground.

I still won't even consider going on with him if it would be done the same as before. I really do refuse to be left in the dark, waiting for a call. Maybe, though, if I could get him to agree to a better arrangement....

He may or may not be here on Friday... grrr. If he is, I might try to corner him for a serious talk on the subject. I wouldn't be softening up on this at all, but I'm realizing that I kind of do need someone to talk to about things. I don't have anyone in real life except my husband (lots of acquaintances but no real friends, know what I mean?) and I already feel sorry about what I put the poor guy through. He's so patient with me most of the time-- I don't want to put more on him than I have to.

It'll probably depend on whether or not the doc shows up on Friday. If he does, I'll try to talk to him-- and if he doesn't, it may be the last straw and make me so ticked off at him that I won't want to bother! :bonk:

 

[white page]

But hey, what do I have to lose by talking, right? I admit that part of my softening-up has to do with convenience, because it was awfully handy to have him right here in the same building where I work... I just have to find the line between being totally firm and being a doormat, and I generally have a hard time finding that middle ground.

hi Charity ,
It is important what you write here , the middle ground is a difficult place to find at times . Without making too many uncomfortable concessions .

A way of helping your self to find it , is to write lists of pros. and cons.
what you need , and what you are getting .
What makes you feel comfortable and resourced , what makes you uncomfortable and drained .
take care and I do hope Dr K will be there on friday so that you can discuss the situation .:hug:

 

[amastie]

Whenever the last straw comes, be ready to speak up for yourself either way :support:
And be keep coming back here, we can help to hold you up so you reach taller than him

 

[Charity]

Hee hee... even in real life I'm about a foot taller than him! He's a short little roly-poly.