More threads by Sinate


Hi there!

My name is William, I am 18 years old.

I had OCD as a child but didnt realize it, and always looked back wondering why i "tortured" myself with thoughts...

The condition seemed to have left me for a very long time.

I never touched any substances untill my lastfew months of highschool...I started smoking weed alot for a few months, and just occasionaly drank.

I then also tried a good amount of ecstacy one night, while high and drunk...

That night was life changing, in that it made me realize I was going down the exact wrong path for my life and needed to get it back on track. So I cleaned up and confessed to my parents etc.

Right after I quit everything, tried the E, my OCD made its way back! I didnt realize why, it could be a combination of things-

Missing Highschool
Starting real life + a job
Girlfriend issues


But I believe alot of it can be from the E. Ecstacy is said to lower seratonin levels, causing depression for a week or so after and even in some cases chronically for years.

Im guessing now that this is what caused my OCD to spark back up, as I felt depressed for no reason for a week or two, and I have read OCD is directly related to low seratonin levels.

SO! moving on so you donthave to read a wall of text!

I went through a few weeks figuring out what was going on, put my finger on it, worked through a vAST Array of obssesions and fears and got to where I am now.

Ive made leaps and bounds but something that still bothers me is I feel....different...

I feel like im ALWAYS talking to myself in my head, reasoning with myself, focusing on myself which keeps me from giving 100% true genuine attention to other people. It makes me feel sometimes like im loosing a genuine relationship with my parents or something...

Is this common from OCD? Or can this be a different disorder?

I also get so deep into some thoughts or feelings sometimes, i get a shocked scared feeling all over, and thentend to forget what I was even thinking about....Its weird.

Like one time watching TV, i saw a tool that was a perfect circle. I immediately thought "how did a human ever make a perfect circle" etc and i started going somewhere with it in my mind that scared me....These things are strange to me....I dont know if they are related to OCD or not?
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