Ok, so... I think I'm a little dumb.

[Losttommy]

Back in November, I posted that I had ended my 6.5 year relationship with my partner. However, this did not last long.

We, sort-of, stayed together. Albeit, not very well.

Since then, I have become a mess. Happy and smiling one day. Depressed, angry, and crying the next.

K, or his name let's say, decided to not end that relationship, either. Together, they managed to ruin some of the best days out of the year for me.

Thanksgiving, I spent alone. At home. Watching telelvision, and eating turkey.

Christmas. I spent alone. At home. Watching television. K and his 'pal,' for lack of a better, meaner, more obscene descriptive, spent the holiday with K's family. All happy and opening presents. I found out about this the day after. I asked why, and never got a reasonable response.

New Year's Eve and Day... eh... I don't really care.

My birthday. January 7th. I went to work in the morning and took half of the day off. My little present to myself, considering that I had worked 70 or 80 hours the week before. K made me feel special. He made me dinner, spent time with me, cuddled with me. However, while he was in the other room, he was having a 15 minute phone conversation with his pal. Later that day, K had to go to work for some reason. His pal, decided to call me, to ask why K had deleted his name out of K's phone. My response was 'how the hell should I know?' After this, I figured out that K went down to the bar (where he works) to see his pal. Well, isn't that a kick in the pants?

Every day that passes, they see each other. They go to dinner together, hang out together, and, I think, sleep together. I can't be for certain that they are, but, if you could have YOUR cake and eat it too?

K's pal, has told me, on a few occasions, that while K is supposed to be at work, that they are doing things. Dinner, movies, kissing, making out, sex. All of the things that people do in a relationship.

I have been told to back-off, not be so depressed, leave me alone, I'm busy. All from K. I have tried to leave, tried to make it work, and tried my best to not be a psychotic, leash-holding, suspicious, over-analyzing, overly-defensive, overly-loving, overly-hating, jealous person. But, the lies, at least what i think are lies, are constant. I feel ignored a lot of the time. I feel left-out.

I am in love with K. Very, very much.

However. When do you get to the point of; enough is enough? When does it happen that you realize you are, or aren't, making the biggest mistake of your life?

Does someone have to continue on in a relationship that needs work, doesnt want to leave altogether, hopes that things get better, and wants to trust his partner, but knows that something else in going on behind his back?

Am I dumb?

 

[Jazzey]

Definitely not dumb LT. It's nice to see you again.

I'm sorry you're going through this. The last time you posted about this relationship, you were going to try life on your own for a while...I can't tell you whether K is cheating on you or not. What I can tell you, from my own experience, is that our instincts on infidelity are seldom wrong...I wish they were. In fact, I stayed with someone that I loved very much for 3 additional months before conceding that it was doing me more harm than good.

You deserve to be with someone who loves only you LT. The sneaking into the next room to call the other guy - I know that. Except I was neurotic enough to follow and be told "do you mind, it's private". When I caught myself doing behaviours that I knew weren't part of my normal repertoire - that's when I decided it was time to leave...

Having said all of this LT - you're the only one that can make this decision. The decision really has to be yours. I will say this for you though - should you decide to really leave this time: I've never regretted my decision to leave. That person has always kept a little piece of my heart but with my own recognition that he was never mine to begin with since he was shared...You deserve better.

Hope this makes sense. :hug: :hug:

 

[Fiver]

K, or his name let's say, decided to not end that relationship, either. Together, they managed to ruin some of the best days out of the year for me.

LT, I think this statement is only partially true; they didn't make those days happy for you, but you're allowing them to make you miserable. From what you've written, it seems unlikely that the situation is going to change the way you'd like it to. Like Jazzey said, you have to make some decisions here. You have a choice in whether you want to be miserable, and you can choose to accept that it's over. Accept it, grieve the loss of your relationship, and move on to new relationships that make you feel happy and respected.

You aren't dumb. You're heartbroken. It's hard to let go when you still love someone after his (or her) feelings stop being reciprocated. You need to decide what you're willing to live with or without, and if your sacrifices are worth the return. Very few of us have never been in such a gut-wrenching spot and yeah, it sucks. The good news is that if you decide you deserve more than this and cut the ties that are breaking your heart, the pain will not last forever.

Honest, it really won't.