OMG!

[Lonewolf]

I am not doing so good with this whole near year thing!! In fact I am positively petrified about it!! If it was up to me I wouldn't be here!! Unfortunately someone somewhere has decided I have to stay here and face everything alone, again!! Christmas just reinforced all my fears. Went to my parents house for a week over Christmas and I got back to my home on Monday and I am struggling so badly with urges to ODing and self-harm!! I had to suppress so many conflicting thoughts and feelings, I don't know my bum from my elbow at the moment!! I can't think straight!! If someone asks me anything that needs any thought or knowledge, I just don't have the ability to retrieve the information from my brain!! Its all jumbled up!! It's not there!! I am trying so hard to explain things here, but as I said my brain is mushed!! Everything is flashing through so vividly!! The future feels like an ocean and I am stuck in the middle of it!! Can't see anything but water! Nothing out there, just water!!

 

[Retired]

Re: OMG!!!

Went to my parents house for a week over Christmas and I got back to my home on Monday and I am struggling so badly with urges to ODing and self-harm!!

It seems to me that if visiting your parents' house causes you stress and distress then you ought not go to your parents' house until you are in better control of your reactions to whatever goes on there.

One of the advantages of being a human being is that we can modify our behavior and modify our circumstances to affect outcomes in the future.

When you know that a particular place, person or situation causes you distress, and you continue seeing that person, going to that place or being in that situation, you are setting yourself up for repeating the distress you had before.

As rational people we can change the future every new minute of the day, every new day, every new month and, yes, every new year....the way I see it and I stand to be corrected, but it's not New Years 2015 that is distressing you but rather your fear or reluctance to change your circumstances.

I said it before, and will say it again to you, Lonewolf, because it is something I firmly believe and is the philosophy by which I manage my own life:

You are the author of your life, and you can write the story about how you would like it to be. Even though it may not turn out exactly the way you thought, and it rarely does, the choices you make along the way to modify your plan continue to be part of the story only you can author.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: OMG!!!

I am sorry Lonewolf you are struggling so much with New Year and the whole holiday thing.
I understand as i too am struggling greatly to keep my head above water it hurts i know

I am glad you are able to reach out here and talk to us
I do hope that now you are at home you can feel more safe and not so triggered.

Yes we can write our own story and there will be hills and valleys but as long as you continue to reach out when you are struggling that shows strength.
I do wish the New Year brings you some peace and support you need to become more stable

Take care of YOU ok Lonewolf first most take care of YOU

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: OMG!!!

Are you guys serious? Don't you ever see people/places/events that you have done your best to avoid, but you still end up there again? I would love to know your secrets of how some you live so positively so much of the time? Please share it with me? I would love to be able to be in control of the future like you guys!! Maybe memory loss would be a cure? I am considering the benefits of that!! I have been told by several professionals in my life, that your experiences as a child moulds your life as an adult!! If this is rubbish why have I been told that I need to deal with the past to move on in the future? I am obviously feeling angry and frustrated and I don't mean to offend anyone, but I don't believe these things are realistic. Do you guys live in a big 'love bubble'?

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: OMG!!!

OMG no i do not live in a love bubble and i do not live so positively i live in confusion and sadness and pain but i do know that it is up to me to change that somehow. I know now that no one can help me but me and that being said it is up to me to find the supports i need to change like therapy or meds or both but you have to make those things happen Lonewolf ok. Even with those things the past does not always stay there it keeps coming back in waves of pain and confusion and sadness but i have been given some skills to deal with it as best i can

i do understand you i do because in the beginning i too wanted someone to save me i wanted someone else to do the work for me. I do not know if i am making any sense as i too have times when my mind feels like mush
but if you can keep fighting for the supports you need then that is a positive step. A therapist will help you then change for the better It does not happen over night ok i have been fighting for years now Lonewolf but small steps are happening and i can see now i have changed from where i was

I still need to do things to help myself i know and it will be hard to do it but in time i hope i have courage to do them

WE are the only ones that can control what happens to us now ok no one else can do that but with guidance and care i do hope you too will find a more clear path with less sadness and less pain. I don't know if one can truly heal from all that has been done but at least we can make a better way for ourselves

 

[Retired]

Re: OMG!!!

Are you guys serious? Don't you ever see people/places/events that you have done your best to avoid, but you still end up there again?

Oh yes, quite serious.

Perhaps your comment might offer a glimpse into where you need to focus your attention, and seek therapy to help deal with this critical issue.

Could it be that you need to improve your decision making skills in order to make safer choices for yourself?

Could it be you need to learn to be more assertive when confronted by situations, places or situations you know cause you distress?

These are skills we are not born with, and if there were inadequate role models to teach us, we need to learn them as adults. I needed to learn some of these lessons myself as an adult, and the results were remarkable.

This is where a therapist can help, by exploring your issues and your needs in order to teach you the life strategies you need to improve your quality of life.

I have been told by several professionals in my life, that your experiences as a child moulds your life as an adult!!

Childhood experiences may contribute to issues we have as adults, but luckily, being the intelligent humans that we are, we can modify the way we think and feel, and learn ways to deal with those issues or lessen the impact these issues have on us.

Your mental state is not cast in stone..with the help of a competent therapist you can learn to modify how you think and feel about those issues, and manage your life in a more positive way.

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: OMG!!!

Lol, I have been waiting for several things to Come to fruition!! You may remember I asked for support from the R*** crisis and I am still waiting 18 months later!! I asked for support from the mental health team and yet nothing!! I even reached out to the GP that I am frightened of and all she can do is keep referring me back to the mental health team!! I pluck up the courage to reach out for help and I just end up more twisted up and frightened!! None of anything is worth much!! I have broken my heart trying and trying to get help, but to no avail!! Nobody seems to care, nobody seems the slightest bit interested!! I was told by a professional once that if someone dies naturally or not, it is seen as a tick in the box for that service, a positive thing!! No one seems to care about how desperate you are or do get because if you do succeed in an attempt, that's just one less for them to have bother them!! No one really gives a flying 'F'!! I could not control being raped!! I was an adult then!! I didn't make him do it? Maybe I asked for it? I have no control over my sexuality! Maybe I should try to switch that off too? Having memories! That's in my control.. really?

---------- Post Merged at 04:56 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 04:44 PM ----------

I apologize! It's nothing to do with you guys!! I just thought someone might actually understand!!

 

[Mari]

Re: OMG!!!

Dear Lonewolf, it has everything to do with us and with you. Each member here has their own story but they are here because they want to be here, to help themselves and to help others. Eighteen months is much too long to wait for help. I would suggest that first thing in the new year you make an appointment with your doctor and express what you have expressed here to us. There is help available and you need to make it clear that you need that help ASAP!

 

[MHealthJo]

Re: OMG!!!

I have found a list of contacts to use in your country LW, with possibilities of who could lead you to getting into treatment (although, there is a great deal of written therapeutic information available too, to help us learn skills to change our lives. Therapists simply listen and teach us new skills in person, and between groups and online support and information and books, those functions still can exist for us if we are stuck outside of specialised treatment for now....)

The site this is on also has a great deal of information about advocacy to move us forward in receiving services...

Useful contacts | Mind, the mental health charity - help for mental health problems

 

[GDPR]

Re: OMG!!!

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time Lonewolf.But I don't really think sympathy is what you need.I don't mean to sound harsh or rude or mean or anything,but you KNOW how you're going to be feeling after you have been around your family,yet you keep getting around them,time and time again and keep going in circles.Why do you keep doing that to yourself?Do you think that magically one day things are going to change?They won't,not until YOU make changes.

I know doing things differently is hard,change is hard,but it's what you need to do in order to stop feeling the way you do.There's a saying, "we change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing".I guess when you decide that staying the same is more painful,you will make the needed changes.

Don't you ever see people/places/events that you have done your best to avoid, but you still end up there again?

Yes,we all do.But you are 'choosing' to get around your family,it's not like you are running into them by accident.You are purposely putting yourself in that situation.YOU stayed with your parents for a week.I know you have said you feel obligated,but really,you don't have to go,you have the option of choosing not to,regardless of how it makes you feel.

I have been told by several professionals in my life, that your experiences as a child moulds your life as an adult!! If this is rubbish why have I been told that I need to deal with the past to move on in the future?

I believe that's true about childhood experiences,but that doesn't mean you can't work on changing things now.You're no longer a child,you're an adult,with choices and options.It doesn't mean there's no hope or you're stuck being/feeling the way you are.Are you the same person you were back then?Are you still that child?Of course not.And that's why they say you have to deal with the past to move on,because it's in the past,not the present.If you buy a brand new car and have problems with it later on,you don't just give up all hope and say that's how it was 'moulded',you do work on it,put it in the shop or whatever.You don't just stay stuck with a car that doesn't run right and complain about it without doing anything about it.What good would that do?

I just thought someone might actually understand!!

I definitely do understand,and it's why I am saying these things at the risk of upsetting you.I am working SO hard to change my life.Nobody's going to do it for me,nobody's going to do it for you either.We all have choices and options,and it's up to us to do what we need to do in order to help ourselves.I plan on DOING the things I need to do instead of talking or thinking about doing them.

You KNOW what being around your family does to you.Only you can change that.OD'ing isn't the solution.Why not just stop getting around them and preventing this in the first place?

---------- Post Merged at 11:27 AM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:19 AM ----------

There's so much you can do to help yourself until you can see a professional,there's self help books,support forums,this place,etc.But you have to do the work yourself.Even though I do have a therapist,I am the one that has to do the work,he can't do it for me,he can't 'fix' me.

 

[Lonewolf]

Re: OMG!!!

Thank you all for not understanding!!! Its really not appreciated!! I know you are trying to offer advice, but you have never been in my shoes and I don't think you would say all of this if you were!! I do understand why you are saying this, but some people on here encourage me to reach out and when I did this time you have shouted me down!! I am sorry to have interrupted your perfect lives! Excuse me!!

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: OMG!!!

We all said we understand and you are not in our shoes either but we all have been there where you are and i like you did not understand either

i thought people were being cruel towards me and telling me i was not doing enough to read back on my post etc. There will come a point in your life where you will understand what we are saying and why but right now you are in too much turmoil too much pain to understand us

We do understand and we are definitely not walking in your shoes but we have been on similar paths

I do hope Lonewolf that supports come soon for you YOu keep pushing for them ok because you do deserve that support so keep pushing keep calling ok

 

[GDPR]

Re: OMG!!!

I am sorry if my post upset you Lonewolf,I was only trying to help you,not hurt you.

What exactly would you like to hear?Are you seeking sympathy?Do you just want us to tell you everything will be okay?Are you just wanting to vent but not expecting or wanting replies?I assumed you wanted help and advice,wanted to know things you can do to help yourself.But you shoot down everything that gets said.

 

[Mari]

Sigh, my life is very far from perfect and I am sorry if anything I said upset you. I was not shouting but only offering a suggestion. I hope you will keep talking and keep trying.

 

[Retired]

Thank you all for not understanding!!! Its really not appreciated!!....... but you have never been in my shoes and I don't think you would say all of this if you were!!

You have no way of knowing what any Psychlinks Forum member may or may not have endured and overcome. I dare say that some may have endured more than you can imagine, and may be able to relate to your situation better than you give them credit for.

Perhaps they have taken the time and effort to share their insights from their own recovery to try to help you...

but, sadly you've simply dismissed their efforts in what might be considered a hurtful and insensitive manner.

You are not the first to have experienced tragedy and and distress and you won't be the last.

If you are serious about recovery, consider reviewing some of the pertinent and relevant advice that has been offered to you.

The choice is yours whether you act on it or not.

If you choose to ignore their advice, please do not blame those who have tried to help, but look inward instead.

 

[Lonewolf]

I am totally aware that probably most people on here have had worse experiences than me!! Absolutely aware!! Ii am not that na?ve! I would never belittle anybody else experiences!! I did not set out to upset anyone, I was simply trying to reach out!! I apologize for my anger!! I do appreciate your input! If any of you are of the opinion that I am not welcome here any longer, please let me know? I did not post here for any sympathy, I don't expect that at all!! I just needed someone to hear me!! To understand!! I have always felt safe on here and that is why I posted this all to start with!!!

 

[MHealthJo]

It's probably just one of those situations LW where you just have to remember that if we feel that there are situations you are continuing to be in that keep you feeling really bad and are basically dangerous for you, probably you've gotta be aware that people will keep reminding you that you need to get out of that situation. You might have to be aware that people here will keep doing that.

The other thing you might have to be aware of is that quite a few people don't want to reply if the other person is not changing their situation. As long as you can understand if you might not get replies sometimes if it's a situation that is not changing. Some people are not prepared to spend time replying, listening or being helpful, if a situation is just ongoing and the person seems to be not changing it - like not really doing work on helping themselves or changing their choices.

The other thing is that if people know what you need to do for your situation to improve, and you are not ready to do different things yet, it might be best if you realise that it's important for us to just keep urging you to do what's best for yourself and we shouldn't be told off or have anger directed at us for that.

(It may happen sometimes though because that is the nature of certain problems... so I guess just remember to try to use DBT tools to keep in mind the reasons why we need to keep encouraging you in certain directions.

There are simple DBT tools which can help you to develop the strength of your 'wise mind' and help make it stronger than your emotional / reactive mind. When you are upset, you can use these tools to help you get that 'breather moment' and have a chance to react in a better, calmer way.... They really work. You can find them at the website get.gg .

Hang in there OK!

 

[forgetmenot]

We understood that is why we responded to your post no one is attacking you Lonewolf we are trying to help you see more clearly as your distorted way of thinking is not allowing you to move forward We care if we did not care then again we would not have responded No one wants you to leave again that is your mind perceiving things wrong
I for one am glad you keep reaching out here but you need to be really persistant in reaching out for help in real life too hugs

 

[GDPR]

I just needed someone to hear me!! To understand!! I have always felt safe on here and that is why I posted this all to start with!!!

We did hear you,we did and do understand,you just refuse to believe or see that or something.

I,personally,would still like to know exactly what type of responses you would prefer.Everyone is different,I prefer complete honesty,and even bluntness.I don't like for things to be sugar-coated and I don't like for people to beat around the bush,even if it upsets me.Even in therapy sessions,I tell my T to just be honest,tell me like it is and don't sugar-coat anything.

I think it would help if you could tell me what you would like,what you are seeking here.That way I won't respond in a way you don't like.If it's something that I am not able to give,I won't respond at all.There's lots of times I don't respond because I don't know what you are looking for.

 

[Retired]

Lonewolf,

You can absolutely feel safe to post on Psychlinks where comments are intended as constructive feedback.

You may not agree with everything being suggested, so that's where constructive discussion can help clarify both points of view.

The point I wanted to make was that although no one here may have experienced the identical terrible things you have endured, we have all experienced our own forms of tragedy and distress, that to each of us could have have affected us as deeply or even more deeply than your tragic situation.

Many of us have succeeded in recovering or are striving to recover with the help and support of family, friends and our therapists, and we are offering advice from our own experience so that you might find some comfort and inspiration in resolving your own issues.

You are indeed most welcome here and don't let feedback you may disagree with ever be a deterrent to expressing your opposing point of view.