David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
OVERCOMING AN EATING DISORDER: A STORY OF HOPE AND COURAGE
Freedom From Fear
March 2009
Eating disorders are not a choice, but a disease. For everyone that has or currently struggles with an eating disorder the journey is different. My journey started in the seventh grade as a diet that eventually took on a life of its own. With the help of supportive friends and family, along with a team of medical professionals and a lot of courage and hope, I was able to recover from my struggle with Anorexia. I was lucky to recover and in the process uncover a passion to help others as my therapist, nutritionist and doctor had helped me. This is my story of hope and courage.
My struggle with Anorexia began during the fall of seventh grade. I had just started a new school and along with that new school came a new popular best friend, Sarah, whom I constantly compared myself to. One day while sitting in chorus class I remember Sarah telling me ?Julie, more guys would definitely like you if you lost a little weight. Let?s both do it and see who can lose the most weight.? From the beginning of our unhealthy friendship, Sarah had always been better than me, she had better grades, was prettier and more popular. For once I wanted to be better than Sarah at something.
I had never been on a diet before and did not know how to lose weight in a healthy manner. My plan was simple, I would throw away my breakfast on the bus, skip lunch to do homework and then eat as little as possible at dinner without getting noticed. For the first couple of months this plan worked. I lost a lot of weight and got compliments from everyone around me saying how great I looked. I may have looked great but I did not feel that way. Not only did I still feel fat, but I had no energy to do anything and could not concentrate in school. I spent most of my days in the nurse?s office complaining of one ailment after another.
No matter how little I ate or how much weight I lost I still didn?t feel good enough. My ultimate goal of weight loss had been far exceeded. I thrived on the control not eating gave me. About six months into my ?diet? Sarah told me it was too hard to watch me do this to myself and I had taken it too far. Sarah said she could not be my friend until I got better. I was devastated. I went on starving myself for months. I would make up excuses and lies to everyone around me. My main concern was to lose weight and I did not care who I hurt in the process.
About eight months into my eating disorder I could no longer hide my weight loss and physical symptoms. At my annual checkup my doctor discovered my eating disorder. At this point, part of me was ready to stop hurting myself and lying to those around me, but there was also a part of me that was scared to let go of what I had become dependant on. The hard work began as I was sent to a variety of professionals who would help me during my recovery process. My recovery team consisted on my medical doctor, a therapist and a nutritionist. Together they monitored my health, retrained my thought process about food and re-taught me how to eat in a healthy way. Recovery was not easy and many days I fell back into my old ways of not eating. The hardest part of recovery was retraining my mind to think about food in a healthy way, rather than as something destructive. Even now I have days where it is hard to eat ?normal? food, but recovery is a lifelong process that gets easier everyday. As Anna Freud wrote, ?I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.?
I view my eating disorder as a negative thing that had a positive outcome. Struggling and recovering from my eating disorder helped me to discover a passion to help others and a desire to become a therapist. I hope to use my knowledge and passion to become therapist that specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.
This article was written by an intern at Freedom From Fear. We thank her for being so honest in sharing her story with us!
Freedom From Fear
March 2009
Eating disorders are not a choice, but a disease. For everyone that has or currently struggles with an eating disorder the journey is different. My journey started in the seventh grade as a diet that eventually took on a life of its own. With the help of supportive friends and family, along with a team of medical professionals and a lot of courage and hope, I was able to recover from my struggle with Anorexia. I was lucky to recover and in the process uncover a passion to help others as my therapist, nutritionist and doctor had helped me. This is my story of hope and courage.
My struggle with Anorexia began during the fall of seventh grade. I had just started a new school and along with that new school came a new popular best friend, Sarah, whom I constantly compared myself to. One day while sitting in chorus class I remember Sarah telling me ?Julie, more guys would definitely like you if you lost a little weight. Let?s both do it and see who can lose the most weight.? From the beginning of our unhealthy friendship, Sarah had always been better than me, she had better grades, was prettier and more popular. For once I wanted to be better than Sarah at something.
I had never been on a diet before and did not know how to lose weight in a healthy manner. My plan was simple, I would throw away my breakfast on the bus, skip lunch to do homework and then eat as little as possible at dinner without getting noticed. For the first couple of months this plan worked. I lost a lot of weight and got compliments from everyone around me saying how great I looked. I may have looked great but I did not feel that way. Not only did I still feel fat, but I had no energy to do anything and could not concentrate in school. I spent most of my days in the nurse?s office complaining of one ailment after another.
No matter how little I ate or how much weight I lost I still didn?t feel good enough. My ultimate goal of weight loss had been far exceeded. I thrived on the control not eating gave me. About six months into my ?diet? Sarah told me it was too hard to watch me do this to myself and I had taken it too far. Sarah said she could not be my friend until I got better. I was devastated. I went on starving myself for months. I would make up excuses and lies to everyone around me. My main concern was to lose weight and I did not care who I hurt in the process.
About eight months into my eating disorder I could no longer hide my weight loss and physical symptoms. At my annual checkup my doctor discovered my eating disorder. At this point, part of me was ready to stop hurting myself and lying to those around me, but there was also a part of me that was scared to let go of what I had become dependant on. The hard work began as I was sent to a variety of professionals who would help me during my recovery process. My recovery team consisted on my medical doctor, a therapist and a nutritionist. Together they monitored my health, retrained my thought process about food and re-taught me how to eat in a healthy way. Recovery was not easy and many days I fell back into my old ways of not eating. The hardest part of recovery was retraining my mind to think about food in a healthy way, rather than as something destructive. Even now I have days where it is hard to eat ?normal? food, but recovery is a lifelong process that gets easier everyday. As Anna Freud wrote, ?I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time.?
I view my eating disorder as a negative thing that had a positive outcome. Struggling and recovering from my eating disorder helped me to discover a passion to help others and a desire to become a therapist. I hope to use my knowledge and passion to become therapist that specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.
This article was written by an intern at Freedom From Fear. We thank her for being so honest in sharing her story with us!
