David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Overwhelmed - two ways to deal with it
by Evan
July 28th, 2008
Many of us feel overwhelmed. It seems to me that this is worst for parents. Parents are expected to be ideal parent?s, partners, lovers and providers as well. The expectations are ludicrous, but that doesn?t mean that we don?t feel them. (I?m not a parent, this is my observation from the media and the people I know.) And we try to live up to all these expectations: to at least make an attempt in all these different areas. All of them demanding a full-time commitment. And so we are too busy, and, simply overwhelmed.
I think there are two ways to respond to being overwhelmed. You can do both, and they both include many different things to do. What are they? To defeat being overwhelmed the two options I see are: get organised, or, don?t care.
1. Get Organised.
It may be that we can do more in less time - and this with ease. This is possible. When we get frantic and try to do too many things we end up doing them all badly. It can even make our lives more chaotic and unpleasant. This is where all that good advice about organisation can come in handy.
Lists. Making a list of all the things I have to do I have sometimes found that actually they are all fairly little and can be got through pretty quickly.
Priorities. It?s also true that there isn?t time to do everything and having a good sense of our priorities is very useful. And knowing our priorities may well help us to say, ?No? and stick to it.
Planning. Having a good sense of what a task involves and how long it is likely to take is only sensible (if only we were sensible more often).
There are other ways of being organised too.
I like to have what I am working on visible. This works better for me than a list. If I can see what I need to be working on I don?t forget it. Lists I easily overlook.
Having a routine can help. Making the coffee and checking my email after I get up helps me start the day and have a sense of what I need to do. Doing some things at particular times can give a sense of rhythm and how much time is available.
2. Don?t Care.
By ?Don?t Care? I don?t mean being callous or indifferent. I mean not letting all the stuff dictate our emotional life. I mean that we need to get some distance from all the expectations and demands. Those with a more Eastern spirituality I suppose would call it ?non-attachment?.
Somehow we need some kind of buffer between ourselves and all the demands we feel.
Sitting and breathing is one very good way to do this.
Another is finding what the activities represent to us. Washing towels everyday for my mother means that even though she is old her house is not becoming derelict. Feeling exhausted at the end of the day may mean we have done a worthwhile job. We may find that the activity we feel we must do really represents something else.
Our childhood influences us more than we are usually aware of. It may be that we are still trying to please a parent or live up to some childlike hope or ideal. Once we know what this is then it is possible to start meeting the real needs of the child inside us.
3. Beyond the Overwhelm
It is possible to live in touch with the here and now. Usually being overwhelmed stops us being here and now, instead we are only half here and half somewhere else - perhaps in the future or trying to solve a problem.
It?s worth asking what we would be doing if we weren?t overwhelmed. It is worth asking if being overwhelmed has a benefit for us. That perhaps we feel we would have to do something we don?t want to. This may not be the case, but sometimes it is - our franticness means we don?t have to be with something we don?t like: a job, a relationship or even a part of ourselves. When it is not then we can usually organise what we need to do and not worry about what we can?t do.
The world is vast. The expectations and demands are endless. We can?t change the whole world and we can?t live up to all the demands and expectations. But beyond trying to change the world or live up to these things we can slowly build an attentiveness: a quiet centre. This may mean saying ?No? to some people and demands, it may mean setting aside time to do new things (hobbies, meditation, time for a warm bath), it will almost certainly mean up-dating some childhood beliefs and healing of old wounds.
The reward: a growing stillness. And with this an expansion of our ability to welcome others. Beyond the overwhelm life is waiting.
by Evan
July 28th, 2008
Many of us feel overwhelmed. It seems to me that this is worst for parents. Parents are expected to be ideal parent?s, partners, lovers and providers as well. The expectations are ludicrous, but that doesn?t mean that we don?t feel them. (I?m not a parent, this is my observation from the media and the people I know.) And we try to live up to all these expectations: to at least make an attempt in all these different areas. All of them demanding a full-time commitment. And so we are too busy, and, simply overwhelmed.
I think there are two ways to respond to being overwhelmed. You can do both, and they both include many different things to do. What are they? To defeat being overwhelmed the two options I see are: get organised, or, don?t care.
1. Get Organised.
It may be that we can do more in less time - and this with ease. This is possible. When we get frantic and try to do too many things we end up doing them all badly. It can even make our lives more chaotic and unpleasant. This is where all that good advice about organisation can come in handy.
Lists. Making a list of all the things I have to do I have sometimes found that actually they are all fairly little and can be got through pretty quickly.
Priorities. It?s also true that there isn?t time to do everything and having a good sense of our priorities is very useful. And knowing our priorities may well help us to say, ?No? and stick to it.
Planning. Having a good sense of what a task involves and how long it is likely to take is only sensible (if only we were sensible more often).
There are other ways of being organised too.
I like to have what I am working on visible. This works better for me than a list. If I can see what I need to be working on I don?t forget it. Lists I easily overlook.
Having a routine can help. Making the coffee and checking my email after I get up helps me start the day and have a sense of what I need to do. Doing some things at particular times can give a sense of rhythm and how much time is available.
2. Don?t Care.
By ?Don?t Care? I don?t mean being callous or indifferent. I mean not letting all the stuff dictate our emotional life. I mean that we need to get some distance from all the expectations and demands. Those with a more Eastern spirituality I suppose would call it ?non-attachment?.
Somehow we need some kind of buffer between ourselves and all the demands we feel.
Sitting and breathing is one very good way to do this.
Another is finding what the activities represent to us. Washing towels everyday for my mother means that even though she is old her house is not becoming derelict. Feeling exhausted at the end of the day may mean we have done a worthwhile job. We may find that the activity we feel we must do really represents something else.
Our childhood influences us more than we are usually aware of. It may be that we are still trying to please a parent or live up to some childlike hope or ideal. Once we know what this is then it is possible to start meeting the real needs of the child inside us.
3. Beyond the Overwhelm
It is possible to live in touch with the here and now. Usually being overwhelmed stops us being here and now, instead we are only half here and half somewhere else - perhaps in the future or trying to solve a problem.
It?s worth asking what we would be doing if we weren?t overwhelmed. It is worth asking if being overwhelmed has a benefit for us. That perhaps we feel we would have to do something we don?t want to. This may not be the case, but sometimes it is - our franticness means we don?t have to be with something we don?t like: a job, a relationship or even a part of ourselves. When it is not then we can usually organise what we need to do and not worry about what we can?t do.
The world is vast. The expectations and demands are endless. We can?t change the whole world and we can?t live up to all the demands and expectations. But beyond trying to change the world or live up to these things we can slowly build an attentiveness: a quiet centre. This may mean saying ?No? to some people and demands, it may mean setting aside time to do new things (hobbies, meditation, time for a warm bath), it will almost certainly mean up-dating some childhood beliefs and healing of old wounds.
The reward: a growing stillness. And with this an expansion of our ability to welcome others. Beyond the overwhelm life is waiting.
