Parents and a mental hospital

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

(Well I haven't posted on these forums for over a year, so here goes..)

I'll make my long story short.

About two hours after I got back from recording a demo CD in California, my parents called the police to have me taken to a mental institution.

This is the same thing they did with my brother, and now they're doing it to me.

Now, I realize that I am 18 so I have to sign to go to one of these places, but the fact behind it is what is driving me down. While I was out of town, my father went through my entire room from floor to cieling (literally) trying to find something to incriminate me and make me look like a horrible person. (He found nothing.)

I guess I just can't understand why they used to try to tell me nothing was wrong with me and that I was perfectly normal, etc. and then have them turn and tell me that I'm insane and need to be hospitalized--it's really taken a toll on me. I've been wearing waterproof mascara for crying outloud because anytime I see any of my friends that I've told, I'll just start trying. I'm lucky, I guess, having such a large group of friends and a boyfriend that really do care about me and want to help me, and it certainly makes it an easier situation than if I were to be going through it completely alone. I guess what I'm asking for is any advice that could just bring me up a little and make me slightly happy in any way. I don't think I've smiled in days and my eyes are burning constantly trying to hold things back at school and such.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I remember you. I always liked the quote you have in your signature.

I am really sorry that happened. What was the reason your parents gave the police? Did they actually have you hospitalized?

I would feel very betrayed and humiliated if that happened to me. Well, actually, something like this did happen to me and I did feel very hurt and confused.

I hope that you can find much comfort in your friends. Let them support you and be there for you as much as you need.

 

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

I don't know exactly what was said to the police, but I do know my brother had gotten involved somehow, and after arguing with them finally got the point across that I had spent four days straight with him and I had been perfectly fine the entire time. There really wasn't anything my dad could have found in my room, and certainly nothing that is illegal.

No, I didn't actually have to go to the hospital, I would probably still be there if I had. It was just such a scare/shock that it left me rattled and insecure about my house and such.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

[healthbound]

Hi Freezing.
I can certainly understand you feeling shocked and upset. It sounds like you were not aware that hospitalization was even be an issue? Did your parents or brother explain why they thought you needed to be in the hospital? I'm certainly not a professional, but from I know, hospitalization is used when someone is believed to be in danger of harming themselves or others. Was there a particular event that led up to this?

I know I've asked lots of questions. Of course, I might be prying a bit too much and I apologize if that's the case.

I actually recently (last week) had some interesting phone and e-mail conversations about me being hospitalized. I think my step mom thought I might need to go to the hospital because I was feeling very overwhelmed and anxious, when really I just needed some support.

Anyway, it's cool that you came back to psychlinks.

 

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

No, I wasn't expecting it at all, really. If it was a year or two ago it would have been less of a shock, but I've improved my life on such a huge level from where I was before. I have stopped cutting and generally worked myself into a place where I felt comfortable with myself and my life.

My family has a history of bi-polar disorder, and I think that was what they were trying to get me sent for, even if I don't have it, they were going to try to make it sound like I did or something. The only reason I can think they would do this is because it's my last semester of my senior year in high school, and my parents know I'm serous about music and they'll do anything I can to make it so that I can't go on to study that in college...and that would include making it so that I can't graduate high school. (They see my future in marketing and business, which yes, I'm good at, but it's not what I want to do. To them, it's either their way or no way.)

 

[healthbound]

Hm. Sounds like they're going to pretty drastic measures, huh.

As I mentioned, I had something similar happen recently. I've been off work for about a year and recently, I've been making a transition back to work in the "real world" (I had done projects work from home). But, it wasn't until now that my parents decided to jump in and try to help. They offered some money (with conditions, of course), said they were going to talk to my therapist without my permission unless I signed a release form, and then they offered to come over and take my son and put me in the hospital.

I was as confused, angry and shocked ---similar to you. I mean, this stuff would have been great -about a year ago when I actually needed it. Bizarre. I didn't know how to take it or handle it. I mean, here I was, making a transition back to work and they were responding the way I wished they had a year ago. I was so confused and upset that I began to wonder -Am I not seeing myself in an accurate light or something? -Am I ready to go back to work? - Is she just menopausal? -Are they really concerned or is this some sort of funky reaction?

It was bizarre. SO - what DID help me was talking to my therapist and doing a "reality check". Like...DO I need to be hospitalized? AM I in danger of harming myself, my son or others? AM I caring for my son with food, clothing, shelter, hygene, clean laundry etc? AM I using drugs or alcohol? AM I suicidal? AM I sleeping all the time? AM I binge eating? DO I need their financial help? AM I managing this transition back to work? (I know these are probably different issues than yours - but, you get the idea )

In my case...all the answers indicated that I'm moving forward with my life exactly the way I need to be AND although they offered to help me, I'd already taken care of everything. Do I need extra support at this time? YES. Can I lean on them for the support I need to ensure I make this transition? NO.

I'm not sure if doing a "reality check" with your therapist (by the way, are you seeing one?) or a friend or even by yourself would helpful or not, but it was in my case. For me, it re-affirmed that I was on the right track.

It sounds like your parents probably have some genuine concern, but for some reason, are going about things in a pretty destructive way. It can be tough when you are trying to figure out what direction you want to go in with your life and even tougher when it's NOT the direction that your family wants it to go in.

What ended up happening and where are things at now? Are you seeing a therapist?

 

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

Thank you again for your replies, it's nice just to have someone that is listening.

No, I'm not seeing a therapist or anyone of that sort. I have never been allowed to, actually. When I was younger I told my mom I thought I had a little of what my brother had (at that time I didn't know how else to explain it) and she basically told me not to talk like that and that I was perfectly fine. It's also been the whole, "our family is perfectly normal don't let anyone think anything else." So basically, I haven't been able/been too scared to get help.

My freshman year, I was called into the counselling office because one of my friends had heard about some things going on at that time (that aren't anymore) and I had to talk a little, but it was only one meeting in the counselling office and truthfully, I felt so insecure talking to my school counsellor that I promised myself I would never go back there for that reason.

Right now I can't afford to go to a therapist (I'm just a part time waitress on the side of school and music) and there is no possibility of my parents paying for that as they still want me to have a "perfect" image in my town with everything. It gets really tangled up trying to put on that show all the time.

In the past six months to a year I have kind of been putting myself through a similar checklist every few weeks, mainly to make sure I was feeling alright. My writing has helped me a lot, as I can get things out in my journals and see patterns of my behaviour, then make good pieces out of them as well--but it has helped me to make sure I wasn't falling back into my feelings--that was, until this past week.

I haven't cut again or anything, haven't taken pills, haven't attempted anything that I would have used to, but it's brought me down on such an emotional level that people notice it more this time than they have in the years past.

As for what ended up happening with the actual hospitalization, my parents had called my brother for some reason looking for me (after I left to go in town with a friend and have a cup of coffee to calm down) and told him about the whole thing. Which was stupid on their part but good for me. My brother called me, told me what was going on and that I had to get right home, so trusting him, I left and went home. He called my parents, told them that I had just gotten to his house and he convinced me to get back home, and that I was on my way. They cancelled their call to the police. So how it boils down right now is my parents think I know nothing (my brother wasn't supposed to tell me) and they are treating me like I am five years old.

 

[healthbound]

Hey Freezing,

I can identify with the whole, "our family is perfectly normal don't let anyone think anything else" thing.

It must have been strange to ask for help and not get it.? Do you live in Canada?? I'm asking because you mentioned that you couldn't afford therapy right now, but if you live in Canada you should be able to access it (no cost to you).? I'm not sure how it works in the States though.? If you're interested in finding out more, I know there are lots of American members here and they would definitely know how it works there.? And of course, that?s all assuming that you want therapy at this time.

Sound like you're doing everything "right".? And I think it's awesome that you knew you could find support here too .

A few months back my grandmother found a blog that I had been keeping.? She responded to me by reminding me of how our family comes from a long line of "decent, ethical, intelligent, wholesome, high class, Christian people and law abiding American citizens".

I often feel sad about many of the misconceptions about mental health issues.? Or even many misconceptions about emotions.? In my family, it seems like you're not even supposed to have emotions.? Ya, like that's real sane.

Anyway, it sounds like you've got great self awareness.? It was nice to "meet" you and I look forward to hearing about how things go over the next while ----especially with your demo CD ).

 

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

No, I don't live in Canada unless Montana moved itself across the border without letting me know. Thank you so much for everything you've said. Nice to meet you too.

 

[Diana]

Hi freezing! Welcome back to the forums. Sometimes we need other people's help to deal with our problems. It sounds to me like you recognized that, asked for it and deserved to get it. We also need to trust ourselves and be self-reliant. It also sounds like you've progressed so much and have done a lot to help yourself. It seems like you're on the right track, so I'm sorry that your parents are bringing you down. I really admire you for stopping your cutting and binge eating. You should be really proud of yourself. It sounds like you know yourself pretty well and will be able to ask for help again if you need it - so Chin Up! :-D