Peer pressure and drinking

[gooblax]

Whenever I go out with friends, or at work functions where I'm with work-friends, people always try to pressure me to drink.

While I'm not entirely against drinking, I have a few reasons that I prefer not to. I also don't like consuming any liquids when I'm not feeling thirsty, so having any sort of beverage in quick succession like that doesn't appeal to me either.

The more often I go out, though, the less I can be bothered defending myself against everyone. Before I go out, I look up non-alcoholic drinks I could order just to avoid the comments about how I'm not even drinking anything at all, but then get nervous about ordering whatever I'd planned (what if they don't have it, and the fact that it will just spur on more comments when I'm asked what I'm drinking). So if it gets that far, then I just let someone else order something for me, that I inevitably won't be able to hear the name of when they say it, and it'll be something that I've never heard of anyway.

I'm really getting sick of it. The drinks don't even taste pleasant so there's not even that as a consolation for letting myself be pressured into it. I don't care about being uncool - if I did, I'd have a lot of other things to fix before this - but I don't like having attention drawn to me or having to explain myself. I need to figure out a way to be assertive about my decision not to drink, so that I can reduce everyone's apparent need to try to change my mind. But without making up excuses, and without an explanation/defence that's more words than I usually speak in a day.

Does anyone have any pointers?

 

[forgetmenot]

I would not defend myself hun at all I would just tell them like it is you do not enjoy alcoholic drinks so you will not be having any If you are thirsty you will have water or whatever you want ok

 

[David Baxter PhD]

^^^ I agree.

 

[gooblax]

Perhaps I just seem like I can be easily swayed or talked into it. A few weeks ago I thought I was putting up a pretty good effort at back-to-back work Christmas events, by saying "no thanks" every time someone offerred to get me a drink from the bar (we had a free bar tab), but by the end of it, I was privilaged enough to have heard discussions on how "there is a drink for everyone," "anyone who says they don't like the taste of alcohol just hasn't tried enough of it" etc. And they really didn't seem to be quitting until I'd had one drink at each event (and even then, two alcoholic drinks vs. however many they had was apparently a "waste" of the bar tab). After that exhausting experience, I couldn't even be bothered putting up much resistance when I went out with friends last night.

So I think the problem must be in asserting myself. I don't put up a good defence when my decisions are opposite to 'normal' and usually just try to be pleasant about it without being confrontational. I suppose that's where my timid attempt at being pleasant translates into "able to be swayed" for them.

 

[adaptive1]

I know what you mean, people try to pressure me to drink at work parties and functions with my friends. I found that I usually get a diet coke and then hang onto it and people dont pay attention to what I am drinking. Then there are times people insist on buying me a drink, I just let it sit there or end up moving it or giving it away. At the end of the day, people don't seem to notice I am still on my first drink.

I like the idea of being assertive better and saying no better..

 

[eva]

If you're not interested in drinking alcohol, it should not be up for debate by others. You don't owe them anything.

And frankly, if these people had more confidence in how they handled ingesting these substances, maybe they wouldn't feel the need to pressure you and disrespect your interests. It seems like they need to justify their own behaviours by swaying other people into the habit. Not to say they're alcoholics, but it's very troubling that anyone would be so insistent and stubborn about your own choices when it doesn't really hurt them at the end of the day.

 

[W00BY]

It has taken me agesssssssss to get this one into my head that I can actually say no and mean it and if the other person(s) seems weirded-out by it...it's not my fault the issues actually lies with them not me.

The reason I actually had to get my head round this was for my own kids... my daughter is very popular at school and tends to be on the mature side for her age which led to a situation where if someone older than her wanted to drink or take drugs and she was there she felt compelled to fit in and for some reason it was only with older kids.

So I had to practice what I preached and not only tell her she had a choice in these situations but also start doing it myself, which isn't easy as my natural instinct is to keep people happy...

But you know as I have done it, there is an intrinsic value to be had a very empowering sense, when you do say no and upset someone else(s) plans and nowadays there is an inward giggle at some of the faces pulled or tantrums taken!

This time of year just tends to be more fraught with such situations too Gooblax.

Good luck at your next social occasion and keep on no-ing!

 

[gooblax]

Thanks guys.

I'll try being more firm about it next time to see how it goes.