Anger over lack of online peer support (different forum)

[gooblax]

I used to be a member of a youth-oriented support forum which had its good and bad points, but I found it relatively easy to relate to the other members. I'm now outside the age bracket so have had to move on. Unfortunately I haven't been able to find anything that's come close to replicating what I used to get out of being a member of that forum.

I've tried two others since then, but neither of them work for me at all.

• One of them was fine if I felt up to talking to other people on their topics and didn't need timely responses, but the way it was run and the way people posted there was infuriating. Long posts that were barely on-topic and just felt overwhelming to try and respond to. Posts that were held back for manual moderation before being posted. The last straw was having a post rejected for being "illogical or irrelevant" in a last-post-wins thread - talk about illogical.
• The other one, I can't relate to anyone. Although not the focus of the forum, most of the members are middle aged women who have experienced trauma. Seeing that I don't fit either of those criteria, it's a tough ask to begin with. I can't be of any help to them because I have no idea what their experiences are like. They can't be of any help to me because I keep feeling angry when it seems like I'm being ignored, which is ever-escalating due to not getting replies in an environment where the most pathetic, whiny, pleading post leeches all the attention.

I need to get a handle on the rage that this has been inducing in me. But I don't think it's unreasonable to want to find an online community where I can share the good and bad parts of my day and have people be interested, and vice versa.

 

[MHealthJo]

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this, Gooblax. It is so frustrating and so hard to lose out on something so important like this.

Did your account literally stop being operative on the youth-focused site, simply because a birthday came up or sonething? You've been just locked out from taking part in it?

 

[gooblax]

Thanks MHJ.
Nah I knew it had been coming up for awhile and had been trying to gradually stop going on there, but that was difficult and increasingly upsetting seeing as I couldn't find anything to replace it. Eventually I just asked them to ban my IP so I could just have a clean break and try to move on.

 

[MHealthJo]

Wow... Do they definitely have a strict policy though, of withdrawing support from longtime members who have passed the age range? Is that written somewhere? Sorry to press it, I just kind of think in a case of it being very useful to some longtime users, it's important to know what definitely would officially happen...? (Perhaps even a message to the administrators could be useful just to clarify for sure? I would have thought that there would be some other possibility than just flat-out cutting you off, I guess....)

 

[gooblax]

When I spoke to the admin about my age they said I could have a period of time to leave. I'm not sure how other people have dealt with this issue in the past - it wasn't discussed by anyone in the current version of those forums (they've been around for awhile but never migrated content when they changed software, which apparently has happened at least twice... maybe that's how they usually get rid of longer term members ). I did ask for some suggestions on other online communities but I'm not keen on the ones they suggested.

It is what it is. Young people need a space where they can hang out with people their own age who relate to their stuff.

I just need to find a way to use it as a catalyst to spend my time more productively.

 

[Harebells]

Is there any way you could ask if anyone on your old forum would like to also join a new forum you are on, so no one would have to just be out there on their own starting from scratch? (Not sure if that's weird/against forum etiquette!)

 

[gooblax]

I appreciate the suggestion HB but it's not possible.

Trying to cling onto the people from the old forum is not really what this thread was meant to be about. It was meant to be about trying to find an alternative to the angry/hurt feelings and intrusive thoughts stemming from the given scenario.

 

[MHealthJo]

Damn, I'm so sorry that that is their policy, Gooblax.

It's good that you chatted to us here about how this made you feel, that those feelings could be heard here a little bit.

(Some of us have also been using the big smilie list to find the exact right feelings and letting them out when we want to... there is a thread in Just Chat.

http:/forum.psychlinks.ca/showthread.php?34367-Post-a-Smiley-Emojis-of-Your-Moods-or-What-You-ve-Been-Up-to-Lately

We were finding it surprising how cathartic it could be to have someone really see a description of what we feel. Feel free to use it anytime! That 'feeling of being seen, being heard', feelings being accepted and acknowledged by someone.... very important. Lets the emotions and experiences flow and not get as 'stuck'; lets things flow and feel more healed.)

I also sometimes find these audios really useful for helping difficult emotions and experiences to process - there are specific ones for anger, grief, and many different things:

https://www.meditationoasis.com/podcast

Really sorry that this happened Gooblax... Glad you could mention it here, look for some ideas etc... Thinking of ya.