• Quote of the Day
    "Worrying is like a rocking chair: It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."
    Van Wilder, posted by Daniel

xbnmx

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I recently saw a nurse practitioner with a suspected case of adult onset ADD. She refuted adult onset ADD stating that it did not exist and that for ADD to occur it has to be present in child hood. I thought her demeanor was pretentious, but I continued seeing as it seems that it is very difficult to actually get psychiatrist appointments in San Diego. After taking some tests and answering maybe a handful of questions, she declared that I suffer from a serious anxiety condition. She is right, I do suffer from anxiety, but I had always thought as a part of normal life as opposed to a condition. I explained this, but she said that anxiety can produce the same symptoms as ADD in a person; which I happen to posses and am seeking to treat. She then pushed and pushed for me to take an SSRI, but I refused due to the potential side effects and the effects I had seen them have on people I know. She said that there was no alternative to this family of drugs for anxiety. I told her that I knew people taking benzodiazepines for anxiety. She stated that because of the potential for addiction that they were not an option with her ethics of practice. I still refused SSRIs. She then stated that gabapentin was a potential alternative, but would have to be taken at four times, as opposed to once a day with an SSRI. She also through in that she does not have free samples of gabapentin as she does SSRIs. I agree to try treatment via gabapentin. The ironic thing? It worked, and it worked well. People around me told me that my temper was much better and that I was generally mellower and kinder without losing any, and perhaps even expanding upon, my already existing nature of being articulate and outgoing.

This is what scared me. Taking the drug made me a better person, the person I was trying to develop into. i realized that if I were already that person as a result of taking the drug regularly, I would never develop into that person without the drug. After intermittent usage I finally emptied the bottle. Shortly there after I got into an argument with my girlfriend with another friend bearing witness.

We had been drinking, but these types of conflict occur on a vaguely regular pattern. They are not foreign. We have semi-regular conflicts and on this occasion she was physically harmed.

This is one of the occurences that incited me to try the anxiety medication. It was a traumatizing experience for both of us to say the least. The specific occurrence was an accident bound to happen with our line of behavior, one that would not have happened had I been on gabapentin. I am now horribly torn. I fear that I will never develop to be the person I want to be while accepting the treatment, but I feel who I am today may have damaging affects on my life.
 
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This is what scared me. Taking the drug made me a better person, the person I was trying to develop into. i realized that if I were already that person as a result of taking the drug regularly, I would never develop into that person without the drug.

I fear that I will never develop to be the person I want to be while accepting the treatment, but I feel who I am today may have damaging affects on my life.

these two statements seem to contradict each other, so i'm not sure which it really is for you.


however, i'd like to think of things this way. we are ill, and we become different people than if we weren't ill. the medication we take helps manage the illness, and returns us to being who we are without the illness (to a degree, or completely).

it's the illness that changes our basic who we are. it's the medication that helps restore us to who we really are. i don't think that is a bad thing.

i don't know anything about the medication you were taking but if it's safe and it makes your life better and let's you be you, then there is no shame in it. it's medicine for an illness. that's all it is.
 

xbnmx

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I do not see how they contradict. The drug is a short cut to who i want to be, a person who will only exist while that drug is coursing through my veins. And if I am already that person on the drug, I do not see how I am going to develop to be that person without it.
 

David Baxter

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The medication is enhancing the levels of neurotransmitters that you need to function properly. It's not altering who you are. It's merely helpinmg you to moderate your emotional reactions to things and people in your life.

How do you conclude that this would not have happened had you not been taking the medication? :confused:
 

xbnmx

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I was saying that this would seemingly not have occurred if I had not stopped taking the medication. I am just worried that some aspects of my decision making faculty may not develop to meet my natural neurotransmitter state (which they may or may not have), but when I am taking actions that cause me to unintentionally hurt the people I love maybe it is best that I accept treatment.
 

David Baxter

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Oh, I see. I do agree that you probably need to continue with treatment. It's not really an issue of your personality versus your "neurotransmitter state". It's that conditions like depression and anxiety are stressful and draining and it's not unusual for people with these untreated conditions to have limited tolerance for stress or frustration, which of course can lead to interpersonal tensions and conflicts.
 

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