Please give me just a hint

[Zephyr]

Hello

In my studies, I have a psychology course so I know the very basics of the topic.

I've been browsing a little here and there but I would like someone to look individually at it. I would be VERY grateful for a little advice, just a hint which way to go.

This is the case:

I am studying at home and I part-work in my home office. For about 2.5 year now, I live in complete isolation in a small town: I have no friends (literally, nobody - not that I am purposefully eviting people; there are actually no people I could hang out with) and I'm not ever sure if the rest of the world exists - although I would love to see new places - due to shortage of money.

Recently, I noticed the deterioration of my emotional balance. I became very irritable and aggressive, although the situation is a lot better than about 2 weeks ago when my thoughts revolved around doing something very immoral and bad. Of course, I could not do anything really bad to anyone because I control myself very rigidly and I know it is temporary feeling. I have no words to express how I love my family but they began to annoy me so much, but not only they, that I must close myself in my room and at least cry out of the (loathing, hatred, anger?). I am not even able to describe it because when someone takes my parking lot I get angry, when the soup is too salty, I get angry, in this case I am (angry)^x. I looked at myself, and I've seen the iris was so emerald at the background of crimson eyes that I got scared. I feel like I lose all my senses. I especially hate these who undermines my authority and who think I get annoyed by trifles, because I never do so. I disdained people in general because I thought them superficial animals but I started convincing myself that EVERYTHING is on this world including the good, intelligent and sublime people. I also noticed fears of lack of control over my life, I can't relish the moment, some strange anhedonia bothers. I also, sometimes, try not to get close to people because I think when you're left alone that won't hurt so much.

If that is useful fact, I have had quite severe stage of OCD about 4 years ago but I have somehow managed without any help from the outside. Now it is ok, but I have problems with fears controlling me instead of me having control over fears.

I don't want to go to psychiatrist because it is extremely hard to find reliable and competent people + I dunno whether they would commit me or something.

I would be happy to hear, really, any clue on how to try get out.

Thanks in advance,

regards.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

I don't want to go to psychiatrist because it is extremely hard to find reliable and competent people + I dunno whether they would commit me or sth.

I also, sometimes, try not to get close to people because I think when you're left alone that won't hurt so much.

I would be happy to hear, really, any clue on how to try get out.

It seems your very symptoms (such as anxiety or intolerance of anxiety) makes it more difficult for you to get the help you need, such as seeing a therapist. It is an ongoing process to deal with something like OCD.

I have never heard of anyone being "committed" except when someone is acting suicidal and even then it is for usually only 3 days at most because a judge's order is needed after that -- at least where I live.

Have you seen a therapist before?

 

[Zephyr]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

then what does a therapy would look like? how am I supposed to find and recognize right person?

what is the correlation between the present situation and OCD, consolidates it?

later in life, it will be all on my record what mental struggles or disorders did I have and all

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

For OCD and other forms of anxiety, the most common approach is cognitive behavior therapy:

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder :: OCD

Anxiety & Stress

Cognitive Behavior Therapy: CBT

 

[Budoaiki]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

Hello Zephyr,

I have been in both anger management and normal cognitive therapy which have helped me more than words can do justice.

Anger is a strange thing, sometimes we rely on it as a defence mechanism when we feel weak and because we truly are creatures of habit it can become a habit but obviously you have already recognised this and have a solid understanding of just how destructive anger can be.

I don't know where you live but as far as I know most countries won't commit anyone unless they are a threat to themselves or others also in the same light doctor patient confidentiality laws prevent anyone outside your medical treatment to have access to your records unless you sign an information release.

 

[Retired]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

In my studies, I have a psychology course so I know the very basics of the topic.

This knowledge should help you understand the importance of receiving professional help, because, as you are aware, understanding the theory of psychology and actually experiencing alterations of mood and distorted thinking are very different. Unfortunately, even if we have an understanding of the theory, our own subjective thinking does not allow us to treat ourselves.

I don't want to go to psychiatrist because it is extremely hard to find reliable and competent people + I dunno whether they would commit me

As Daniel has said, it is unlikely that someone would be involuntarily hospitalized for mood disorder; what are the chances of this happening in the place where you live?

Have you spoken to your own doctor about your difficulties? Is there a local clinic or hospital where there might be a better chance to get mental health care in your location?

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

Also, what kind of professional diagnosed you with OCD? If it was a psychiatrist or psychologist, what treatment did he/she offer and why did you stop seeing him/her?

Is healthcare provided to everyone in your country? In other words, are there financial concerns that you have in seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist? Or is your geographic distance from such services a bigger issue?

---------- Post added at 03:24 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:42 PM ----------

what is the correlation between the present situation and OCD, consolidates it?

One way of looking at irritability or anger is that people with mood disorders (such as depression or anxiety) have more difficulty regulating their emotions. One technique to overcome this is to do the opposite of what you feel: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt/24511-opposite-action.html. As will all other cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) techniques, one gets better at it with practice.

 

[battleworn]

Re: PLEASE, gimme just a hint

A 10 day Vipassana Meditation workshop very much helped me when I felt like an explosion waiting to happen.