I don't know if anyone will relate to this but I just want to communicate some feelings that I've got to get out and hope, hope that maybe someone else knows what is going on in this wild soul. I'm 25 now but when I was a young one at 19 my first boyfriend was in a car accident on the way home from seeing me. I think he was going pretty fast since we would stay as long as we could together and he feared the wrath of his mother. He wasn't killed but was in intensive care then in a coma for over 6 months. It was so frustrating because all I felt was numb and without emotion. When he regained consciousness I told him that I didn't want to continue the relationship- I know this sounds cruel-I just didn't feel anything anymore. But I've thought of him so much since the accident and we met again this year. It was just as if we slipped back into this sweet intimacy again but better since I was more sure of certain things in myself and have done a lot more since then. Ok, this is quite rambling. I suppose now it seems to fit into place relating this to a grieving process. I'm constantly going through the denial then I have panic, anger and just want to cut all these people out of my life for the tiniest things. Life has never seemed real since then, I don't know how, how to be back there and I feel scared. Its so frightening to be away from there as I felt so protected by him. Any advice?