More threads by redstar


I don't know if anyone will relate to this but I just want to communicate some feelings that I've got to get out and hope, hope that maybe someone else knows what is going on in this wild soul. I'm 25 now but when I was a young one at 19 my first boyfriend was in a car accident on the way home from seeing me. I think he was going pretty fast since we would stay as long as we could together and he feared the wrath of his mother. He wasn't killed but was in intensive care then in a coma for over 6 months. It was so frustrating because all I felt was numb and without emotion. When he regained consciousness I told him that I didn't want to continue the relationship- I know this sounds cruel-I just didn't feel anything anymore. But I've thought of him so much since the accident and we met again this year. It was just as if we slipped back into this sweet intimacy again but better since I was more sure of certain things in myself and have done a lot more since then. Ok, this is quite rambling. I suppose now it seems to fit into place relating this to a grieving process. I'm constantly going through the denial then I have panic, anger and just want to cut all these people out of my life for the tiniest things. Life has never seemed real since then, I don't know how, how to be back there and I feel scared. Its so frightening to be away from there as I felt so protected by him. Any advice?

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
I'm not sure what you're asking, redstar.

If I understand your post correctly, you have after a number of years rekindled a relationship with a former sweetheart. Correct? Are you wondering whether you should continue this? Or are you asking about the meaning of your initial reaction while he was in a coma?


If I read you correctly, you're afraid that seeing this person again will return you to a past you're uncomfortable with. If that's the case, rest easy. We cannot go back. We can only go forward from today. Any relationship you might develop with this person will be a relationship based on who you both are now, not who you were six years ago. Put the past behind you, hon, and live for today and the future. :)
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