More threads by poohbear


this is a letter i write to my father in law. i was hoping to get across to him that i'm a little stressed lately, without going into details about my husband(his son) and me not being in a happy marraige. he thinks we are horrible to him, that we don't spend time w/him and he bad mouths us to his other son-- my husband's brother (and his girlfriend) who in turn tells us all about it, so we know what he's really thinking! anyway, i just wanted to let him know that it's a hectic life i lead and that any rudeness he may feel is purely not intentional. what do you think? I hope it's alright, b/c i'm going over now to give it to him. it'll be too late, but i'd still like your comments:

Dear Poppy:

On the phone today, you said I had changed and that you didn’t feel close to me anymore. You were upset that I had been short/rude to you yesterday. I’m sorry I was rude, I was just very busy at the time, trying to get the Christmas stuff put away, and Isaac was trying to climb up the ladder, I had just fussed at Ephraim b/c he was not doing what he was told. To top it all off, this was Friday– the end of a very long week for me. Peter has been in “meetings” all week long. He has come home late (and I mean 9, 10, 11, 12 at night) four out of five days, and the whole time, I have been taking care of the kids without much help. Also, this week, I have had to get ready for my school. I had to go to get registered, then go back the next day for books, then go back because I forgot some books, etc. It’s just hectic. Anyway, it’s not an excuse, just an explanation. I know that as of late things have been strained, but it seems to me that you have the impression that someone is mad at you or being mean. This is not the case. I cannot speak for Peter much, but for myself, I can say that I have had a very hard time these last few months. I do not think you understand how difficult it is for me to go to school full time while working and taking care of the kids. In addition to all this, I have to find time to study, research and write papers. I have to read Nursing Journals to keep up on the profession. I have little to no spare time. The spare time I do have is used most likely to go potty. Even then, I have kids hanging on me! Sometimes, I know you get upset that I don’t answer my phone or listen to my messages the same day. I check them when I am able to “deal”– so to speak. I “give” so much to everyone else, that I literally am “tapped out” sometimes. I cannot give anymore. So many people want from me, and I have so many obligations that I sometimes HAVE to have time alone for my own sanity. In addition to all this, I have been having some health problems that I was keeping under wraps until I find a proper diagnosis. Only my parents, Peter and the kids know about it. Now you. Nothing to worry about yet, just something I’ve had to look into. And I’d appreciate it if you’d NOT say anything to ANYONE. (Thanks :) ) I know you’ve been thinking I’m not the nicest person around. It shows. And I know that many times, I am NOT the nicest person around. But try to understand the situations here. We work opposite shifts, we have three kids nearly 5 years apart (meaning different interests and levels of activity), I go to school full time, and we hardly ever have any time alone together–let alone ourselves. And sleep is a good thing, too. I like to sleep, and I don’t get to do that much, so when I can, I DO! It’s rude, but sometimes, I just don’t WANT to be disturbed. And sometimes, I think because I am unhappy in my current lifestyle, it comes across as being the worlds biggest butt-hole. It’s purely unintentional.
You, however, are retired and work (albeit, paid work) for the Church. That’s it. No kids at home. You come and go as you please, not working around anyone’s schedule but your own, and whatever work the Church has for you. I know you get upset b/c you think we/I don’t have “time” for you. It’s just the opposite. With all we(me and the kids) have to do, I feel that maybe your schedule would be more flexible. But it seems sometimes you are too busy at the times we are not busy. I know you get angry b/c our schedule is so inflexible, but it has to be with all we have going on. If you spent one week in our household, I guarantee, you’d be admitted to the nearest psych ward! I sometimes want to go VOLUNTARILY.
I think that maybe if you knew our schedule better, you’d be more comfortable. So, I have included a copy of my schedule for school, and the kids normal karate schedules (by the way– they both got their new belts today. Phillip is a green belt and Ephraim is an orange belt.). My school schedule is for 14 weeks. The first seven weeks, I will have clinicals at MUSC on Fridays. The second seven weeks, beginning March 1st, , I have clinicals every Tuesday and Thursday at Trident Hospital. This is in addition to lectures and labs throughout the week at the main campus on Rivers Avenue. Just b/c a day has no class listed, I still may be working online for school. Nursing school is hard for me. It’s hard to concentrate, so I take a little longer to work than some people would. If these schedules help, I’m glad. I hope this letter didn’t upset you. I really am just trying to help you understand why things are sometimes the way they have been: crazy.



You've said it like it is, Poohbear. To me, that's the best way to handle it. Often, people simply don't understand what life is like for those around them. It's never a bad idea to let them know when you're under stress, and/or when you schedule is just too darned full for much socializing. :)


I think that's a really honest and genuine letter... you've kind of turned it over to your father-in-law now, he knows the 'situation' and you've been able to keep your marriage troubles out of it, so I think it's up to him now whether to keep on being mad or maybe trying to work around your schedule to spend time w/ you and your family. Maybe he truly just did not realize how busy you are, and it sounds incredibly busy to me, and a lot of juggling and multi-tasking so for you to sit down and write this letter is a nice gesture. I hope he can see that. If you want to spend time w/ him, maybe planning something ahead of time might work? something along the lines of "barbecue at my house during the next break"... If he really does feel neglected it's not very productive for him to complain to his other son and daughter-in-law, instead of adressing the issure directly like you have done.


I like your letter. I think it is well written. The message in the leter is very clear but you communicated it in a very nice way. I especially like that you included a copy of your schedule. I think that is an extremely good solution. Hopefully he can feel a little more involved now and maybe he can find times that are much more convenient for maybe he could go to their karate class and would be able to drive them so you could have more study time or something like that. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I think your letter is really good and I think there is a good chance that your schedule solution will help a lot.
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