PTSD and Emotional Avoidance

[Daniel E.]

PTSD and Emotional Avoidance
By Matthew Tull, PhD, About.com
November 06, 2008

PTSD and emotional avoidance go hand-in-hand. Many people with PTSD try to get away from or avoid their emotions. Emotional avoidance is part of the avoidance cluster of PTSD symptoms.

Avoidance symptoms make up one cluster of PTSD symptoms. Specifically, the avoidance cluster of PTSD symptoms include:

• Making an effort to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations about the traumatic event.
• Making an effort to avoid places or people that remind you of the traumatic event.
• Having a difficult time remembering important parts of the traumatic event.
• A loss of interest in important, once positive, activities.
• Feeling distant from others.
• Experiencing difficulties having positive feelings such as happiness or love.
• Feeling as though your life may be cut short.

The first symptom includes the avoidance of emotional experience, which is common among people with PTSD.

Emotional Avoidance in PTSD

It has been found that people with PTSD often try to avoid or “push away” their emotions, both emotions about a traumatic experience and emotions in general. Studies have found that people with PTSD may withhold expressing emotions. In addition, it has been found that the avoidance of emotions may make some PTSD symptoms worse or even contribute to the development of PTSD symptoms after the experience of a traumatic event.

Why Emotional Avoidance Does Not Work

It is important to recognize that we have emotions for a reason. Our emotions provide us with information about ourselves and the things going on around us. For example, the emotion of fear tells us that we may be in danger. The emotion of sadness tells us that we may need some time to take care of ourselves or seek out help from others. Given the important role they play in our lives, our emotions are there to be experienced and they want to be experienced.

Therefore, while emotional avoidance may be effective in the short-run and may provide you with some temporary relief, in the long run, the emotions you're trying to avoid may grow stronger. Basically, your emotions may “fight back” so they can be be experienced and listened to. If someone is determined to avoid his emotions, he may then turn to more drastic and unhealthy ways of avoiding emotions, such as through substance use.

Avoiding our emotions also takes considerable effort, especially when those emotions are strong (as they often are in PTSD). As avoided emotions grow stronger, more and more effort is needed to keep them at bay. As a result, little energy may be left for the important things in your life, such as family and friends. In addition, using all your energy to avoid certain emotions may make it difficult to manage other experiences, such as frustration and irritation, making you more likely to be “on edge” and angry.

What Can Be Done

The most important thing to do is to reduce the extent that you try to escape your emotions. Of course, this is a lot easier said than done. If you have been avoiding your emotions for a long time, it may be difficult to release them. Sometimes, when we let our emotions build up, they may escape all at once, like a dam breaking. This may lead to our emotions feeling out of control.

It is important to find ways to release your emotions. Therapy of all kinds can be very helpful in this regard. Cognitive-behavioral and psychoanalytic/psychodynamic therapies all give you the opportunity to express and understand your emotions, as well as examine the sources of those emotional responses. In addition to examining emotions connected directly to the traumatic event, cognitive-behavioral approaches may address how certain thoughts or ways of evaluating a situation may be contributing to your emotions. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT), a particular type of behavior therapy, focuses on breaking down avoidance and helping a person place his energy into living a meaningful life (and being willing to experience whatever emotions arise as a result). Psychoanalytic/psychodynamic approaches may pay more attention to early childhood experiences and their influence on your emotions. Either way, therapy can provide you with a safe place to express and approach your emotions. Seeking social support from trusted loved ones can also provide a safe way to express your emotions. Finally, writing about your feelings can also give you a safe and private way to release your deepest feelings.

If your emotions feel really unclear or unpredictable, self-monitoring may be a useful strategy for you. It can give you a sense of what situations bring of certain thoughts and feelings. Finally, if your emotions feel too strong, try distraction instead of avoidance. Distraction can be viewed as “temporary avoidance.” Do something to temporarily distract you from a strong emotion, such as reading a book, calling a friend, eating comforting food, or taking a bath. This may give the emotion some time to decrease in strength, making it easier to cope with.

Sources:
Hayes, S.C., Luoma, J.B., Bond, F.W., Masuda, A., & Lillis, J. (2006). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: Model, processes and outcomes. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 44, 1-25.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K.D., Wilson, K. G. (1999). Acceptance and commitment therapy: An experiential approach to behavior change. New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Roemer, L., Litz, B. T., Orsillo, S. M. & Wagner, A. (2001). A preliminary investigation of the role of strategic withholding of emotion in PTSD. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 14, 149-156.

Salters-Pedneault, K., Tull, M.T., & Roemer, L. (2004). The role of avoidance of emotional material in the anxiety disorders. Applied and Preventive Psychology, 11, 95-114.

Tull, M.T., Gratz, K.L., Salters, K., & Roemer, L. (2004). The role of experiential avoidance in posttraumatic stress symptoms and symptoms of depression, anxiety, and somatization. Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease, 192, 754-761.

 

[Daniel E.]

Experiential avoidance as a moderator of the relationship between behavioral inhibition system sensitivity and posttraumatic stress symptoms.
Journal of Anxiety Disorders
July 2011

Preliminary evidence suggests that high emotional reactivity, in conjunction with maladaptive self-regulatory processes, increases one's vulnerability to develop psychopathology. In the present study, associations between behavioral inhibition system (BIS) and behavioral activation system (BAS) sensitivity, experiential avoidance (EA) and trauma-related outcomes (i.e., posttraumatic stress symptoms [PTSS]) were examined in a sample (N=851) of female college students who had experienced at least one traumatic event. Positive associations were observed between BIS sensitivity, EA, and PTSS. In addition, EA moderated the relationship between BIS sensitivity and PTSS, with participants high in BIS sensitivity and high in EA reporting significantly more PTSS than participants high in BIS sensitivity and low in EA. No association was observed between BIS sensitivity and PTSS for participants low in EA. These findings suggest that an unwillingness to experience unwanted private events, in conjunction with increased BIS [behavioral inhibition system] sensitivity, contributes to PTSS severity. Further, there was a positive association and a negative association found between PTSS and BAS-Drive and BAS-Reward Responsiveness, respectively. A marginally significant EA?BAS-Fun Seeking interaction was also observed. Present findings suggests the importance of pursuing an etiological model of posttraumatic stress disorder in which neurobiological factors (i.e., BIS/BAS sensitivity) and self-regulatory processes (i.e., EA) interact to produce psychopathology.

------------------
From About.com:

"Behavioral inhibition refers to a pattern of behavior involving withdrawal, avoidance, fear of the unfamiliar, and over-arousal of the sympathetic nervous system. Behavioral inhibition typically appears as a temperamental predisposition found in childhood."

 

[Justaday]

I hadn't heard about ACT before, Acceptance and Committment Therapy. Interesting by the title, maybe useful re: avoidance. I'll look into that more.

I just did a questionnaire in the research section re: traumatic events, which brought to my awareness that I probably avoid a lot more than I realize, it's just become very habitual, so much so that I probably don't even notice it that much (accept when I make goals and don't wind up following through because of avoidance). Some days it's really hard to get out the door. I also struggle a lot with trusting others.

I just did some personal writing on it. There's a couple of traumas which really do feed into my avoidance of situations and I reflected on some recent experiences of avoiding. A lot has to do with fears about physical safety, so I went over some situations where I experience those fears. And it's okay, some situations are reasonable to be cautious about. Then I looked at other situations, which are likely safer. So I got this scheme going, conclusions with: "not safe"; "safe with conditions"; "safe enough". Some situations, it's not unreasonable to consider physical safety; other situations, there are risks to my mental and emotional safety (e.g. degree of toxicity in relationships, those that suck a lot more energy out of me, vs. any benefit, that can cost me a lot more in symptom aggrevation-- which can cause loss of sleep, heightened anxiety, etc. and not good for recovery goals of stabilization). Some situations in which there are risks re: mental/emotional safety can potential escalate to physical safety risks (I'm damaged by prior assaults-- really damaged to the point where it's overly constricting and I'm overly avoidant-- yes, congitive approach is useful to that, and when followed by actions, so it's learnt, praticed, maybe I'll have more experiences of safety, which I know I do need-- it's not a good existence, when there's been too many unsafe experiences-- and when over avoiding, not getting to add more safe experiences to my history-- can be a self-fullilling prophesy)

Anyway, I'm going to try to get out today.

 

[Daniel E.]

hadn't heard about ACT before, Acceptance and Committment Therapy. Interesting by the title, maybe useful re: avoidance. I'll look into that more.

Yeah, there is a subforum at Psychlinks about it where we have been posting articles: Acceptance & Commitment Therapy: ACT

 

[Justaday]

Thanks Daniel for helping me find that again. I read a couple of the articles, and then these ones re: trauma:
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act/20498-treating-trauma-with-act.html

I found this was an accurate framing of the problem of trauma and avoidance as a problem in my life:

Robyn D. Walser: In fact, for many trauma survivors with PTSD, their lives have become unlivable. That is, they’ve stopped doing things they used to do, including the enjoyable things. In many ways their lives have become “small” as their symptoms have come to rule their existence. For example, the assault survivor who stays in his bedroom to avoid anxiety, the rape victim who stops having relationships because “all men are dangerous”, the car accident survivor who never drives again, or the war veteran who cuts himself off from his family as he has returned home “different”. These kinds of life-shrinking problems are consistently seen in PTSD and are largely done in efforts to control symptoms—in efforts to not think, feel and experience. However, these very efforts can actually increase symptoms and problems. The price of avoidance is the loss of a vital life. When these same people come to therapy, their request is often to help them “forget” the trauma so that they can get their life back. The work in ACT is to help clients live now, along with these experiences.

It's challenging for me. There's pain with avoidance, yes my life has shrunk a whole bunch, but there's also pain of being overly-triggered (when it's dangerous for that to happen if in the wrong circumstances), or worse, which is being re-victimized in serious ways.

the rape victim who stops having relationships because “all men are dangerous”,

I have to assume that they are all "potentially dangerous", even though I can know theoretically and probability-wise, they're not ALL dangerous.

But I'm more at risk for being re-victimized because of my symptoms, e.g. dissociating in the face of threat, freezing when the situation warrants that I fight and get away-- and this is because it has happened, on a few occasions, post-being sick with the ptsd. Even though I faced it and said no and fought and "do I need to ask you to leave, or can you have some self-control" (when I should have said, "get the heck out of here or I'm calling the cops")-- I was too trusting in the first place, that they could have self-control and take responsibity for their own self-control.

It's not just fear, but also dissociation, when my attempts to stop things have failed and then I hate myself for not being tougher. I have a right to fight violence with force as necessary to protect myself, on the other hand, it can be turned around and I get sued or charged for defending myself. If I knock him with that lamp to get him to stop, he might have to go to the hospital-- they're totally situations I need to avoid. What do those situations do to my recovery.

I tried the thinking before, well I need to socialize, this is no good hiding among 4 walls. Right, lets get out and socialize, and lets do volunteer work and I've walked into some really bad situations. I hate having to be apologetic for being self-protective. Oh, no that's okay, I don't need a ride (I'm not taking a ride from a male, if I'm alone in the car [different if they're with a wife or something]-- they have way too much power that way). Or being friendly, yeah okay you can come over here and pick up some paint, but could you just wait in the lobby for me (but they don't, they walk up to my apartment, and to be 'polite' I allow them in) and they start pulling stuff. A friendly hug does not mean, an invitation to rape-- back off, get away from me. There's way too many with ulterior motives. They think rape is the way to get a 'girlfriend'-- twisted.

Then I warn the supervisors at the volunteer place about this volunteer, be careful, he needs supervision around women (cause there were likely other vulnerable women who were also volunteering). . . it was for a yearly event, preparations for a week, set up etc. I try to do the right thing, look out for others. . . But the coordinators were sort of like husband and wife-- and because he showed compassion, the wife starts behaving jealously and then that becomes completely toxic. I broke down and cried, bad, got too much empathy and I had to pay for that too. It's nuts out there. Problematic because we were socializing, so the boundaries were blurred. . .? (but no interest in her old man, no way)-- and it's so ironic because I totally have respect for other people's relationships, I don't mess with them. I've been 100% consistent, but I'm treated like I"m some sort of vixen-- it's 100% their projections. I'm not allowed to show any personality, express a sense of humour (and it's always clean, I mostly make fun of myself-- I don't target others and I don't use humour related to sexuality and I ignore that type of humour when it comes up. I even confront when it's not appropriate and remind about being a role model, 'lead by example'-- and I also confronted that after the rape, because there was humour before that could have affected this sort of twisted person. . . too psychotic [but not diagnosed]to differientiate humour and what are harmful attitudes and conduct). Worked outside, enjoying the work, laughed and joked, careful because if not paying attention can get injured or someone else get injured-- laugh, "good thing I caught that on time-- Homer Simpson "DUH"). Sometimes things worked out, working and having fun, all clean, respect is maintained. I have a personality a tendency to smile, be cheerful and it's that way towards most people, it's not a flirting thing, goes all directions, young old, women, men, kids, whatever-- because I'm also able to enjoy the present moment and others company to a degree.

Have to have good grounding and good solid judgment at all times. Strong sense of boundaries and recognize others who are not well differientated and who themselves have boundary confusion-- avoid work places like that, be very discerning. Be aware of threats, but don't panic, take action to keep myself safe always. Be assertive, say no earlier-- with no apologies, no guilt.

I've avoided like the combat veteran too. When I got sick, I had already dropped friendships because I was needing more energy that was being sucked away by my disorder while I was trying to hang on to functioning school, work, but I lost it all. Breakdown in the university environment, "why don't you read Nietsche" yeah, that helps. There are a chitload of symptoms to deal with. I can't stand being vulnerable in front of others or when flashback happens and losing control of that. I had a bad experience in a meditaiton class (engaged buddhism), it veered away from mindfulness meditaiton to a 'dharma talk" and the intructor told a very triggering story. And I'm trying to keep focussed, block out my own story lines, re-focus on teh present moment, oh there's a flashback, that's okay, breath and refocus, but 45 minute talk about a subject area I have too much personal experience with and across time, my brain was starting to fry. I excused myself quitely, tried to ground and breathe more, splash face with water, returned, it kept going, and I wound up with a mini-meltdown in front of others and I haven't been back since.

It's hard to go back, because people will remember, some will have 'pity' and I don't like that (cause there's resentment on the other side4 of that, or it's forced and not genuine, or whatever). Others, reaching out, but fear of their agendas-- 'no, I don't want to be friends, I don't want my life invaded, by someone who's pretending to care, thinks they even care, but are deluding themselves and given a chance, they'll take and crush and resent. I wasn't prepared for that kind of 'dharma talk', my agenda was for the meditation, for the grouding, but this wasn't classic zen-mindfulness meditaiton, not good for me. It's not good footing for an equality-based relating. It can get toxic, pity-- they're superior to me, but then when I try to build up, they resent it, they want me back down to where I belong. It feels always like trap. It's better to walk away and try something else, start off fresh. I have a hard time believing in the better nature of mankind. I'm not the only one who is sick, I'm sick, I get immobilized, they're sick, and they're looking to displace it onto others (to hide from themselves, their darker natures, etc.)

But trying to get out and discovering these things, maybe I can still build up to become stronger, so maybe it's a benefit-- as long as I don't neglect my physical safety ever-- I can handle the other stuff. I can get out, knowing I always have the right to walk away-- at anytime. And so what, that's just a start, I'm a far way from perfect and I have have to start somewhere and re-start and whatever, hopefully the momentum can shift.

 

[Daniel E.]

I would just add this point about PTSD:

This powerful demand that trauma must never again occur...leads to the antiempirical "automatic" belief that they will probably occur.

Overcoming Destructive Beliefs, Feelings, and Behaviors: New Directions for Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

---------- Post added at 12:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:51 AM ----------

Also:

Cognitive-Behavioral Conceptualization of Trauma Response

 

[Justaday]

I'm aware of cognitive distortions. I'm not saying that bad things will happen, but I am saying I need to be prepared. It's not a single trauma-- multiple traumas, multiple assaults-- it's hard for me to believe the world is safe out there (believe, I tried to believe, and it set me up for serious harm, by throwing 'care to the wind'). Some of it has been bad luck, a lot of it has been, simple "wrong place wrong time", victim of crime, crimes of opportunity. So, I have to plan carefully, because I want to reduce the risks of being victimized again.

It's hard-- I've been the victim of random stranger assault, not once, but twice-- just walking home. One was after work, another time-- I was followed off the bus (late at night, yes-- and in wintertime), and dragged behind a garbage dumpster and sexually assaulted-- I had to fight hard.

Social interactions-- maybe it's not just me with the 'cognitive distortions', I have to consider the cognitive distortions of others, particularly men and this rape culture. What does it communicate to them, say, being invited to dinner at their place-- wrong-- bad decision-- they're not just thinking friendship, I can't globally assume that all men want friendship. Just because I'd like to believe that others would respect my boundaries, does not mean that they will respect my boundaries. I've learnt that over-trusting is a cognitive distortion, to have a global sense that people are basically decent people and never have ulterior motives.

I paid the price several times over, being overly trusting, and blaming everything on my wrong perceptions-- that it must be my PTSD going on-- well, I've been wrong-- I should have trusted my instinct and got the heck out of a few situations before they became physically threatening. I've had to take a good close look at the abuser MOs-- I watch for those signs-- I need to believe that I can trust myself, that if I'm in a bad situation, I can trust myself to pull myself out of it before I get assaulted. I need to be strong enough to not allow myself to be manipulated, or overly trusting-- I have a child part that's trusting, open-hearted, over-kind, polite-- I need to make sure my 'protector part' is activated as well, to judge and discern situations better. I have to have a clear sense when others are attenmpting to manipulate me through my better nature. I'm a nice person, a caring person and if I'm not careful, I get walked over-- and when I'm walked over, others act as if they can keep taking, keep pushing. I really don't think enough people were raised properly to have respect for others.

I'm aware of some damaging "core beliefs", which survival guilt seems to be at that core-- a sense of over-responsibility for others-- I can get lost in worry about others, and sociopathic types know how to manipulate this. Totally need to use caution around anyone with an addiction problem, or any other sort of toxic thing that can bring too much drama into my life. I don't need that crap, I was raised in it (so it's triggering, risks of becoming dissociative-- and when dissociative, I loose my capacity to protect myself-- so I have to be really in-tuned with what's going on with me and what's going on around me).

The way to get out there is to be able to convince myself that I am strong enough to protect myself should situations alert me to that need. Recognize when things are toxic and don't stick around for things to get worse.

For me, it's got to be baby steps, I need more experiences of safe experiences.
Sometimes I am strong. Saw a group of teens throwing rocks at ducks a few days back, I was disgusted by it and I did approach them, confront it-- it's not funny to be trying to kill animals-- it's not a game. I handled it well, no fear, assertively. I sense some sense of shame, some hope they weren't totally sociopathic.

I also do live close to the projects, so there really are little pukes running around with guns-- that's a fact of this neighbourhood. There's gang stuff going on. There's major drug problems. In fact, there was a double homicide in my building's lobby a few years back. Another neighbour had been threatened by a gun, at the coffee shop across the street-- just a kid, wanting to show off that he's got a piece. I can sometimes trust my intuition, like kid sneaking up behind me-- I felt that, so I turned around and directly faced him and he changed his course in direction. There's crack addicts all over the damn place-- it's an epidemic-- looking for opportunity to rob. Damn right I'm going to be aware of all my directions, North, South, West, East-- very aware of my surroundings.

I don't feel this all the time, but I have learnt to trust my instincts-- both times I had been assaulted by strangers, I had an instinctual sense, "watch this guy, he's a bit off". Or the guy who followed me off the bus, and I had slipped on the ice and he came out, oh, are you okay, then he was trying to lead me into a dark part of a parking lot and I got assertive, "no that's okay, I'm fine, I have to go this way. . .". My intuitive inner voice warned me, 'what if he shows up on the other side of the mall (unavoidable, I had to get to that path to get home) and then I told myself, "no that can't be, I'm just being paranoid", well sure enough it was exactly what he did (and he grabbed, even though I turned around to confront, because I heard him come up behind me, he grabbed, got me into a hold I couldn't get out of, and dragged me behind the garbage dumpster and started assaulting me).\

It's not all in my mind, when the world can be a dangerous place and for some messed up reason, I seem to get targetted, more so that probabilities should indicate.

Men do try to manipulate, to get me alone. Another 'friend' from a volunteer place, inviting me to come visit 'up north'-- cottage-- yeah, well I don't have wheels, so I don't have power to leave if I'm not comfortable. Says his female cousin will be there (and she'll drive me home. . .)-- well what if I go and she's not there. . . and I'm trapped and I can't get away (take my chances hitch-hiking. . .?). All friendly, acting as if we can 'just be friends', but alone, the story tends to change. So, no, I will not put myself at unnecessary risk (as much as I would just love to be at a cottage). I have to stay prepared when people manipulate, change the story around and the agreement around.

It would be a wonderful world, if everyone could just abide by the 'golden rule'-- but just because I might try to abide by the 'golden rule', doesn't not mean that others do likewise (that would be a mistaken belief, egocentric-- if I'm trustworthy, respectful-- others are too-- NOT-- sick society, there's more sociopathy, it seems rampant-- maybe because I've been too close to the 'projects', isolated by poverty and disconnection to mainstream, and due to disability, no safe heathy family members. . . except my brother, and he's equally displaced-- works too many hours to even have a social life, just to hang on to a job, keep stable employment-- after having to start all over, from his hiatus)-- and that's where I'm at a real disadvantage, is if I mistakenly believe others are 100% trustworthy. I've literally been shocked out of my mind, intense betrayals, some of which have had real life-threatening results-- as a result of being globally trusting-- big mistake.

The work I have to develop is constant mindfulness about boundaries. "safe"; "safe with conditions"; "not safe at all" (not going to chance it). This applies to my travel routes; any future work places; people I meet-- it has to be this way.

Safe with Conditions: I will visit my friend downtown in a public place, but I will not go to his place for dinner-- NO. Another friend wants to go bike-riding, okay fine, but I'm not going to get manipulated into going back to his place. He can be clingy and needy, probably pressure me for a hug. . . I'm not going to do that, because I can't be sure he won't want anything else. I don't want to mislead. And saying NO, has got to be backed by actions, clear boundaries, always, because, yes, they can get really stupid ideas. I won't allow any stops in anywhere that could be isolated and away from public view. If he tries to stop at some place that I don't feel safe about, I'm going to keep biking. Too bad if that's taken as inconsiderate-- my safety is more important.

One of my 'friends' got it, I started avoiding, after the invite for dinner at his place-- just wasn't going to chance that-- I fell over with anxiety. It's happened before, just not able to call back. Wasnt' realistic about my fears, and when the time came, I fell apart, major panic attack, I couldn't go out and meet at agreed time, because he was trying to lure me back to his place to do 'gardening'-- sounds really nice and innocent, oh how I wish it could be-- the child part is like "yeah, alright, fun"-- but no, all the parts have to agree. I had buried my fear, wanted to beleive things could be safe-- I can't seem to fight that, and I don't know if I should. The other friend understood, he's gone through trauma and is very intuitive and understood my avoidance and seems to be okay about that and understands I have trust issues. I didn't even have to explain it-- that's kind of a relief and he seems to accept that, which is very kind and is still okay about contact, respecting my conditions, preferences, keep public. It was nice to not get attacked back, well 'you're just being paranoid, and what's wrong with you, you don't trust me. . ."-- yeah, heard that one before and the speaker was not trustworthy-- the behaviours were quite clear on that-- see it's not mind-reading cognitive thought distortion, when the behaviours clearly indicate otherwise (e.g. assaulting).

It's not all in my head, the world can be a very dangerous place if we're not careful, if we lose mindfulness about being aware of potential risks (risk factors-- e.g. being alone with a man-- that's 'opportunity'-- I'm not going to give anyone that). I keep my distance too, to prevent 'romantic idealization'. Cause even the one's on good behaviour, start resenting badly, because they were dishonest with themselves about being accepting about friendship-- they kept hopeful, "I did all the right things", "but didn't get what I want". . . and it's my fault they relapsed, because they didn't get what they wanted. . .

I don't have any women friends who are fit enough to go biking or hiking with me-- all four of my closest women friends have more serious health issues. I don't mind biking alone, on a planned route, familiar trail. I would love to be able to walk and take my time, and enjoy nature, but that's not 'safe enough'-- but recently I did bike by an area that's serene and seemed safe and knowing the times when enough people are there and not over-isolated a space. But my experience, it literally on takes seconds-- I discovered that on a 5 minute walk through school grounds/park, normally well travelled, but suddenly I was alone, and I panicked, and I hear the breathing behind me, I was ready to fight.

I've probably have had earlier childhood "martial arts training", my reflexes are pretty good. My intuition is sharp and attentive, as long as I have to wisdom to respect it. Accept that danger is out there, so that I am prepared. I used to think the danger only existed back from family of orgin, but that's not been true IME. Not talking about isolated incidences, the frequency indicates that there is a larger pattern, larger social problems, as it's defied normal 'probability measures'. There's been 'bad luck', unlikelihood of 'lightening striking twice' phenomenon: wrong place, wrong time. There are reasonable precautions I can take to also prevent being "in the wrong place, at the wrong time". I have tried to get into the Police training for women, again these things are hard to access. But I know as well, they give guidance re: reducing the risks of becoming a victim of crime. What's so crazy about not wanting it to happen again? Every year, a woman is assaulted on those bike paths, in this town. There are some patrols on it, I've heard, but they can't be everywhere at every place.

"To have healthy boundaries" is another task of PTSD recovery-- Pat Carnes' The Betrayal Bonds

 

[Daniel E.]

That does remind me of the Oprah-approved book The Gift of Fear.

But, of course, an anxiety disorder is more than just healthy fear:

Gavin deBecker in 'The Gift of Fear' delineates the difference between what we need fear FOR and what we DONT need anxiety and worry for. In some ways, the ability to use fear correctly while stopping the use of anxiety and worry may do much to curtail PTSD symptoms.

deBecker who is not a therapist but a Danger Anaylst has done what other therapists haven't even done--nix PTSD symptoms of anxiety and worry by focusing on true fear and it's necessity versus anxiety and it's faux meaning to us.

The Gift of Fear/The Curse of Anxiety - Psychology Today

 

[Justaday]

Thanks Daniel, I bookmarked the link and am going to see if I can find it and/or order it via the library-- it's what I need to get straight. A lot of fears are actually rational, and I need to make sure I'm alert and protecting myself. I have to accept the presense of these fears, it's when I don't that I can become immoblized-- when I just try to fast track and choose not too worry, that it will hit me at not good times, i.e. trying to get out the door when I'm not acknowledging my fear about a situation I'm facing.

Sometimes, yes, I do experience irrational fear, it's used to being treated a certain way and I get defensive, why I don't bother talking about my ptsd stuff in front of others in my lifeworld. I get mad at pop psychology-- oh "get over it", "that happened years ago", "think positive" (which is a good thing for many situations [for irratoinal fears, for example], but not when facing things that are of actual physical threat potential) -- minimizing the importance of self-protection to keep safe. I've been targetted in ways because of qualities that should normally be positive and an asset. . . It's a matter of utilizing the right tools which are appropriate to handling various contexts in healing and recovery and preventing re-victimization, where reasonably possible.


A lot of times, I want to think it's over, ptsd is gone and I can just go on with my life as if nothing has happened, but those are the times when I can be at more risk. I have to accept and not avoid my feelings, fear, anger (I stuffed both anger and fear in for a lot of years, total avoidance, afraid of becoming abusive-- which resulted in being overly passive, not assertive enough to keep myself safer from others who can be exploitive).

I'm going to look for that book, maybe it will helping re: sorting out coping plans, and being accepting and utilizing the feelings in a positive and self-empowering way, to keep myself present, and capable and confident in my abilities to keep myself safe, protect myself, be assertive with boundaries and know with confidence when it is actually appropriate.