PTSD - How common is this type of manifestation of symptoms?

[ladylore]

Please bear with me - I have a question and not sure of the wording to get across what I mean.

I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years back, and I have recently come out of a month and a half or so of a relapse in symptoms.

I was triggered in by some family issues in February and further triggered in March by something else. From early March until very recently I was afraid to leave my house, and couldn't on some days.

I was also afraid to eat the food in my house, do housework..... even bathing became a chore (of course I did it anyways). I was afraid to leave my house, then it went into something like I need to ask permission to leave my house. Wishing someone would physically come over to take me out.

But I also had that nagging (urge) that I needed permission to eat the food in my house and everything else, as if I was living in someone else's place.

I have dealt with this before, but not to this extent for a long time. Now that I am more on the other side I can talk about it.

But I am putting embarrassment aside and asking: Have any of you heard of this before - specifically with PTSD? If this has happened to others, how have you coped? Was there an explanation given to you about what was happening.

I am currently on the hunt for a psychiatrist for longer term therapy - so that angle is getting covered.

Hope this makes sense - if it doesn't, I will try to clarify if I can.

Thanks in advance all.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I also had that nagging (urge) that I needed permission to eat the food in my house and everything else, as if I was living in someone else's place.

Does that remind you of anything? A prior experience, not necessarily that specific act but the feeling of needing to ask permission for something basic?

Could it have been related to a fear of doing something wrong, especially something that might have endangered your safety? Sort of an OCD kind of anxiety?

 

[ladylore]

I know that I have had plenty of experiences growing up that I had to ask permission for everything.

It does feel OCD like. Usually, I can get it under control within a day or two. This time I forgot about the tools I had learned to deal with distress.

Many things have been explained to me: why certain symptoms happen, what part of the brain is involved and how to get it under control.

This has never been explained to me. Or maybe it has but I haven't grasped the explanation.

The embarrassment comes in when one day you see me and I am ok - I am handling things. Then almost overnight I need to ask permission to live basically.

I hope I haven't posted about this before. If I have, I apologize for bringing it up again.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

For anyone prone to OCD or OCD-like symptoms, or PTSD symptoms, or panic disorder, or any other anxiety-based condition, the symptoms are likely to become more pronounced (or to re-emerge temporarily if they were previously under control) at times of increased stress.

Taking a guess based on your brief description, it sounds like some of the feelings that emerged under the stress of renewed contact with your family created a sense of helplessness and poewerlessness, taking you back to an earlier time in your life when you were small and powerless, an old "solution" created by an old feeling. When one feels helpless, powerless, and lacking control over one's life, any OCD tendencies will be triggered, and similarly any PTSD symptoms will be retriggered.

Does any of this resonate at all for you?

 

[ladylore]

It does. I will give a better explaination what has been happening - tomorrow. It's getting a bit late.

Thank you Dr. B.

 

[Cat Dancer]

I was going to say, that sounds OCDish to me. I do have PTSD and OCD and what you wrote sounds very familiar. I don't know if it's the right way to deal with things, but I have to fight to force myself to do what I know I need to do, like bathing and eating and getting out of the house.

It's weird, I was going to post something about having issues with bathing and then I saw your post. It's hard, forcing yourself, fighting to do the simple every day things that most people do without a second thought.

I hope you can find a psychiatrist soon.

 

[Jazzey]

...I'm recognizing a few things here too...It does make sense LL. Right down to the last detail. Thanks for sharing it. It's easy sometimes to persuade myself that it's just my personality but maybe there's more to it. I'm sorry I don't have anything more constructive to add. But maybe recognizing it is a first step to breaking those cycles LL? :support:

 

[ladylore]

This means alot to me - So thank you. I am glad it makes some sense.

Some of you know my history, so that is why I didn't want to go into it. But what I will say, for you who don't know, is that I grew up mainly in foster homes and institutions (residential schools for persons with disabilities) for most of my life.

I have never been diagnosed with OCD. I have dealt with racing thoughts and urges to talk about the same things at nauseum in hopes to relieve the pressure building up in me.

The medication I take is Prozac and it has helped a great deal.

But, what has just happened hasn't happened in over a year - at least not to this magnitude. I was sure and hopeful that I had it all under control. It would not come back, with this much force again. Oh - well.

It's still a muddle for me - something I am still trying to make sense of.

Any and all insights, input are very appreciated.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

But, what has just happened hasn't happened in over a year - at least not to this magnitude. I was sure and hopeful that I had it all under control. It would not come back, with this much force again.

The stressors and triggers you have experienced recently were extraordinary and highly emotional. It doesn't mean that you're back to square one. The emergence of such symptoms even when they are normally well managed under conditions of high empoional stress is common and to be expected.

The positive lesson to take away from this is perhaps that in future when dealing with this magnitude of stress you may be able to anticipate and minimize the retriggering of your symptoms.

 

[white page]

You are awesome Robyn ,
To talk about how it really is , there is much of what you say which I relate to , Dr Baxter hit the nail on the head when he talked about the feeling of powerlessness and not belonging to oneself , at times of stress and emotional intensity , I do exactly as you do , these last couple of days have been exactly as you described (I stopped eating ). I am not appropriating your thread by talking about my experiences, I only wanted you to know that I do so very much understand .

There is a further point which I feel is of symbolic importance and helps me to a certain extent reclaim myself and my life .
I tell myself I am safe now. My house is my symbolic self and I have the right to do as I please. I don't have to fear any reprimand or anger if I stay a good long time in the bath , no one is going to throw out the posy of flowers perched precariosly in a place I like to put it . I can eat what food I like when I like .
And best of all: when I sleep , I am safe , cosy and really comfortable with enough covers and soft pillows .
Perhaps if you try the " I AM SAFE " affirmation many times a day, this may help a little .

my very best wishes wp

 

[ladylore]

Perhaps if you try the " I AM SAFE " affirmation many times a day, this may help a little .

Or paint it on my walls so I can see it at all times. Thanks WhitePage. I use this one alot. Unfortunately, when I needed it the most I completely forgot about it.

Great reminder.

 

[ladylore]

I had another thought/question WP. What you suggested works while you are in your house - but what do you do if you can't get out of your house either? For a while there I was scared to go out and then started to get the 'urge' that I needed ask permission to go out.

Kind of hard when you live by yourself and there is no one to ask.

 

[suewatters1]

Robyn I hope you don't mind me answering this. You can call somebody you trust or call the Hotline and talk to somebody there.

Sue

 

[ladylore]

Thanks Sue, but I am not in that kind of crisis. I do have a pretty good support team however.

 

[white page]

Well funny you should ask this , as I finally left the house today , as I am still officially on Holiday , it was a tremendous effort , so I prepared myself as if I was going to work, and this worked .

I know that when I have the 'permission' of a definate task , it is easier .
I broke out of my own prison on the way home , by taking a road I didn't know , driving through a valley parellel to mine , and a magical thing happened , a young deer skipped out on the road in front of me , I stopped the car , she turned her head .and we looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity . I remember thinking as we were still in eye contact , of how glad I was that I had forced myself out and into an unknown road.

All this to say that giving yourself a task to do for yourself outside, helps one to step out of that invisible but constraining self built prison .
When it was really bad at one time , I used to draw an imaginary circle on the floor with my foot , then step out of it , and draw another one , and so on, this got me out into the garden. I don't really recommend doing this in the street though

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Portions of this thread split to http://forum.psychlinks.ca/just-chat/17136-fun-with-ladylore.html

 

[ladylore]

Your comments have been and are appreciated. I don't feel so alone. I always thought it was just me, but by judging by the comments, I guess it's not.

For all you practitioner out there - Is this a common experience for people with PTSD? Is there a name for it? I have other questions but this is enough.

Yes - I seem to need to categorize and analyze this one. It helps me to know what I am dealing with.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't know of a name per se. In my experience, it's just a fact of life with anxiety-based disorders, part of the syndrome or condition.