Questions re: Why you may feel that people hate you

[canadian1]

Recently, I read another thread on this forum that was posted by someone who felt as though others hated him, even without any substantive evidence to prove this was the case.

This feeling is one that I have dealt with my entire life and now that I am in my mid-20's, I have noticed that the suspicion of being disliked by many is becoming more and more present in my daily thought process. I am not interested in delving into the possible reasons why some people may dislike me or if it's just a complete fabrication in my mind. I have a large group of guy friends, all of which I have suspected of hating me at some point in time. There have been several instances throughout the years where I wasn't invited somewhere, called out, or included in some kind of activity, which have made me feel extremely jaded and suspicious of everything and anything that they do. Constantly, I find myself feeling isolated from them, despite the fact that I spend time with them on a weekly basis.

My question for those of you who are knowledgeable about psychological disorders and conditions. Can you give me a list of possible reasons why someone might be confronting these feelings in their everyday lives; ie. Lack of self-confidence, bipolar disorder etc. I am very aware of how I feel and I am conscious of the fact that it is not normal for a person to go through this. As a result, I know there is some kind of underlying issue that probably needs to be addressed, whether it's a disorder or some kind of past experience that triggered this method of thinking, but I would just like to know what you guys think.

Thanks

 

[MHealthJo]

Sorry you've been going through this.

We don't suggest diagnoses here; we always encourage people to speak to a mental health professional in person. Thorough consultation is the only reliable way to find out what's happening and why.

As for a list of possible reasons, it would be quite long just going on this information. A mental health professional can ask the right questions so as to narrow things down for you and give the right advice.

 

[canadian1]

Well, I am not looking for any definitive diagnoses, I am looking for a list of possible reasons.

But thanks anyways =)

 

[forgetmenot]

AS said hun there are so many reasons for you to not trust other people you and your doctor who knows your past would be able to acknowledge what they are.
abuse of any kind bullying mental illness etc hun You know your past talk to a therapist your doctor see where all this is coming from

 

[W00BY]

Well through therapy I have found what you even suspect to be the reason may in fact be a contributing factor BUT usually the source turns out to be something else

That is why your question really doesn't have an answer as such

Other than there is much therapy and help for such stuff...

Social issues can be improved with (in particular) CBT therapies but really you need to be tackling why you feel this way with the help of the right therapist.

The way you feel is more common than you would think but the reasons for it are as wide as the ocean is deep.

My own personal reason was I felt more comfortable being hated and with the notion of people not liking me due to a very violent childhood.

There is lots of resources on the site that may help you gain some insight into why your question can't really have a definitive answer and also may shed light on the kind of therapy you would be comfortable with or information on books and articles that may be of use.

 

[Wolverine]

When i feel i hate my self how i can expect from others not to hate me too.

 

[icthus]

It is difficult for me to comment on your circumstances since all I know about you comes from your comments here.

The word "hated" may (depending on the case) be an emotionally laden term that does as much to bias the case as to describe it. Of course in some sense "hatred" of others may be an apt description insofar as we are all self-centered in many ways and degrees; even "benign neglect" may in this sense approach hate. But such ubiquitous "hate" may not be as egregious as the term normally implies, or it may simply be incorrect. Some of your friends in the past may have felt at a loss to know how to relate to you for all I know, or some may have been preoccupied with other priorities. Recognition one feels one deserves from others may be neglected for entirely legitimate reasons, or at least understandable ones, if one knew what the other was going through. Some of your friends may have been oblivious to the way you were reading their words and actions. It may be helpful to you--and granted maybe not--to remind you to be cautious in reading other people's motives and to use less emotion-charged language, e.g., you were "neglected" or "overlooked" rather than "hated."

But what if you are correct, at least in some cases of your experience? Unfortunately, hatred and abuse of others is a real part of our world.

You were hurt and hated in the past, perhaps by some major event(s) that colored your view of later events. You wrote you felt "extremely jaded and suspicious of everything and anything that [a particular set of friends did]"; this may suggest past emotional trauma or abuse. And over time, we tend to read the world based on our past interpretations of it. You may indeed need professional counseling to unpack and deal with your cumulative thoughts or traumatic past.

Whatever the causes of one's feelings--and I think everyone feels hated at times or in degrees--I for one need to consider how to live henceforth. Being patient with others and taking care to exercise the benefit of the doubt where possible may also. Treating others better than we feel we have been treated may also be part of the answer--and recognizing that another's hatred of me is the other person's problem, not mine. Recognizing the love of others where one reads it and recognizing the things for which one can be thankful may too. Recognizing where one has failed to care for others may too.

And for me, none of these things comes easily. You may find it helpful to be deliberate at least for a while in writing down negative thoughts and positive counter-thoughts. You surely don't want past abuse to define you.

But are there other possible causes of your feelings than a history of thoughts and feelings as you interact with your experiences? Possibly there may be physical or biological influences (for example--life is complex), but I am not competent to comment further, though I suspect the above is the more significant. Heaven help us!