More threads by Suezer


Hello, I am 36 yrs old. My husband recently passed away (April 2005) A man that I have known for a long time befriended me shortly after the death of my husband. Well, I woiuld go to dinner with him to relax ect, but I was really still hurting over my recent loss. Although this man is wonderful in many ways, I just want to reclaim my life, I explained to him that I am not ready for a relationship, yet I still think he thinks he will win me ..once I am ready.

I am just asking for some advise. I know he isn't the right person for me, and basically Now I am starting the long road it will take to heal from my grief, and I just want to enjoy life now, without feeling like theres someone waiting on me . I am overwhelmed enough, and is it really fair of him to expect a relationship or exclusivity at this early stage?

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Rebound relationship ,

It's not fair to you, that's for sure.

But at this point in your life, you need to worry about you and your feelings. You don't owe this man anything. He can sit and wait for the rest of his life, if he chooses to do so, but that is his choice, not yours. You're not obliged to do anything about that. You are not responsible for his decisions.

In essence, what you need to be doing right now is paying attention to you. Let him worry about him. And just be firm about your own needs and boundaries.


Rebound relationship ,

I agree with Dr. Baxter. If the man is putting pressure on you, you'll need to be firm with him. Let him know you're not ready for a relationship, and would like to be allowed to deal with your grief in your own way, and in your own time. If he can't respect your needs and wishes, he is not a true friend. Take care of yourself, hon.


Rebound relationship ,

"I explained to him that I am not ready for a relationship, yet I still think he thinks he will win me ..once I am ready. "

There are some people that don't get these messages easily and can think that they are helping your situation by 'hanging in the ethers' when they are really a hindrance because you feel some sort of pressure from them.

I was once in this sort of position upon the end of a long relationship and had to be very very clear, almost rude but not quite! If you know there is no future with this person - ever, tell him now : ) best of luck


Rebound relationship ,

Yeah it isn't fair I hope that you are able to sort this one out and tell him that you are not ready and have a lot going on right now, I wish you well.

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