Sad - To my therapist....

[Pheonix]

I have been seeing my therapist for over a year now and have never contacted them outside our monthly sessions. I felt so despondent at our latest session today that I felt I had to send them an e-mail. I am not even looking for a reply.

I don't feel at all understood by my therapist, I have no idea what my diagnosis is, though it seems sort of between PTSD and borderline, though its strange that all of my relationships are quite peaceful and people don't find me a pain in the a**. All I want is some hope that I can find a solution to the horrible way I feel in my life. I just cannot go on thinking there is nothing I can do. My therapist says we cannot change the way we are, I cannot accept this and want to prove her wrong, is it possible? or will I just fail and make myself more miserable?


Dear Dr ******,

I just felt I had to write a comment on our most recent session because I did not feel very happy or positive when I left, just only more confused after reflecting on your words.

I cannot conceive of ever being at a place where I have to accept myself as I am. I just do not like the way I am. You say a person cannot change their personality. Too bad I hate my personality, if I could kill off a part of my personality I would.

This personality is a fake, phony 2 dimensional construction. Could you be happy with a fake personality?. Could you be happy actually having no personality, just a construct you created to interact with others so they can find you acceptable?. I doubt it.

Would you be happy having your life ruled by fear, could you be happy and learn to accept living with a sense of an empty void in the middle of your personhood. Not me.

Its intolerable, I cannot accept it. I want to find a way to do something about it but not sure how.

I doubt you will be able to offer any advice that can help, since you seem sure that a person cannot alter their personality, only find ways to accept and live with it.

It reminds me of the old joke,
"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?",
"None! but they will be running courses on "How to cope in the Dark"

I don't want to live in the dark

from *******

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: Sad- To my therapist....

Hey I think talking to your therapist about you last session would be helpful in that he will see how you interpreted what was said to you and if indeed that what was meant. It is good to keep an open conversation as this will help give your therapist some direction in how to help you. I don't think he meant change is not possible I think he is saying one has to accept themselves and then change what it is they want to improve about themselves. I hope i am making sense. The only way to understand each other is to tell what is on your mind and hope by doing this misinterpretations can be cleared up. take care

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I agree with Violet. It is true that the core of one's personality or temperament doesn't change, or at least not very easily. It is also true that some things about ourselves we need to learn to accept and find ways to accomodate, e.g., if you are an anxious person, or a worrier, you are probably not going to change that basic aspect of your personality. But that doesn't mean that you cannot change certain things about how you react to stressors or triggers, or how you interact with people, etc.

I would suggest that you ask your therapist to clarify what exactly s/he said and what s/he meant by the comment.