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You may be interested in reading this article: What Are Suicidal Thoughts? What Is Suicidal Ideation?
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
"Ideation" is just the process of thinking ("idea"), so suicidal ideation means having thoughts of suicide, with or without intent to follow through on those thoughts.
I'm not having a good day at all. It's one of those days where everything just seems to keep going the wrong way. Plus I had an argument with someone,and I really lost my temper and said some pretty mean things. Actually,they were mean,but they were also the truth.Sometimes the truth hurts.
And afterwards,I had myself all worked up and was trying to calm down.I did all the things I have been taught and they didn't really help much.
But,then I started thinking about suicide again. When/where/how I would like to do it. And I felt instant peace inside. It was like a release or something. An end to everything that I have to deal with.A way out.A solution. The ultimate solution.
I feel so much better now.I feel so calm and peaceful. Even though I don't really have intentions of following through,I feel better because I don't feel so trapped in my life,this mess.And it makes me feel better that I really could do it,if I wanted to. And as long as there really is a way out,and I allow myself to think about it,plan it,etc.,it helps.
I feel like I'm so morbid.Like there is something very wrong with me to think and feel the way I do.
And afterwards,I had myself all worked up and was trying to calm down.I did all the things I have been taught and they didn't really help much.
But,then I started thinking about suicide again. When/where/how I would like to do it. And I felt instant peace inside. It was like a release or something. An end to everything that I have to deal with.A way out.A solution. The ultimate solution.
I feel so much better now.I feel so calm and peaceful. Even though I don't really have intentions of following through,I feel better because I don't feel so trapped in my life,this mess.And it makes me feel better that I really could do it,if I wanted to. And as long as there really is a way out,and I allow myself to think about it,plan it,etc.,it helps.
I feel like I'm so morbid.Like there is something very wrong with me to think and feel the way I do.
forgetmenot
MVP
I think it is because you feel you have some control back in your life you do not have either wise as you say they are just thoughts and as long as you do not act on them then that ok you are not morbid you are just wanting some kind of control that all i understand i do
I don't think you are morbid. I think it is a great idea to share your thoughts with us. It helps you get things out into the open instead of shelling them up inside you.
And you don't have to carry out the thoughts. That is a step in the right direction. Sounds like your therapist knows about it, so maybe just let him know when you have these feelings/thoughts, and what might trigger them. If the things he taught you didn't help, maybe let him know, and he could come up with an alternative.
But I am very happy to hear that you are so aware of these thoughts, and that just because you are thinking them, it doesn't mean you have to carry them out. ♥
And you don't have to carry out the thoughts. That is a step in the right direction. Sounds like your therapist knows about it, so maybe just let him know when you have these feelings/thoughts, and what might trigger them. If the things he taught you didn't help, maybe let him know, and he could come up with an alternative.
But I am very happy to hear that you are so aware of these thoughts, and that just because you are thinking them, it doesn't mean you have to carry them out. ♥
I just want someone to talk to right now,if that's okay.I'm sorry to sound needy,but I am just having a rough time at the moment.
I think I drank way too much,way tooo fastr and now I just feel like I cant breathe.I am having p[anic attacks while at the same time i fel like im giung to pass out
---------- Post Merged at 07:15 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:09 PM ----------
I'm such a loser for doing this tomyslf
I think I drank way too much,way tooo fastr and now I just feel like I cant breathe.I am having p[anic attacks while at the same time i fel like im giung to pass out
---------- Post Merged at 07:15 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:09 PM ----------
I'm such a loser for doing this tomyslf
Cat Dancer
MVP
You're not a loser. Lots of times we do stuff like this when we're trying to escape feeling or remembering or something painful. Are you by yourself?
i just get tired of all this ****.i get tired of waking up the morning asnd looking at notes I left myself the night before,telling mygself that i have a job,that i have to work,telling myself to take ahsower and wash my hair.i mean seriouslly,who has to do that kind of ****?
sometimes i just get tired of it all.i get tired of the dauly struggles.its all bullsht
---------- Post Merged at 07:21 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:19 PM ----------
yes im by myslef
sometimes i just get tired of it all.i get tired of the dauly struggles.its all bullsht
---------- Post Merged at 07:21 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:19 PM ----------
yes im by myslef
Cat Dancer
MVP
I am starting to have to make lists of stuff I need to do. It's tiring and annoying, but it helps me get through the day. It is hard though, each day, getting through. Don't give up though.
I agree with posting how you feel and their should be no shame or embarassment ... Its how you feel..... keeping things bottled in is what creates stress and unease. I for one like this forum to just write what bothers me and never do I feel it is wrong. I would sometimes get huge rushes of stress and anxiety. What I find works is to do some very deep breathing and to only focus on the breathing. Positive in and visualize negatives out. While taking these very deep breaths I would appreciate the air that feeds my whole body. Easier said then done but most times this works when you start believing it will. I noticed when Im anxious Im not fully breathing.
Good luck
Good luck
I'm sorry!
I sholndt have been drinking and psoting. I am going to take a break from this place and hopefully be back when I get myself tgogether.
---------- Post Merged at 10:23 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:40 PM ----------
I have pretty much sobered up now,and I feel like such an idiot.
I'm sorry,I truly am.
Thanks for everyone that has been nice(and tolerant),I appreciate it.Thanks for all the times everyone has helped me when I needed it.I'm sorry that I just can't seem to get myself together and no matter how hard I try I just seem to struggle endlessly.
I do think it's time I stop coming here.But I wanted to say thanks first.
I sholndt have been drinking and psoting. I am going to take a break from this place and hopefully be back when I get myself tgogether.
---------- Post Merged at 10:23 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 09:40 PM ----------
I have pretty much sobered up now,and I feel like such an idiot.
I'm sorry,I truly am.
Thanks for everyone that has been nice(and tolerant),I appreciate it.Thanks for all the times everyone has helped me when I needed it.I'm sorry that I just can't seem to get myself together and no matter how hard I try I just seem to struggle endlessly.
I do think it's time I stop coming here.But I wanted to say thanks first.
forgetmenot
MVP
It takes time ok no one is mad at you so you do not have to be sorry hun. I do hope you do take time to get help for you so you do not have to use alcohol to cope
We all struggle and fall backwards at times then we pick ourselves up and move forward again. No one judges you here hun ok hugs toyou
We all struggle and fall backwards at times then we pick ourselves up and move forward again. No one judges you here hun ok hugs toyou
Please do not feel bad or stupid or anything LIT!!
One of the things that we all struggle with is habits that don't help, and none of us is totally perfect and never falls back to the wrong behaviour ever.
It's just one of those ongoing things unfortunately.... we just have to get up each day and try to do the things that will help us, and try again to not do the things that don't help us.
It is tiring and that's why you need support and friends around you and a place that will be positive and supportive to just keep doing it, keep making the connections that help you more and more, keep seeing the triggers and learning how to avoid them a little more, keep finding new options of what to do instead.
So don't leave, you are our friend and we would miss a friend not coming in to Psychlinks anymore.
One of the things that we all struggle with is habits that don't help, and none of us is totally perfect and never falls back to the wrong behaviour ever.
It's just one of those ongoing things unfortunately.... we just have to get up each day and try to do the things that will help us, and try again to not do the things that don't help us.
It is tiring and that's why you need support and friends around you and a place that will be positive and supportive to just keep doing it, keep making the connections that help you more and more, keep seeing the triggers and learning how to avoid them a little more, keep finding new options of what to do instead.
So don't leave, you are our friend and we would miss a friend not coming in to Psychlinks anymore.
Have you noticed, L.I.T.... Do you seem to have these feelings in cycles? Maybe something is imbalanced... When you feel good for a while and then start feeling bad for a while and it seems like a cycle, there could be something you could do by telling a physician or a psychiatrist/psychologist...
On the other hand, if certain things trigger these episodes of darkness, it's your job to mention them to your therapist rather than forget about them.
You may benefit from jotting down in a journal what it is that happens when you become so sad/angry. Because then you will remember what may have triggered your feelings/behaviours, or notice if your feelings/behaviour come in cycles.
For example... "Had argument today."
"Felt guilty about what I said in the argument, but it was the truth."
"Something is wrong, not sure why but I feel horrible."
"Decided to drink to numb feelings."
"Shared my feelings with my forum."
"Decided not to call my therapist because now feeling better."
If you took that to your appointment with your therapist he would be able to ask you about each entry and note the date/time of day, and perhaps help you realize or learn new ways to deal with or understand your situation. Perhaps if it happens almost all the time around a certain time of the month, or if he or you notice, hey, you're getting a deep sadness almost every 4-6 weeks. What's going on there?
Hope everything works out for you LIT. ♥
On the other hand, if certain things trigger these episodes of darkness, it's your job to mention them to your therapist rather than forget about them.
You may benefit from jotting down in a journal what it is that happens when you become so sad/angry. Because then you will remember what may have triggered your feelings/behaviours, or notice if your feelings/behaviour come in cycles.
For example... "Had argument today."
"Felt guilty about what I said in the argument, but it was the truth."
"Something is wrong, not sure why but I feel horrible."
"Decided to drink to numb feelings."
"Shared my feelings with my forum."
"Decided not to call my therapist because now feeling better."
If you took that to your appointment with your therapist he would be able to ask you about each entry and note the date/time of day, and perhaps help you realize or learn new ways to deal with or understand your situation. Perhaps if it happens almost all the time around a certain time of the month, or if he or you notice, hey, you're getting a deep sadness almost every 4-6 weeks. What's going on there?
Hope everything works out for you LIT. ♥
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