More threads by haunting

haunting

Member
I find myself to be so frustrating. I had found a therapist who was truly wonderful. But this fear as I sat in his office just took control. As many times as I had seen him, liked him...I kept panicking. And this has been my history with every other counselor, doctor etc.

I get this feeling, like the walls are coming closer and going to squish me. I feel a need to run as fast as I can. But with this t, I was able to tell him that I was feeling this way. He helped me through this yet I still had that uncomfortable feeling of panick or fear.

So I was scared yet wanted to be in that office. How can that even make sense. I did not think he would harm me. Yet when he had slid his chair close to me to show me something on paper: aaahhhh, I felt my body tighten. I wanted to tell him to back away, but felt silly. My stomach kept churning and I don't think I heard much of what he was telling me.

So I get mad at myself and let go. I quit therapy. How can I go for therapy when I feel trapped. It makes me physically ill. Last time I thought I was going to throw up yet our appointment was not all that bad. I was able to finally tell him some things that I have never told a soul. So why would I feel like being ill? I don't get it at all and I feel really hopeless with the thoughts of ever getting better. I can't even sit in someone's office for an hour and a half, someone I really like, without feeling this gross sensation of fear. Now I feel like a complete failure once again.

I am angry at myself for giving up like this. Why am I like this, I don't understand.

Haunting
 

haunting

Member
I am not too sure what brings these feelings on. But its the same in the doctor's office as well. It is almost like this feeling of, if I don't run then something really bad is going to happen. And thats just bazarre. I mean nothing bad will happen in their offices yet I can't help this thought or feeling. It is one of the things that prevent me from being able to help myself.

Haunting
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Haunting, I would suggest you do is either tell your therapist about this or write a letter to your therapist, explaining what you felt, especially when he moved his chair closer. The first thing the two of you need to address is this anxiety/fear but it can be done. Once you get past this barrier, you can get to the more basic issues.
 

haunting

Member
Yes, I should have said something. And I do hope he will take me back, I need him!!!!

No, I don't really feel this way in other circumstances unless my ex husband is anywhere near me. Same type of feelings. And sometimes when my dad is around. I guess I was embarrassed and did not want to offend him with telling him how I felt when he got a little to close.

I find it strange though. I mean he is such a wonderful man then this fear kept taking over: I backed off which was not the answer. I will call him tomorrow.

Haunting
 

ThatLady

Member
I doubt that your therapist will be offended if you tell him the truth of how his closeness made you feel, hon. They're accustomed to dealing with each of our idiosyncracies, and know that people react differently to different things, depending on their history. Telling him how you feel will only help him to help you.
 

haunting

Member
I left him a message tonight, asking him to call me. I let him know that I will be going into hospital and that I would really like to meet with him again.

I hope I did not tick him off. I pushed hard, maybe too hard.

Haunting
 

free

Member
maybe you're afraid of the intimacy in these situations, the one-on-one, the closeness?
 
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