I find myself to be so frustrating. I had found a therapist who was truly wonderful. But this fear as I sat in his office just took control. As many times as I had seen him, liked him...I kept panicking. And this has been my history with every other counselor, doctor etc.
I get this feeling, like the walls are coming closer and going to squish me. I feel a need to run as fast as I can. But with this t, I was able to tell him that I was feeling this way. He helped me through this yet I still had that uncomfortable feeling of panick or fear.
So I was scared yet wanted to be in that office. How can that even make sense. I did not think he would harm me. Yet when he had slid his chair close to me to show me something on paper: aaahhhh, I felt my body tighten. I wanted to tell him to back away, but felt silly. My stomach kept churning and I don't think I heard much of what he was telling me.
So I get mad at myself and let go. I quit therapy. How can I go for therapy when I feel trapped. It makes me physically ill. Last time I thought I was going to throw up yet our appointment was not all that bad. I was able to finally tell him some things that I have never told a soul. So why would I feel like being ill? I don't get it at all and I feel really hopeless with the thoughts of ever getting better. I can't even sit in someone's office for an hour and a half, someone I really like, without feeling this gross sensation of fear. Now I feel like a complete failure once again.
I am angry at myself for giving up like this. Why am I like this, I don't understand.
Haunting
I get this feeling, like the walls are coming closer and going to squish me. I feel a need to run as fast as I can. But with this t, I was able to tell him that I was feeling this way. He helped me through this yet I still had that uncomfortable feeling of panick or fear.
So I was scared yet wanted to be in that office. How can that even make sense. I did not think he would harm me. Yet when he had slid his chair close to me to show me something on paper: aaahhhh, I felt my body tighten. I wanted to tell him to back away, but felt silly. My stomach kept churning and I don't think I heard much of what he was telling me.
So I get mad at myself and let go. I quit therapy. How can I go for therapy when I feel trapped. It makes me physically ill. Last time I thought I was going to throw up yet our appointment was not all that bad. I was able to finally tell him some things that I have never told a soul. So why would I feel like being ill? I don't get it at all and I feel really hopeless with the thoughts of ever getting better. I can't even sit in someone's office for an hour and a half, someone I really like, without feeling this gross sensation of fear. Now I feel like a complete failure once again.
I am angry at myself for giving up like this. Why am I like this, I don't understand.
Haunting
