Should I be sad or happy

[rachel24]

Hello,

I really need some help. Im 24 and have been with my husband for 3 years now. During my childhood i was happy and active girl but one moment when i was about 16 i started to feel that im ugly and fat and no one likes me as a girlfriend (because some people told me this and i believed them). After highschool i became very shy and didnt go out, i had few friends to be with but overall i was all the time alone because i felt so insecure. I didnt go partying or going out with guys. i was just all the time after university at home.

When i was 21 i met with my first and only boyfriend who i really love (through internet), i have been in love before also but that was different. He had had many girlfriends before me and had lots of fun too but for me he was really first.Everything was great for 2 years- we got married and live happily but i start to feel worse. I feel im so old and best times of my life are over. I feel i totally missed important part of my life (16-22), this time when others went out with boys, went to parties, just did everything they like, overall enjoyed being young. I never did that.

My husband knows about that and says we can do all these things together now but i dont want to do it with him (we go out sometimes and he really tries his best but thats not making me feel good).Like i said i feel im far too old for these things now. I wish i could feel again 17 and feel good and do these things without him. I definitely dont want to leave him and i dont need to flirt with other men. Is hard to describe what i want but i know i have to do something. Its really destroying my life.

 

[ladylore]

Re: should i be sad or happy

Hi Rachel - Welcome to Psychlinks :welcome:

Sounds like your going through alot right now. But feel free to browse the site and do a bit of reading - there are many great sections dealing with self-esteem, different types of therapies and many others.

I am glad you found us.

 

[stargazer]

Welcome, Rachel. Most people here are really nice, and I think you'll find a lot of support here if you stick around. There are also a lot of great articles here, and if you have been to the section on shyness and social anxiety, you'll find a lot of useful information. I hope we can be of help!

 

[Messiahmonkey]

Hi Rachel,

Unfortunatly we get older and usally we don't do the things we did when we were younger, I've been through the mill to, i'm 39 divorced with one daughter in which i have not seen for like 12 years.

Rachel all you can really do is not look back at your life, but forward, keep looking ahead for the things your would like to strive to obtain or do, for me, i'm looking forward into the future as to when i will have enough money to save to buy a camper to travel, but this for me will take a few yeas as i'm only on a pension, hopefully at least one of you are working therefore it will be easer to save for the things you would like.

This for me is the only thing that's really keeping me going, it's the only interest i have at the moment, saving money, i don't do much else at all, i usally spend most of my hours of the day in bed, i do this to kill time, pretty boring huh, and you thought you had it bad..lol


any more question, please ask..

Kind Regards
Ron

 

[Into The Light]

hi rachel, first i just want to say welcome to the forum :wave4:

i am sorry to hear you're having such a hard time right now. one thing that stood out in your message is you saying you feel so old and that you've missed the best time in your life. when i was younger i too seemed to have this idea in my head too that the best time of my life was supposed to be age 16-20. i don't really know why because it doesn't make any sense. those are transitional years from being a child to becoming an adult and that is not easy. in my personal experience, being an adult has been better and more fun than being a teenager. what i am trying to get at is this: your best years aren't over. they're only just beginning.

that being said, i do understand you are sad and you feel like you've missed out on an essential part of life, this experience you feel you should have had but didn't. maybe what you are going through is some sort of grieving for what could have been but wasn't. maybe you are grieving for how you felt those years because of what others told you. maybe you are hurting for that person you were then.

if any of this seems to make sense to you and it does feel like a real loss to you, you may want to work with it by journaling or maybe there are other ways to honour this loss.

i hope this helps you a bit in figuring things out.