• Quote of the Day
    "Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair."
    George Burns, posted by David Baxter

HotthenCold

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2007
Messages
206
Points
16
Hi there,

I'm having a lot of relationship issues right now that I don't think my g/f is fully aware of, and I am really torn of wheter or not to break up with her.
There are a lot of reasons that I think it might be the best idea, but everytime I start to think about it as if I'm going to do it I'm filled with fear of losing her. Obviously that sounds hypocritical since I would be the one making the break.
The reasons I feel like maybe I should break it off are:
1) she's a few years younger than me and is going to be a lot more successful than me, which causes me to feel inadequate, which is something I'd rather not put myself through at a time when I'm trying to turn my life around and be successful and happy myself.
2) I can't seem to stop being jealous. I'm less jealous than I used to be because I realize what a destructrive, useless,ugly, and petty emotion it is, but I can't seem to fully curb my jealous inclinations, which leads me to two conclusions, the first that maybe i can't fully trust her and two that since jealousy requires possessiveness, and love doesn't know possession, than maybe I don't really love her. I feel that since i'm responsible for my jealous feelings than I'm also in control of them, and a break up is possibly the only way to be rid of them.
3) I'm really starting to find some confidence in myself and some direction, and I do often fantasize about the freedom I would have if I were single. Freedom with the little things, such as following whatever impulse I have to go do something fun, or whatever (she's very type "A" and does not seem to like my more impulsive side), not just freedom to see other women.
4) Though we've been together for 3 1/2 years we both know we're not ready for marriage and are very upfront about our desire to enjoy our twenties. This is cool im some respects, but also make me feel like maybe I should just end it now, not because i want to be married, but because the thought of her having fun with other men in the future is very painful, and probably somewhat selfish.

Since I'm asking this at all, and since I have so many reasons it might seem like I already know the answer is "yes" i should break up, but I really don't know since any serious thoughts of breaking it off area followed by a voice in my head saying "what the hell would you do that for? you love her and she loves you and it's great"

Thanks for taking the time to read this!!!
 

ladylore

Account Closed
Joined
Jul 7, 2007
Messages
3,855
Points
0
Sounds like you have made up your mind already. :)

Sometimes even when we love someone they may not be the best person to be in a relationship with - platonic frienships are just as valuable, only a bit different as all the stuff that happens because of a sexual relationship, doesn't happen.

Its great that you have recognised the the jealousy part. Your right - jealousy has nothing to do with love. Jealousy is basically possession not love. I'm glad your recognized that one.

Good luck with everything
 

lallieth

Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2007
Messages
831
Points
16
Being in a good relationship means bringing out the best in each other,being able to trust the other person,with your concerns,desires and most intimate feelings.Love isn't always enough.Two people can love each other,but simply cannot get along,do not have the compatibility to make an effort in the relationship.

If you are feeling inadequate right now in your relationship,then that may lead to resentment later on.You have to ask yourself " Am I IN love with her,or simply love her,because that is what I have felt for the past few years and its now comfortable and secure.

Do you picture yourself with this woman later on in life,building a life/family with her?Do you share the same goals,do you want the same things in life?

I do think though you did answer your own question :)
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
36
it sounds like you are quite conflicted about what to do. in the end i think only you can really decide what you truly want.

i do agree that the jealousy is unhealthy, however i suspect it doesn't have anything to do with her but that it may be some form of insecurity in you? do you think the jealousy would be there no matter who you were with?

i think some soul searching and really listening to yourself, to what you feel deep down inside may give you the answer you are looking for.
 

HotthenCold

Member
Joined
Sep 12, 2007
Messages
206
Points
16
ya, the jealousy would be there no matter what. That's actually another reason I thought of breaking it off, since I have to really figure out what the cause of my jealousy is so that it doesn't taint my life anymore.
Thanks for your responses, it's very kind of you all to take time to read and respond to me.
 
Joined
Jun 11, 2006
Messages
5,390
Points
36
i don't know what it's like in your shoes, so please do take any advice with a grain of salt :) here's my take.

what if you tried to work on the issue of jealousy? it seems to me that if this is going to be an issue for you, regardless of who you are with, then this would be a bad reason to break it off, and shouldn't be in your list of why to break up. instead, i think it would benefit you to work on the issue of the jealousy. should you end up feeling you need to end the relationship for other reasons, then that's fine, but if you work on the jealousy issue you have a much happier future ahead of you, regardless of who you are in a relationship with.

as for her being younger than you and expecting her to be more successful than you, in what way do you feel she'll be more successful? and why couldn't you both be successful? and wouldn't you be happy for her that she's doing well? that's the great thing about being with someone you love, you get to share these kinds of things, there is no envy there. if there is, you need to get to the root of that envy, and figure out why you feel that way. if you can't be happy for her it will indeed lead to resentment, on both your parts.

i do understand you are young and that you might not want to be with this particular person for the rest of your life. i think that would be perfectly natural and it's up to you to figure out what you want.

i hope i haven't confused matters more for you. let us know what you think :)
 

Top Bottom