So depressed again

[pocono]

I'm so depressed again. Long session with T. today. I couldn't figure out how to contract for safety, so sat in his office while he saw his next patient. Then came up with the idea of contracting until 9:00 p.m. tonight, when he will call. Decided i could make it until then with lots of distractions, things to do. Now it is nearly 8:30. I wait for his call and can only think about killing myself. Not sure I can make another contract, but definately don't want to go to the hospital. Posting is a tactic.....not sure it will work either.

 

[Into The Light]

posting is good. whatever it takes to keep you safe.

does your husband know how you are feeling?

 

[pocono]

He knows I'm pretty down but he doesn't know I'm suicidal.

 

[Into The Light]

pocono how are you doing today? did your therapist's call last night help?

 

[pocono]

Well.....I just returned from a four day hospital stay. This time I went in before I attempted anything dangerous. I feel better now, calmer and not suicidal, so I guess it worked.

Just wish I could get on the other side of this persistent depression. Being depressed is depressing!

 

[Cat Dancer]

Just wish I could get on the other side of this persistent depression. Being depressed is depressing!

I believe you will get to the other side one day.

Glad you were able to get some help and that you're feeling better.

 

[Into The Light]

i am glad you have stayed safe and that your stay at the hospital has helped. is there any follow-up treatment plan in place?

 

[pocono]

Thanks CatDancer and Into the Light.

I already saw my therapist once today and I will see him again on Friday. One of the difficult questions I was asked at the hospital was "what needs to change in your life". I could not think of anything. I have a good and fulfilling job, a wonderful husband and three beautiful sons. I have a good and faithful therapist and I think I'm on the right medications. So......how to improve the depression is perplexing.

I said to my therapist today that it feels like the job is to defuse the past and the present so that there is space, time, healing that can and has occurred between the two......don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but that feels like the task.

 

[Into The Light]

follow your instinct on that. if that is what it feels like, then that is probably what needs to be done.

 

[Noughts]

Is there something hanging on your mind or... you're just depressed?

I feel your pain, buddy. It took a long time for me to recover... I didn't see any possible triggers that time, either.

So you're on the right medications... No hormone imbalances? And especially no thyroid problems, am I right? You weren't exposed to something that could trigger hormone imbalances, were you?

 

[suewatters1]

I think I understand what you are saying. I think your saying you want to forget about the past and the present have all those thought disappear for a while so you can take mental break from everything almost like Calgon take me away moment and recharge the battery in your mind.

If I am wrong please correct me.

Sue

I said to my therapist today that it feels like the job is to defuse the past and the present so that there is space, time, healing that can and has occurred between the two......don't know if that makes sense to anyone, but that feels like the task.

 

[Into The Light]

that's a thought. do you think you could give yourself a mental break for a day or two by going away somewhere or doing something really special for those 2 days for yourself?

i'm not sure if it was just me when i was in the depths of my depression but i was incredibly stressed. if you are feeling stressed maybe you could find a way to relax somehow when you take time for yourself.

 

[healthbound]

Hey pocono. I don't have anything to say...Just thought I'd drop a quick note to say hello and let u know that I read your post and am glad you were able to get to the hospital before you "attempted anything dangerous". I was also glad to read that you are feeling calm and are not feeling suicidal. Take care.

 

[pocono]

Lots hanging on my mind, Naught.

I didn't go to work today. Too depressed.

 

[Halo]

Pocono,

Sometime rest, relaxation and especially sleep is what is needed in order to get through what you are feeling. Taking time off work was a good step towards helping yourself.