Social competence

[mm]

Hi everyone,

I was wondering, could anybody point me to any resources on social competence - social intelligence? I am trying to find some self-help materials because I cannot afford psychotherapy or counseling, but I do feel I need help in this area. It is amazing how we can be equipped with many other skills, but regardless of them, if we lack this particular one, the effect is pervasive in the entire domains of life?I guess it has much to do with ?social beings? , ? system? and ?images . This last one is related to one of my personal concerns: if some people are so unwilling/ insecure that they need you to show/tell them what you are instead of trusting their own judgment, and if I am not presenting myself as having a specific quality, then they may just assume I do not have it?I am not sure about this one, but I have witnessed the opposite as being true many times- people present themselves in a certain way, and although they are not, their peers perceive them according to the presented image. Sad, if you do not have this skill.

Thank you,
Mm

 

[Retired]

Hello Mm and welcome to Psychlinks. You are welcome to pursue your query on this very interesting topic right here. Others will surely be able to provide their insights into your situation.

Are your concerns in social situations or in work related situations?

Looking forward to your further comments.

 

[mm]

Hi TSOW,

Thank you for your prompt reply. My concerns are related rather to work environments. Although I have experienced this problem in social settings too, I am more concerned with and I struggle more in work related situations. I am at a point in my life when work is very important as I am building my career, and I am trying to adjust myself at a new cultural and challenging professional context. Although “cultural” may have had a buzz effect, I would like to leave, if possible, this concept aside for the moment. I know that culture is one of the factors that define any context, but I do believe that in my situation I am not experiencing a cultural barrier, but a personal… lack of skills (I was almost on the point to use the word “incapacity”).

mm

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Amazon.com: Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success: Books: Karl Albrecht

Amazon.com: Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ: Books: Daniel Goleman

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Success

Social intelligence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Emotional intelligence - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Handbook of Interpersonal Communication - Google Book Search

 

[mm]

Thank you, Dr. Baxter.

mm

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You're welcome. That should be a decent starting place, anyway.

 

[ladylore]

Hi MM,

Not sure where you live but if you look under couselling agencies like Family Services. There is usually at least one agency in a community that will provide free counselling for those of us that can't afford it.

 

[rosedragon]

It is amazing how we can be equipped with many other skills, but regardless of them, if we lack this particular one, the effect is pervasive in the entire domains of life

Agree, but I think there still be some rare occupations in life which don't need high social skills. Such as computer-related (like they had put paradigm that programmers are weirdo, they won't bother to complain programmers' actions)and writing. But you need to be really competent, had examples of your competency, and eager to spread your CV to everywhere. I believe there still be way to life happy without social skills XD.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You make a good point, rosedragon. Sometimes, the solution can be finding a social context in which your personality traits are an advantage, or at least not a liability. In my experience, many programmers are ADHD - they use the ability to hyperfocus that often comes with ADHD to advantage in their work, and, because they have many traits in common with their coworkers, they fit right in.

 

[Daniel E.]

In my experience, many programmers are ADHD - they use the ability to hyperfocus that often comes with ADHD to advantage in their work, and, because they have many traits in common with their coworkers, they fit right in.

That makes a lot of sense. I know of one software developer that is described by himself and others as having ADHD-like traits. He's very, very successful.

 

[HotthenCold]

Hi everyone,

This last one is related to one of my personal concerns: if some people are so unwilling/ insecure that they need you to show/tell them what you are instead of trusting their own judgment, and if I am not presenting myself as having a specific quality, then they may just assume I do not have it?I am not sure about this one, but I have witnessed the opposite as being true many times- people present themselves in a certain way, and although they are not, their peers perceive them according to the presented image. Sad, if you do not have this skill.

Thank you,
Mm

I see what you mean here. It seem's like a ton (majority?) of people I know who I would classfiy as very sociable, and very outgoing seem to have a need to make their personality, and social status known, as well as know that information about everyone else. They can't just trust their judgement or try and take a broader view of the situation and maybe realize that the only reason image is important is because people give it that importance.....It's odd because to me it's so obvious that if someone must always be announcing their achievements and "obvious" social standing then theri just insecure....I get annoyed by nattering, chest pounding people but they seem to be the majority so I guess it's best for people like us to learn how to communicate with them huh?