Hi,
I am so uncomfortable in social situations, that parties and gatherings are just pure torture for me. Often I will just send my husband without me, because he is actually pretty good at socializing and I hate that he has to basically hold my hand any time that we go anywhere. I feel that it ruins the party for him.
For the past 10+ years I have become pretty reclusive. I go to work and see people there, but otherwise I don't really do too much. I don't have very many friends and I have very little contact with my family, except for my mother. Basically I am so anxious in most of my dealings with people that I can't pick up the phone to call a friend or even answer most of the time if they call me. I also have a very hard time going places by myself, so my husband has to drive me or my friend has to pick me up. I am so ashamed of my weakness in this area that I don't admit it to most people. So, if someone does invite me to do something, I often refuse and they probably think that I am just being rude.
Anyway, I realize how empty my life is so I have been really trying to make more of a connection with people. This past year, I have really been trying to accept invitations when they are offered. I have even been the one to initiate contact a few times, mainly because I have been able to email people so I don't have to talk on the phone. I have one friend who knows how messed up I am and she will either pick me up or we will meet at one of the places that I can go by myself. I actually really enjoy visiting with people as long as there are only 1 or 2 people, any more than that and I freak out. Of course, it has to be people that I am comfortable with, which can be tough to find. Boy am I just rambling today, sorry.
The point that I was trying to get to is that as much as I really like people and enjoy spending time with friends, I always end up wondering why they would want to be my friend. My husband and I went out to dinner last night with a wonderful couple. They are so nice and I enjoy their company very much. When we were leaving the woman gave me a big hug and told me that she loved me and was so glad that we were friends. This made me feel great for a minute. Then the entire way home all I could think about was why on earth would she want to be my friend. I feel like I have nothing to offer to anybody. This woman is very intelligent, accomplished, funny, and such a kind person. I am not funny, smart, or articulate. Often I am so paralysed by my insecurities that I can barely come up with anything to say. Every time I get together with people, even if I enjoy myself, I end up almost feeling guilty that these people have to put up with me as I feel that I have nothing to offer. This is why I started to become reclusive in the first place and also why I stopped calling most of my family. I feel like being with me or talking to me is just a chore that people would rather avoid. Okay I am going to just shut up now. Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest.
I am so uncomfortable in social situations, that parties and gatherings are just pure torture for me. Often I will just send my husband without me, because he is actually pretty good at socializing and I hate that he has to basically hold my hand any time that we go anywhere. I feel that it ruins the party for him.
For the past 10+ years I have become pretty reclusive. I go to work and see people there, but otherwise I don't really do too much. I don't have very many friends and I have very little contact with my family, except for my mother. Basically I am so anxious in most of my dealings with people that I can't pick up the phone to call a friend or even answer most of the time if they call me. I also have a very hard time going places by myself, so my husband has to drive me or my friend has to pick me up. I am so ashamed of my weakness in this area that I don't admit it to most people. So, if someone does invite me to do something, I often refuse and they probably think that I am just being rude.
Anyway, I realize how empty my life is so I have been really trying to make more of a connection with people. This past year, I have really been trying to accept invitations when they are offered. I have even been the one to initiate contact a few times, mainly because I have been able to email people so I don't have to talk on the phone. I have one friend who knows how messed up I am and she will either pick me up or we will meet at one of the places that I can go by myself. I actually really enjoy visiting with people as long as there are only 1 or 2 people, any more than that and I freak out. Of course, it has to be people that I am comfortable with, which can be tough to find. Boy am I just rambling today, sorry.
The point that I was trying to get to is that as much as I really like people and enjoy spending time with friends, I always end up wondering why they would want to be my friend. My husband and I went out to dinner last night with a wonderful couple. They are so nice and I enjoy their company very much. When we were leaving the woman gave me a big hug and told me that she loved me and was so glad that we were friends. This made me feel great for a minute. Then the entire way home all I could think about was why on earth would she want to be my friend. I feel like I have nothing to offer to anybody. This woman is very intelligent, accomplished, funny, and such a kind person. I am not funny, smart, or articulate. Often I am so paralysed by my insecurities that I can barely come up with anything to say. Every time I get together with people, even if I enjoy myself, I end up almost feeling guilty that these people have to put up with me as I feel that I have nothing to offer. This is why I started to become reclusive in the first place and also why I stopped calling most of my family. I feel like being with me or talking to me is just a chore that people would rather avoid. Okay I am going to just shut up now. Sorry. I just had to get that off my chest.
And yes, I have suffered from poster's remorse, often. 
