Sometimes when I have thoughts of suicide I only think that it would be so easy. I forget that it's permanent and can't be undone. It scares me because sometimes I am impulsive and spontaneous. I'd like to think that I wouldn't actually do anything this big impulsively, but I often get really caught up in how it could potentially be fast and easy and I forget about everything else.
In the past when big things would happen it'd be my go-to default response, and then I got a lot better at changing my thinking and reframing it. Sometimes though, my moods drop and I default back to old thought patterns and default thoughts of suicide. It takes a LOT of energy and focus to be on top of this and it is so exhausting at at times. The exhaustion then fuels the thoughts of how it would be fast and easy...and I get caught in a loop. It's frustrating and confusing because then I feel caught and pulled in different directions.
In the past when big things would happen it'd be my go-to default response, and then I got a lot better at changing my thinking and reframing it. Sometimes though, my moods drop and I default back to old thought patterns and default thoughts of suicide. It takes a LOT of energy and focus to be on top of this and it is so exhausting at at times. The exhaustion then fuels the thoughts of how it would be fast and easy...and I get caught in a loop. It's frustrating and confusing because then I feel caught and pulled in different directions.
