Struggling with my height

[bookstar]

Hello
I have an issue. I am a very insecure man. I sometimes get public anxiety and whenever I am in a big crowd of people, especially at a big airport or at a fair, I get really insecure. My main insecurity is that I struggle with comparing myself to others all the time, especially with my height. I feel I am not a man because I am 5'7" and most women want tall men. I feel like a midget and less attractive then other men that have a tall stature.
My other insecurity is whenever I see a man with a woman that I find very attractive, I get very jealous and envious, and then I think I am not good enough for her anyway, or she would never look at me romantically.
When a guy that is 6'2" or 6'4" walks past me, I feel like a child and not desirable to women like the taller man is. Its even worse when I see him with a beauiful woman, confirming that his height is a dominant factor for attracting beautiful women. I cannot seem to do that because I don't look man enough.

Those are my two major struggles I have, and I want to attract women and to make myself appear more handsome in order to make up for my short height...5'7".

Is it really not true and am I lieing to myself when I think that a 6'2" guy is more desirable and attractive to the opposite sex?

Please help. I hope this website and changes my life. Thanks a bunch!!!!!

 

[Halo]

Bookstar,

Hi and welcome back to Psychlinks. When I read your thread above, I realized that you have posted numerous times on almost the exact same issue and you may want to read the great replies that you previous received.

My Height and How I View Myself - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forums - April 2005 and May 2007

Social Issue - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forums - January 2008

How Do I Get Over Envy - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forums - January 2008

Attracting Women - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forums - January 2008

 

[soundwave]

Looking for a way forward

hi, i read a thread on perfectionism and think im on the right track to figuring my problems out, maybe you could point me in the right direction

i have a faulty belief that i am wasting talent. presumably placing ones worth on this. as the obsession leaves me feeling worthless all the time. i turned into quite an obsession, constant obsession, that has interfered all aspects of life.

i want to let go of this fualty belief and be satisfied, am unsure what i can do more to let go of it! i must have adopted faulty beliefs directly/inderectly at a young age, looking back that much is certain.
thanks for listening any help/piont in right direction would be amazing.

sw

 

[Retired]

I feel I am not a man because I am 5'7" and most women want tall men

Height and stature have more to do with one's own perception than with the perception of others. I would add that a man of 5'7" would not be considered as short in stature by most standards, and I would further venture to say you are taller than most women!

People who judge you by specific physical attributes have a shallow view of the world, and people I would want to avoid.

The reality is that most people in the world have distinctive charateristics which define and differentiate them from others. Focusing on one physical trait does nothing to define the person as a total person. Focusing on height would be like focusing on whether your hair is black, brown or blond...your eyes blue or green. None of these defines you as the terrific person you are.

Why do you feel a person's height is their most important defining characteristic?

 

[bookstar]

Hi TSOW,

I have had it in my head because of the media, and also on-line dating where most women are asking for a certain height which is at least 5'10" or taller. That's where it stemmed from I think.

The worst part is what I feel inside when a tall guy, especially when he is in shape and has muscles, walks by me and my eyes are at his chest. When this happens, I get images inside my head that I am less attractive, undesirable, and a very clear image I see is where women are looking at both of us and comparing and they all look at the bigger man as dominant and me inferior, him more handsome and sexually attractive, and me as a child or someone they would not even remotely consider.

Whether this image reveals the truth or not, I still struggle with it. I get a confirmation of this insecurity when I see a gorgeous woman in the arms of one of them. It seems I never see a gorgeous woman in the arms of a small guy. Small guys might get women, but most of the time they have to settle with someone they are not attracted to because they are not desirable enough for the more beautiful women on the earth.

Once again, I am not saying all this is absolute truth, but it sure seems that way and that is what goes through my thoughts on a daily basis when in a public environment.

What is the truth? Am I right in my views? If not, how can I change this insecurity and thought process?

Thanks!

 

[Retired]

Bookstar,

Please review your earlier posts on Psychlinks where many Forum members and staff responded to this exact question in detail.

This would be a good starting point

The suggestions won't have changed dramatically from those earlier discussions.

Are there any new issues you wish to discuss?

 

[Meg]

Hi Bookstar,

You've been given some good responses from others, but I thought I would add some anecdotal evidence from my own life that I hope might help. For 18 months I went out with a man who was 6'6" tall. He was broad and 260lbs of muscle. If I used height as a standard, he was the perfect guy. Unfortunately, he turned out to be quite abusive. My mother always used to say that she was glad that whenever I went somewhere with him she knew I would be safe because he was so strong - what she didn't know was that I really needed to be kept safe from HIM. I'm now married to a man who is quite a bit shorter, but much more of a man in the ways that really matter.

I realise that this story does not mean that all tall men are unkind and therefore shows that you should not want to be one. My point in telling it is to illustrate that no matter how tall or attractive a man may be, it is his personality and how he treats others that will make the difference as to whether he is happy or miserable, and whether he ends up with someone in the end.

You have said in other threads that people have told you that you ARE physically attractive. Do you believe that being less than 6'0" automatically negates any other physical attributes you may have? If you don't believe this, why should you discount what they've said?

Do you really want to be with anyone who judges you on your height? Your height is something you don't have control of - your personality says much more about who you really are and whether you'd make a good partner, and it sounds like you have a great one to work with. Go out there and be yourself!