Struggling with The Child Within

[forgetmenot]

I read this article and the first thought that comes out is No the child within is not real
She is just an emotion a nothingness that was left behind that had to disappear for one to survive
I am real me in the present
The mind is very complex yes but one that can be controlled with logic.
Why am i letting an emotion take over me now why when i have accomplished so much
I am more than just this stupid pain and i will not let this emotion past one at that take over all i have
. i won't,
She is not real i am real.

 

[Jazzey]

Re: The Child Within

Violet, from my understanding of this article, the child within is an emotion. It is real and, it is a part of you - the part that hasn't healed yet from your past. By way of example: This week during my therapy, we were discussing a particular beating that I'd received when I was about 9. I told my therapist that I didn't feel any particular way about it - not angry, not sad. For the most part, I really believed for a very long time that this was kind've normal. Not that I thought that beatings are ok, but just that is was part of my growing up. As we're discussing this topic, I'm staring out the window and her voice is very distant. That was me going back to the past, maybe dissociating a little and thinking of that 9 years girl that I once was. The girl who, over the years, has become quite adept at tuning out certain feelings or maybe turning them on to herself because the pain is there - I just don't feel it.

That for me, is the concept of the 'child within'. Going back in your mind to those specific events that were abusive but that you've somehow integrated into who you are today. So you have to go back to get to the right emotions for that circumstance; getting angry, sad - whatever it is and, coping with the emotion.

So back to your post - you are real, your past is real and all of the emotions that you may have learned to stuff back are still there poking at you to deal with now.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

The emotions are so real yes but they are from a past This so called child is not me she was someone very weak, very afraid, she was invisible for the most of times.
Hiding behind her sister. I can understand the emotions her fears but they were hers not mine
I try to tell myself it is not me because i worked so hard to escape everything I do not want to ever be her again even if it is just her emotions
I want to stay the person i am
I am not a nothing I am not invisible
i worked to hard to go backwards now
The anger the pain i disown them they are hers and hers alone to deal with
Why do i hate this whole idea i hate this all of this
I am not her and never will be again even if it is just a terminology i will not admit to being that child
I will try to deal with the emotions that come up i will that is all i can do right. they are just that emotions thanks

 

[Murray]

Re: The Child Within

I find this whole topic so confusing. I read the article and so many of the things rang true for me, but I don't recognize an inner child within me. I do have the serious trust issues, low self esteem, depression, very limited memory of my childhood, and suicidal ideation. I guess I am also not really very in touch with my emotions. My therapist has commented that he is surprised that I never had a problem with drug or alcohol abuse or promiscuity, he has also suggested that I have so few memories of my childhood because those memories are so noxious that I don't really want to recall them. Generally I have no sexual problems except for occasional flashbacks and dissociation during sexual activity. I look at pictures of myself as a child and although I know that it is me, I don't feel any connection to that person in the picture. So, I can relate to so many of the things in the article, but I don't know how that fits in with an inner child. Like what Jazzey said above, I don't necessarily feel anything when I do think about things that happened to me. Anyway, I am having a hard time concentrating tonight so I don't think that this has made any sense, or even related to the topic. Sorry.

I am so amazed by you Violet and Jazzey (along with everyone else here) for your strength and how compassionate you are to everyone who comes onto this forum. So often I want to post something but I am so afraid that I will say the wrong thing and hurt someone inadvertently or I just have no idea what I could possibly say to help. You guys always seem to have great insight and sensitivity. Thanks and sorry that I don't have anything constructive to add, I wish I did know what to say.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

You made alot of sense I do not have any problems with drug or alcohol abuse nore promiscuity. I have some memories but only pieces of my past. This emotion of a child this past pain is only brought forward when i am overwhelmed or if i am triggered somewhat. I think with your therapist help you will be able to connect to your past more to the emotions more but right now they are buried too deep to realize they are even there. I am just having trouble accepting these past emotions belong to me. In time maybe that will change but right now it is safe to believe that these emotions are somewhat elses not mine. now i am not making sense take care

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: The Child Within

Yes. But Jazzey is correct. That part of you is still there, and she comes out when you are afraid or feel helpless or powerless... or when you are triggered. In a very real sense, you revert to that old you, you become that young girl who felt afraid and powerless and weak and helpless.

The inner child doesn't represent who you actually are today. It just represents how you feel at those times.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

Revert to that old you no never that is just it,
It is not me i won't accept that i would ever become her again god this is so hard to explain. i am not her she was someone else does this make sense I am feeling her pain maybe but thats it. Why am i having a hard time with this I hated this child so much i will not ever accept that i was her.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: The Child Within

Maybe it would help if you could learn to separate the bad things that happened to you from who you really were. You were just a child, like any other innocent child. You're not responsible for what happened to you or for what happened to others in your family. No matter how much you keep trying to take the blame, you're just not responsible. It doesn't work that way. Adults are the responsible ones. They are the ones who abuse and take advantage of children. My therapist tells me the child is NEVER EVER responsible for what the adult does. It's hard to accept and I'm not quite there yet myself, but I'm working on it.

It's ok, I think, to feel the pain, but you can't get wrapped up in because it will eat you up inside and rob you of today's joy. I'm just learning all this myself and I am just learning how to deal with the pain, but I know and believe that there is something better than feeling it SO deep and so much. Just try to tell yourself that even if you might not believe it right now.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: The Child Within

Revert to that old you no never that is just it,
It is not me i won't accept that i would ever become her again god this is so hard to explain. i am not her she was someone else does this make sense I am feeling her pain maybe but thats it. Why am i having a hard time with this I hated this child so much i will not ever accept that i was her.

1. I think you missed this part:

The inner child doesn't represent who you actually are today. It just represents how you feel at those times.

2. No matter how much you wish things had been different or that you had been different in the past, you can not change history, Violet. All you can do is learn how to overcome the past, how to triumph over it. You were that little girl years ago. That's a fact. No amount of wishing or denial will change that. But you are not condemned to continue to be that little girl for the rest of your life.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. ~ George Santayana​

George Santayana - Wikiquote

This famous statement has produced many paraphrases and variants:

• Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
• Those who do not remember their past are condemned to repeat their mistakes.
• Those who do not read history are doomed to repeat it.
• Those who fail to learn from the mistakes of their predecessors are destined to repeat them.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

separate the bad things that happened to you from who you really were
I don't know CD i am so confused about this These things that happened should not have happened to this child to others No one wanted her and i grew not to want her either.
Do you understand You seperated from all of it because it is the only way to move forward. I too believe leave the pain alone it is not meant to be felt it is too cruel. She is just a figment of ones memory now Although i do self talk alot it is me just reminding myself the pain is not real it is over. Why did no one no one want her i have to go now thanks CD what you say makes sense it does but i cannot accept her because noone could accept her.

---------- Post added at 10:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:43 PM ----------

You were that little girl years ago. That's a fact. No amount of wishing or denial will change that. But you are not condemned to continue to be that little girl for the rest of your life.
If what you say is true i was this little girl well i soon learned to not be her i am certainly not her now

Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it. There will be no repetition i learned i listened i changed

I am a survivor okay let her be this child i hate even thinking about her she is just a memory now let her be. She has suffered enough let her be. If you only knew the chaos she brings No one wanted her then and no one wants her now.

 

[Jazzey]

Re: The Child Within

Violet, did anything trigger this today? You seemed to have been doing well lately. I view your comments on this thread almost as if you've regressed a little. Was there something that prompted this?

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

I am sorry Jazzey I just don't want to be her thats all. I know what everyone is saying makes sense Noone wanted her oh god noone just stupid triggers okay um Dr Baxter is right You are right CD is right I just can't it hurts too much everything i really need for all of it to go away it just hurts too much god i want to go away every time im triggered it just brings back too much sadness. I just feel her pain to much i guess I am sorry i am regressing some I know i have to face the past i know this child at some point in time was me I just seem to fall apart i can't be me in the present and deal with her at the same time it seems. She interfers with me as aperson today. I can't be strong as i want to be. I am not making sense i know i am sorry i think i am seeing her failures in me today now I will be stronger tomorrow okay sorry i am so disappointed in me too

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: The Child Within

I'm not disappointed in you. I think you do make sense. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. You're being so hard on yourself as the child that you were. I think when we're adults it's easy to look back on ourselves with an adult perspective and expect way too much of that child. I am guilty of that as well.

Hang in there. The intense sadness and pain will ease and it will get easier. Sometimes we have to kind of ride the waves so to speak. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

Thanks CD i understand i am too hard on the child that was and on the person who is now,
Jazzey triggers are very strong lately. STress having to try to pull everything everyone together again. Bills, work I am on light duty now was asked to go off unemployment leave and i got angry and said absolutely NO I need to work if i have to go back in pain on full duty i will. I guess when reality hits it hits hard every where.
I just need to make a list and deal with one thing at a time right. I have to become the professional again. Someone use to stress use to dealing with what is.
Detach and seperate the job to be done the emotions just are not needed right now so move them aside until things are done.
I have been trying so hard to deny everything it was necessary to stay safe. I don't like feeling vulnerable i don't like it when the walls can be penetrated I think you understand.

take care i am fine i always am I have to be Ride the wave i will. Thanks CD for the kind response and for all of your responses take care okay

 

[Jazzey]

Re: The Child Within

Violet, I honestly wasn't suggesting that I'm disappointed in you. I was just trying to get you to release whatever it was that brought you here. :hug::hug:

Sometimes, just getting it out there a little eases some it. CD is right, it does get easier but we'll also have those bumps in the roads at times. I've had a very stressful three weeks professionally and personally. Which automatically brings with it nightmares, disassociation and all of those other wonderful thing.

So - I accept that, for now (until I've dealt with all of it) this is part of what I'm going to go through every once in a while. In the meantime, I try and reduce my stress as much as I can and do all the things that I know I'm supposed to do to stay healthier.

Honestly Violet, I'm not disappointed. I understand very well what you're going through. I just wanted you to talk about it more specifically than to say that you hated that child. Maybe talk about the trigger itself - to help you understand that this is just a temporary bump.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

OH the trigger is always the same she is home and she is hurting me I try to stay away i go out in my car and just drive i come home she her hate um there is too much stress on me right now. I feel like a nothing like garbage okay I don't like it when people yell and she yells and she swears and she says really bad things calls me bad names. I know she is ill i don't fight with her I run okay i run like i always did i become that dam child again I become so dam weak oh im sorry then i am to just pick myself up and be the adult again. I have to get papers signed so my daughter is covered under our insurance or i have to pay almost 13000 dollars out for her hospital stay. She wants me to call doctors for her she wants me to fight for her I don't want to do anything Do you understand i just want to run I want to hurt me because i hate who i am still I am still her even though i say i became someone else i am still that pathetic little thing oh god i hated her and i hate me now I wish i could find somewhere to just hide for awhile so noone can attack me or hurt me again. It is hard because she is my daughter someone i would never hurt yet she hurts without thinking about anyone. I am sorry Jazzey because i know you are struggling as well as others and i wish i could fight i do. Right now i am falling apart after yet another attack but i have to pull myself together so i can go to work and be the nurse If it was just me i think i would have resigned on all of this but somehow the others needs are what is keeping me here. My mother and brothers it has been 2 weeks now and they are really upset with me. I told them monday but monday is my doctors appt. god I don't want to deal with life not when it is this hard there is too much pain again everywhere. Temporary bump i will be strong again i just don't know when or how.

 

[Jazzey]

Re: The Child Within

I don't think it's about fighting it or fighting at all Violet. It's about accepting that this is part of the process. At least, it is for me. Violet, the medication has helped me tremendously in easing some of the pain. What are you taking right now? Is there any way that you can reduce your stress a little?

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

um want to just go away i can't deal with this sadness and pain Itried to tell my husband i can't do anything please don't tell me to phone people don't tell me to answer phones I don't want to do anything he get upset i can't i hate dealing with people i hate it i don't want to. He plays stupid he can't do it he doesn't know anything about health
I feel like a child yet i am to function like an adult and right now i can't My brain keeps telling me im bad im no good i am her inside and i hate her i don't want to feel like this
i want her to go away I see my doctor Monday 2 more days to get through i hope i can.

I go to work at 2 and maybe then i will feel more important i will feel like a somebody again. I am still hiding in my room and will stay here until i can go to work.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Thread split from http://forum.psychlinks.ca/adult-survivors/4617-the-child-within.html

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: The Child Within

Work has brought stability of some sort. I just want to stay the nurse now i feel strong when i am at work. i think that acknowledging this child was me is too hard it was easier to believe otherwise as then the sadness was not mine but i have to accept it i guess if i am to move forward.